*CHIPPER HEADBOP*
I was just transcribing a piece of creative writing that I did last year for the MPH (Malaysian bookshop) competition, and suddenly realized: to date, all of the creative pieces that I've ever written that've gotten published in one way or another have basically been angry semi-autobiographies written in a very... free-form... way.
Mom called me yesterday, actually, to ask me to transcribe the piece I'd written for the competition. (For people who don't know what I'm talking about: I vomited out a piece for a competition because my mom forcefully asked me to. I didn't win, which is of no surprise to me, but I did get into the finals. Which was surprising. And now they wanna publish it in an anthology.) During that conversation, she said again how her, my aunt, and all of my uncles who'd read the piece hadn't really been able to understand a word of it. It was too 'deep'.
It surprises me, actually, that she doesn't understand it while my brother got it straightaway. We all grew up/got older together, after all. But whereas my mother drew a blank, my brother skimmed the piece, then looked at me really uncomfortably and said: "This is about Carol, isn't it." (We barely even say her name anymore; it's a subject of tension between my brother and I.) I wonder whether my mom really is that blind, whether she's playing dumb, or whether it really does require someone to be 'in it' to understand. My brother experienced pretty much the flipside of what I experienced, but we grew up together so we know what it was like for the other person.
Gosh. I bitch and whine a lot, but I do honestly believe that my mother is one of the nicest and most awesome mothers in the world. The only thing that grates on my nerves is the way that she always puts the blame on me. Not in a really aggressive way, but-- well, if she asks me why I'm in a bad mood, I'll explain, and she'll always cut in and say that it was probably my fault that things turned out badly. Which is half true (takes two hands to clap), but when I'm upset, I'm looking for an ear, not for someone to tell me that I'm totally at fault. She gets really really defensive when it comes to mothering, too-- she says that she knows she was a crappy mother when we were kids, and then asks us to tell her what she did wrong, so we can get it off our chests. But whenever I bring up Carol, she instantly plays defense and... well, it's just annoying. Sometimes. Yeah, transcribing my writing piece reminded me of that. XD; One of my irks about my mom. But nowadays, save for random bursts of anger, she's an awesome lady otherwise.
And yes, I am listening to music from Phoenix Wright: Justice for All. I like it, okay? XD