"Its hard for me to be happy, because I want everyone else to be happy too, and they aren't."

[criedwolf]

I'm scared nervous unsure of what I'm doing and where I fit in but I must fit in somewhere if I'm this far in and when his brow furrowed and he looked at me I knew he wanted me to but I don't know why and I could only say yes because I want to be involved I'm scared nervous unsure of whats going on as I feel slowly ousted as we get closer but how can I be left behind for pursuing a good thing? Your cherry lipstick, your arms, softened and scented by your sweat, your smile have me enthralled needy and scared nervous and unsure of what I feel and want to and don't want to feel for you and I know you are too.

This scares me, happiness always has.

I look to him and he's not happy and I want him to be I look to her and she is distant and I don't know what will become of it because we both try and it will be easier soon when things are harder for me I see only things to look forward to and I'm trying to keep perspective lest I wake from this dream of arms to hold me lips to kiss me and your toungue to tease me, mind body and soul. You slow time so that it feels that every minute without you is an hour every hour a day and every day a week what will I do when the work that you stop me from doing is done and the only limiting factor is the pull of the city the running and the mind candy which I have committed myself to and will want to free myself from to pass white dashes every second and lay with you all day? I feel smothered by you because I hold you so tightly I will feel lost without you near.

This scares me, It always has.