(no subject)
Please ignore.
I'm feeling particularly rotten today/recently. I'm sure it's the loads of medications I'm on at the moment, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck. I feel shut up and alone and paranoid, I can't sleep at night, I'm so sick of my roommate I could kill him, I have no energy to play with my dog/call my friends/get up to go to the bathroom/make food. I feel like my writting has been total crap the last month and that I'm seriously wasting the time of the person gracious enough to write with me because my brain can't come up with any interesting or original ideas and I feel like a lump. There's nothing on TV that interests me, there's nothing playing in the theater that interests me, I don't feel like drawing/writing my own things, I don't feel like cleaning and I really need to do laundry like a month ago. I can't get out of bed when I DO sleep, sleeping for 16+ hours and then feeling like shit because I wasted a whole day. I'm out of money, and my roommate feels the need to bring up the cost of doing anything constantly making me feel more like shit because I can't really help with the bills. And then on top of that he won't ever talk about anything but his job, even after the numerous times I tell him I don't give a shit and I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like I'm d r a g g i n g so badly and it's driving me crazy, but I don't have the drive or the energy to do anything. I'm sick of sitting in the house all the time, but going down the stairs had me exhausted and gasping for air. I feel like crying all the time, I feel like no one ~I care about really cares about me (I don't blame them! I totally suck as a person--I Am Fail.) because they never call, or write or email or IM or remember who I am. I worry that dissapeared posts on LJ mean that someone has taken me off thier "flist" and did I do something to offend them, or am I just offending by my mere existance? (understandable, of course). Even though I sleep 20 hours a day, I still wake up every hour with nightmares that make me choke and then I can't remember them and if it's dark I can't get back to sleep. I'm tired tired tired tired tired and lonley when everyone else goes to bed so I can't get to sleep until it's light out and I don't feel so alone.
I feel horrible.
Please ignore.
I'm feeling particularly rotten today/recently. I'm sure it's the loads of medications I'm on at the moment, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck. I feel shut up and alone and paranoid, I can't sleep at night, I'm so sick of my roommate I could kill him, I have no energy to play with my dog/call my friends/get up to go to the bathroom/make food. I feel like my writting has been total crap the last month and that I'm seriously wasting the time of the person gracious enough to write with me because my brain can't come up with any interesting or original ideas and I feel like a lump. There's nothing on TV that interests me, there's nothing playing in the theater that interests me, I don't feel like drawing/writing my own things, I don't feel like cleaning and I really need to do laundry like a month ago. I can't get out of bed when I DO sleep, sleeping for 16+ hours and then feeling like shit because I wasted a whole day. I'm out of money, and my roommate feels the need to bring up the cost of doing anything constantly making me feel more like shit because I can't really help with the bills. And then on top of that he won't ever talk about anything but his job, even after the numerous times I tell him I don't give a shit and I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like I'm d r a g g i n g so badly and it's driving me crazy, but I don't have the drive or the energy to do anything. I'm sick of sitting in the house all the time, but going down the stairs had me exhausted and gasping for air. I feel like crying all the time, I feel like no one ~I care about really cares about me (I don't blame them! I totally suck as a person--I Am Fail.) because they never call, or write or email or IM or remember who I am. I worry that dissapeared posts on LJ mean that someone has taken me off thier "flist" and did I do something to offend them, or am I just offending by my mere existance? (understandable, of course). Even though I sleep 20 hours a day, I still wake up every hour with nightmares that make me choke and then I can't remember them and if it's dark I can't get back to sleep. I'm tired tired tired tired tired and lonley when everyone else goes to bed so I can't get to sleep until it's light out and I don't feel so alone.
I feel horrible.
Please ignore.