(no subject)
I'm sitting at the Union. I should be writing stuff for school, but I
can't formulate my thoughts coherently. Adding to the fact that I've
read a smattering of theory, which makes me question my methods and
motivations for writing about Celia anyways. Bah. I don't want to talk
about my thesis anymore. Actually, I do want to talk about it, but it's
already boring everyone I know to death, so I'll hold off.
I go home on the 20th. I am majorly excited to see my sister and family
and friends. I've got a few lunches with urban planners scheduled, as
well as one with a person from Habitat for Humanity in Minnesota. It's
awesome when your stepmom has connections for you to get lunches with
these people. I'm going to get a few pairs of pants shortened so that I
can wear them without heels. I can't wait to hang out with my friends,
read for fun, go to the Christmas Eve service, decorate the
tree...sleep in, eat, cook, sleep some more.
My friend Kevin just stopped by and said hi! That makes me so happy that I've made friends this semester. Whee!
The only thing I'm not looking forward to is not seeing Aaron for two weeks. I've barely seen him at all these past few weeks because we've both been really busy. Basically, we see each other when we meet at the library to study together. Doing well in school is very important to both of us, and we understand that we both need to work hard to get where we want to go. It's just frustrating that we will both be working up until about twenty hours before I have to leave for the airport. I know it's going to come to a point where we will spend holidays together and then it will be even more stressful figuring out where to go and whose family to see, but I miss him already.
There are so many things running through my head. I'm questioning my motivation and direction in everything. Where do I want to spend the next year? If I get into the DART training program, should I go? That would entail picking up everything and moving by myself to somewhere in Michigan, Indiana, Kentucky, Virginia, Ohio, or Florida, then working with local church congregants to make policy changes for social justice. Sounds really great - except for the being all alone part, in a leadership role. I know that I can do it in theory, but I really doubt my ability to lead people, especially since these would be people who I ignorantly assume would see me as the little white girl. But if I don't do it, who will? Why do I think I am I not capable and talented at doing something like that? I don't know. If I do Lutheran Volunteer Corps, it will be a lot easier - is that copping out? I'd live communally (major plus for me) but not have as much of a leadership role.
Professor Chaffers was nodding last night in Urban Redevelopment when I was responding to a tape group's discussion of leadership - that usually means I'm on the right track, and he's not one to nod willy nilly - and I was saying that the hardest part of "personal change is urban change" for me to accept is the obligation of leadership from within. I guess I'll have to think about that.
My friend Kevin just stopped by and said hi! That makes me so happy that I've made friends this semester. Whee!
The only thing I'm not looking forward to is not seeing Aaron for two weeks. I've barely seen him at all these past few weeks because we've both been really busy. Basically, we see each other when we meet at the library to study together. Doing well in school is very important to both of us, and we understand that we both need to work hard to get where we want to go. It's just frustrating that we will both be working up until about twenty hours before I have to leave for the airport. I know it's going to come to a point where we will spend holidays together and then it will be even more stressful figuring out where to go and whose family to see, but I miss him already.
There are so many things running through my head. I'm questioning my motivation and direction in everything. Where do I want to spend the next year? If I get into the DART training program, should I go? That would entail picking up everything and moving by myself to somewhere in Michigan, Indiana, Kentucky, Virginia, Ohio, or Florida, then working with local church congregants to make policy changes for social justice. Sounds really great - except for the being all alone part, in a leadership role. I know that I can do it in theory, but I really doubt my ability to lead people, especially since these would be people who I ignorantly assume would see me as the little white girl. But if I don't do it, who will? Why do I think I am I not capable and talented at doing something like that? I don't know. If I do Lutheran Volunteer Corps, it will be a lot easier - is that copping out? I'd live communally (major plus for me) but not have as much of a leadership role.
Professor Chaffers was nodding last night in Urban Redevelopment when I was responding to a tape group's discussion of leadership - that usually means I'm on the right track, and he's not one to nod willy nilly - and I was saying that the hardest part of "personal change is urban change" for me to accept is the obligation of leadership from within. I guess I'll have to think about that.