Sometimes.....
I think alot. I think a lot abotu the same thing. I cry a lot. I cry alot over the same thing. Sometmies I wonder... And it's about the same thing. I know how allof this came about, I know why it's here and why its teh way it is... It's because I did it. I became lazy, I smoked pot everyday 15 times a day. I spent the money on it instead of her. I worked on myself instead of us. I fucked it up. I tell myself I am going to change and don't, it was'nt for me then. This time it is. I want to live in a clean place, I want brett to be happy where he lives, I want to have money I want to go places, I want to go to college and get a car. It's actaully a good thing, all this. I just never look at it that way. Maybe she just needed her space to see what I would do when I am faced with beign alone, to show that she is strong enough. Ok, I get it. You and I being together right now isn't right, dosen't mean I have to like it. It's another test, anotehr hurdle, I've faced everyone head on and I'm not going to stop now. I love you and nothing will ever change that. It's time for me to focus on my goals. Sort my fuckign life out mate. I've always put taht on the back burner telling myself it will all come together someday... It won't. You have to actively work for the things you wish to succeed in. I have no idea how I managed this far, but I'll be god damned if I'm going to stop here. It's just time it takes to get myself together... You'll see. I don't want to lie, or fuck up anymore. I want to do these things, for myself. Then I'll worry about us... I won't bother you, just remember the good times. People do change, for the right reasons. The best one I can think of is my future. And I want you in it. Till then I'm gonna get me worked out. Then with any luck I can have you back. I'm hoping this is the last of the emo entry's. Sudden states of depression tend to derail me. I hope there is time left before you're gone for good. I want you to see who I really am.
On a lighter note. like 9 days till brett moves in, from there I work, and work some more. make that paper, pay of them bills. Then its to college for me. I'd say, 3 months tops for the bills. hopefully 2.
On a lighter note. like 9 days till brett moves in, from there I work, and work some more. make that paper, pay of them bills. Then its to college for me. I'd say, 3 months tops for the bills. hopefully 2.