.same shit, different day..
Yeah i know i said i wouldn't write anymore, but w/e.. i felt like changing my mind. I know not everyone is going to like me, but at least have a reason for it. Bitch, yeah ok i can see that. But slut? Last time i checked, i've been with under 5 people. So no, don't think so. Just wanted to straighten that out. On a lighter note, i found this and like it:
"Wait for the boy who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of boy who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the boy who will be your best friend, the only person who will drop everything to talk to you when you need him. Wait for the boy who makes you smile like no one else and when he smiles you know he needs you. Wait for the boy who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats & have no makeup on, but appreciates it when you get dolled up for him most of all wait for the boy who will put you at the center of his universe because that's where you belong."
How i wish i had that lately.. Brandon and i talked about our issues we've been having lately, but i still feel as if there's something missing between us, or maybe there's just something missing from my life in general. It just doesn't feel the same, we rarely talk anymore and it feels more like a "partnership" rather than a relationship, which probably doesn't make sense. Like it feels we have the title boyfriend/girlfriend, but without the actual intimate part. I want to be considerate of his feelings and what he wants, but i feel like i would be sacrificing what i want. Not so much after we talked, but it still seems different to me. We act like a couple in public and everything, like we'll hold hands and whatnot, but we don't kiss or anything nearly as often as we used to, we don't talk very much, and we never go on dates or anything. Really the only time we see each other is when he comes over here on mon/wed nights and we go to class the following day and then we both go home. I don't understand, every relationship i have starts out kickass.. and then it just kinda dies. Which means there's something wrong with me. Brandon told me that he didn't think i was ready for a relationship.. maybe im not. I can't always blame bad stuff on everyone else.. so maybe it's just me. Idk, but what i do know is that i really am the worst person ever in dealing with relationships. And that doesn't really make sense considering i think i've had my fair share of them. I just get bored i guess. It starts out fun and exciting.. and then it always dies. I want something where the fun stays, because damnit, i like fun. Well my ramen noodles are done, im not sure where i was going with this, i just felt like writing. So yeah, i'll leave you with this..
"I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know...I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of." -Chasing Amy.. if you've never seen it, watch it.. it's a prequel to Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
"Wait for the boy who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of boy who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the boy who will be your best friend, the only person who will drop everything to talk to you when you need him. Wait for the boy who makes you smile like no one else and when he smiles you know he needs you. Wait for the boy who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats & have no makeup on, but appreciates it when you get dolled up for him most of all wait for the boy who will put you at the center of his universe because that's where you belong."
How i wish i had that lately.. Brandon and i talked about our issues we've been having lately, but i still feel as if there's something missing between us, or maybe there's just something missing from my life in general. It just doesn't feel the same, we rarely talk anymore and it feels more like a "partnership" rather than a relationship, which probably doesn't make sense. Like it feels we have the title boyfriend/girlfriend, but without the actual intimate part. I want to be considerate of his feelings and what he wants, but i feel like i would be sacrificing what i want. Not so much after we talked, but it still seems different to me. We act like a couple in public and everything, like we'll hold hands and whatnot, but we don't kiss or anything nearly as often as we used to, we don't talk very much, and we never go on dates or anything. Really the only time we see each other is when he comes over here on mon/wed nights and we go to class the following day and then we both go home. I don't understand, every relationship i have starts out kickass.. and then it just kinda dies. Which means there's something wrong with me. Brandon told me that he didn't think i was ready for a relationship.. maybe im not. I can't always blame bad stuff on everyone else.. so maybe it's just me. Idk, but what i do know is that i really am the worst person ever in dealing with relationships. And that doesn't really make sense considering i think i've had my fair share of them. I just get bored i guess. It starts out fun and exciting.. and then it always dies. I want something where the fun stays, because damnit, i like fun. Well my ramen noodles are done, im not sure where i was going with this, i just felt like writing. So yeah, i'll leave you with this..
"I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know...I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of." -Chasing Amy.. if you've never seen it, watch it.. it's a prequel to Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.