Amazingly Crazy!!
So Angel said I might be able to express how I feel a little better in writing, so lets give it a shot. (Takes a deep breath) One day I was online... doing an essay.. and this man sends me an im, by the name of Rian, and we just had a normal conversation, nothing special... then out of nowhere he up and decides to tell me that he loves Coldplay, so I thought he had read on my profile how much I loved Coldplay, but apparently I didn't write anything about Coldplay on my profile. So I thought it was really cool that he liked them and all, then Rian explains that he is a professional musician, and he ends up calling me in a few minutes to play me a song and sing. I thought he was very very good... he had to get off the phone for something for his mother and he told me he would call me back. He never called me back that night, and I was all bummed out about it actually, which normally I wouldn't care too much, but I did. So I kind of forgot all about him over the next two weeks, then just last Monday, the second after I got out of my first college exam he calls. We end up talking on the phone that day for about five and a half hours. Every day after he ends up calling me, and we talk forever every time. He invited me to go to Borders, a coffee shop that he would be playing at on Friday, so me and Angel went. Within the first five minutes of being in the same room with him, I am copletly captivated. Within the next five minutes he tells me how utterly beautifull I am, and how he can't stop looking at me.........
We all get in the car and head to Augusta cause that is where Borders is and all. First of all we are very much alike, and Angel noticed it too, we both just talk and talk, and try to talk over each other talking! We act the same, like the same foods, think the same. Too much. We get to borders and the entire time I am trying to prepare myself to say "no" to him, because I know he is going to bring up wanting to date me that night. The reason I was trying to prepare myself to say no, is because I didn't want to say no at all, because it feels like it's natural for us to be together. So anyway Rian plays some songs, later on that night I found out that he was looking at me every song he played, and when he would look away I would look at him, he dedicated a song that I really like to me, and mades jokes about me outloud. After the show me him and Angel all walked around downtown, we went to the river walk, and he gave me a tiny tiny little peck on the corner of my mouth when I was trying to show him my scars.... Then we went to this parking garage and went on the roof to look at all of Agusta. Angel was having a hard time with her heart.. so she wanted to.. sit down for a while to calm down a little bit.. so I walked over to the other side of the roof where Rian had wondered off to, and we both leaned over the edge, and he said "I really like you a lot, and you are so beautiful, we should really date." In my head I said "no" but out of my mouth the words "okay... okay" came out. He said "really", and I said "yes". ......................
...You know when it rains and people run away to get away from the rain.. well why do we fun from something that God meant to happen? So I am going to stop running. I am just going to let the rain fucking soak me. I had a day dream that Rian and I were old, and walking hand in hand in a park. I am convinced we were together in a past life or something. He looks so familiar to me, feels so familiar, when he hugs me, it feels like he has hugged me a million times before. It feels so right. I have never felt so right about anything in my entire life. When he looks at me, it's like I've seen his face every single day of my life.. oh god.. I feel all these things that I have never ever felt before in my life and I know I feel love.. what the hell else could it be? I have no doubt in my mind we will be married and I will spend the rest of my life with this man. I have never felt so happy in my entire lifetime, never. I have seen him for the past three days in a row, and I have not seen him today, and it hurts not to be with him today. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday have been the best three days of my life. On Saturday he took me to Hopeland Gardens, It was beautiful, he held my hand the entire time... the day dream I had of us was on Friday night by the way, before we went to the park on SAt, and Sun. On Sunday He took me to a park. He gave me a real kiss on Saturday, I was leaning up against a gazibo poll, and when he kissed me I used my entire energy to keep standing, all I wanted to do was slide down the poll and lay on the floor and smile. He doesn't have to say anything, I know how he feels, even though he did tell me, he never had to , not once, i can see it when he looks at me. I accept my feelings now, at first I was afraid of how fast I fell for him, then I just stopped trying to fight it, as I said before I'm gonna let the rain soak me up, so bring it on. I see my future with him. He feels every little thing I feel. Saturday night he cried..... he cried..... he was crying because he was so happy he found me, and he said his dad pushed him to me, he said that the people that he has lost in his past was because his dad was trying to push away all of the bad things. He said that he didn't die when he tried to commit suicide six months ago, and now he found the reason why he survived... because of me. I have never felt as important as I do when I'm with him. He told me that there's been a void in him since he was ten and in the last three days he said it's being filled. How can I be so important to anyone? I don't want to dissapoint him. GOD
... I can't friggin stop crying...lol
There is a point where there is too many cowincidences to be a cowincidence... then it has to destiny, fate, mean to be (whatever ya wanna call it). It feels too right and too familiar to be anything else. Come January he will be living in Columbia and have a managing company have signed him. I am so priviledged to have been found by this man. Just watch. We are going to be together forever, even after we die, obvously we've done it once, we can do it again.
We all get in the car and head to Augusta cause that is where Borders is and all. First of all we are very much alike, and Angel noticed it too, we both just talk and talk, and try to talk over each other talking! We act the same, like the same foods, think the same. Too much. We get to borders and the entire time I am trying to prepare myself to say "no" to him, because I know he is going to bring up wanting to date me that night. The reason I was trying to prepare myself to say no, is because I didn't want to say no at all, because it feels like it's natural for us to be together. So anyway Rian plays some songs, later on that night I found out that he was looking at me every song he played, and when he would look away I would look at him, he dedicated a song that I really like to me, and mades jokes about me outloud. After the show me him and Angel all walked around downtown, we went to the river walk, and he gave me a tiny tiny little peck on the corner of my mouth when I was trying to show him my scars.... Then we went to this parking garage and went on the roof to look at all of Agusta. Angel was having a hard time with her heart.. so she wanted to.. sit down for a while to calm down a little bit.. so I walked over to the other side of the roof where Rian had wondered off to, and we both leaned over the edge, and he said "I really like you a lot, and you are so beautiful, we should really date." In my head I said "no" but out of my mouth the words "okay... okay" came out. He said "really", and I said "yes". ......................
...You know when it rains and people run away to get away from the rain.. well why do we fun from something that God meant to happen? So I am going to stop running. I am just going to let the rain fucking soak me. I had a day dream that Rian and I were old, and walking hand in hand in a park. I am convinced we were together in a past life or something. He looks so familiar to me, feels so familiar, when he hugs me, it feels like he has hugged me a million times before. It feels so right. I have never felt so right about anything in my entire life. When he looks at me, it's like I've seen his face every single day of my life.. oh god.. I feel all these things that I have never ever felt before in my life and I know I feel love.. what the hell else could it be? I have no doubt in my mind we will be married and I will spend the rest of my life with this man. I have never felt so happy in my entire lifetime, never. I have seen him for the past three days in a row, and I have not seen him today, and it hurts not to be with him today. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday have been the best three days of my life. On Saturday he took me to Hopeland Gardens, It was beautiful, he held my hand the entire time... the day dream I had of us was on Friday night by the way, before we went to the park on SAt, and Sun. On Sunday He took me to a park. He gave me a real kiss on Saturday, I was leaning up against a gazibo poll, and when he kissed me I used my entire energy to keep standing, all I wanted to do was slide down the poll and lay on the floor and smile. He doesn't have to say anything, I know how he feels, even though he did tell me, he never had to , not once, i can see it when he looks at me. I accept my feelings now, at first I was afraid of how fast I fell for him, then I just stopped trying to fight it, as I said before I'm gonna let the rain soak me up, so bring it on. I see my future with him. He feels every little thing I feel. Saturday night he cried..... he cried..... he was crying because he was so happy he found me, and he said his dad pushed him to me, he said that the people that he has lost in his past was because his dad was trying to push away all of the bad things. He said that he didn't die when he tried to commit suicide six months ago, and now he found the reason why he survived... because of me. I have never felt as important as I do when I'm with him. He told me that there's been a void in him since he was ten and in the last three days he said it's being filled. How can I be so important to anyone? I don't want to dissapoint him. GOD
... I can't friggin stop crying...lol
There is a point where there is too many cowincidences to be a cowincidence... then it has to destiny, fate, mean to be (whatever ya wanna call it). It feels too right and too familiar to be anything else. Come January he will be living in Columbia and have a managing company have signed him. I am so priviledged to have been found by this man. Just watch. We are going to be together forever, even after we die, obvously we've done it once, we can do it again.