internship blues
i'm so deep in arts administration at the moment that i am starting to lose my sense of the "arts" aspect of it. i want to be in a theater. to smell the stale, sweaty air of backstage. to feel the cold rehearsal room floor, the warmth and brightness of the lights..
i don't mean to complain about working in an office - but this is not where i belong. i know this now. it's too quiet. too impersonal. my task today was too ambiguous and too easy. and without structure, i have no bearings with which i can accomplish anything. i find myself yearning for the next item on the agenda, to go deeper. i yearn to have something substantial with which to write my SIP. i feel as though i have barely started and i worry that i will have nothing to show for these next few months.
sometimes i lose grasp of what we are really working for. i spend my days researching and writing things down, but i often forget what any of it means or what it is for.
i am no longer surrounded by art or creativity, but humming computer screens, fluorescent lights, and a fading idea that is supposed to better the community of which i am not currently a part. i feel a strange disconnect.
but perhaps this is the way it should be. maybe this is good for me. such exposure is new. the operations of the arts has before been of interest, and now that i have had a taste of it, i realize it is not where i want to be.
don't get me wrong. i still care about the topic of my SIP, but being fully engrossed has its side-effects.
i don't mean to complain about working in an office - but this is not where i belong. i know this now. it's too quiet. too impersonal. my task today was too ambiguous and too easy. and without structure, i have no bearings with which i can accomplish anything. i find myself yearning for the next item on the agenda, to go deeper. i yearn to have something substantial with which to write my SIP. i feel as though i have barely started and i worry that i will have nothing to show for these next few months.
sometimes i lose grasp of what we are really working for. i spend my days researching and writing things down, but i often forget what any of it means or what it is for.
i am no longer surrounded by art or creativity, but humming computer screens, fluorescent lights, and a fading idea that is supposed to better the community of which i am not currently a part. i feel a strange disconnect.
but perhaps this is the way it should be. maybe this is good for me. such exposure is new. the operations of the arts has before been of interest, and now that i have had a taste of it, i realize it is not where i want to be.
don't get me wrong. i still care about the topic of my SIP, but being fully engrossed has its side-effects.