It's the End of The World as We Know It

[cricketshay]

It is time. If you believe the contents of this entry can help someone you know and love, by all means link to it. I'm leaving it exposed for public view for that purpose, to help. Pass the information along and remember it CAN happen to you.

Comments

[teacupdiaries]

Wandered over here from alchemylab. I hope you don't mind. :)

As for your lovely daughter, I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but a similar thing happened to me when I was her age. I, however, took it one step further and actually met up with the man in question. He didn't lie to me about his age, so I knew damn well that he was nearing 30, but I told myself it didn't matter. He didn't force me to do anything, and I left the situation unharmed and managed to sever all ties with him successfully, but looking back I get scared by what a risk I took.

I still get an ugly little shiver at my naivity now, years later, but the feelings of shame, guilt, and fear really do pass. I never told my parents what I did, and I'm actually glad about that decision, because it has worked out right for me. My parents would only have added to my shame, whereas your daughter has the advantage because you clearly adore her and will not judge her for this. You, and any caring adult, know that the person who is to blame here is the sick man who initiated the contact. If you keep gently and unerringly giving your daughter support, she will, in time, be fine.

And if she's anything like me, she will eventually look back on this all as a learning experience that will see her well through life. It's good to be a little cynical and wary of certain issues, and one day she will take away all that she's learnt now without bringing along the baggage of guilt and fear.

As for you feeling to blame, usually in the stories that reach the news there does seem to be a high level of disconnect between the parents and the child, and that reassures us that it could "never happen" to our kids because of the interest we (general use of the word: I'm childfree) take in their lives. But that is a false picture; no matter how hard we try, predators are going to be a step ahead of us when it comes to online activities.

You took ALL precautions; you trusted your daughter was old enough to understand the risks and you explained them to her maturely, you kept the computer somewhere where no shame was connected to it (locking computers away somewhere often increases the appeal and need for secrecy, IME) and where you could monitor her activities, and you clearly have a good relationship with your daughter, increasing the chances that she would come and talk to you.

This time she didn't, but I am positive it was due to guilt or shame over being tricked as she was; not because she feared you or felt she couldn't talk to you. If anything, you should feel proud of yourself for raising a daughter who, at the tender age of 15, is so capable that she managed to sever all ties with such a predator.

I feel like I'm babbling now, but I wanted to show my support for you, hon. This is a horrible situation, but the blame does not fall on you or your daughter; it falls on the sick man who searched your family out.

[cricketshay]

Thanks. At the time of the abuse, she didn't know he was 42. She just found out when I did. In a way it shocked her. She thought it was a weird 18 year old.

I have always tried to keep the lines of communitcation open with my children and accept them for who they are. I didn't feel my parents listened to me or knew who I was. I swore I wasn't going to be like that.

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad nothing bad happened to you.
*hugs*