.i can still taste defeat on my lips.

[crickett150]

i'm sitting here, biting on my nails.

i'm pretty much lost on words.

so many strange things happened tonight.

a love was defeated.
a feeling was revitalized.
a realization occurred.
a set of words were exchanged.

and no, they weren't all from me.

but i can't help
just feeling
so
completely
awful.

i've realized that love
isn't what i'm looking
for.
not when it's a love
like that.

i'm looking for someone
to take care of me.

a friend of mine
but it in the best terms
possible.

"i'm with her because
i need someone to take
care of me. that
fact overpowers the
possibility that i
might hurt her... and
it takes over the fact
that i'd rather not
have that bother."

it's very selfish.

well, surprise...
that's me.

and up til this point,
i've cared about everyone
i've been with.

whether you believe
me or not, it's true.

but i don't think
that i can emit those
rays anymore.

from here on out,
i'm giving up.

one of my new years resolutions
was to stop using people.

but if all that leads
to is that horrible
feeling of lonliness
that i feel late at night,
then i don't want to
follow through with
my promises.

i'd rather fill
the void with
their empty
love.