Beef? Spit? What the hell?
My boss's second daughter, The Other Daughter From Hell, is in the office again. It's bad enough that she's a 42 year old spoiled brat who never speaks to daddy except when she needs money, bad enough that she's dumbtarded and fouls up everything she touches, the worst part is that she likes to spend her time in my area of the office. Today she was standing near my desk, getting some mail together, getting it ready for postage. This is not a good place for her to be, but she can't stay away, like a moth to the flame.
I don't know what horrid concoction of chemicals she used today when she got up, but she smelled like burning beef. No lie. Take a pound of ground beef straight out of the package and throw it on a hot skillet. That smell you get just before it burns? That was her. How is that even possible? It's normally a smell I enjoy, it means I'm getting food soon, but on a person it just smells evil. I found myself getting queazy just sitting there. I turned on my little desk fan, but that just spread it around the room.
I guess she has something against licking envelopes, because she fucking spits on them, and rubs it in with her thumb. Never mind that this gets almost all the glue off the envelope and on your thumb, it also soaks the bloody envelope! It's filthy! Then she had the nerve to say, "You know envelopes just aren't as sticky as they should be, I have the hardest time getting the little flap to stay closed. You have any tape?" I wanted to lure her over with the tape dispenser and bash her head into my desk when she came near. Then she expected me to pick up these dripping, vile envelopes and put postage on them for her! I just pointed at the postage machine and said, in the most patronizing voice possible, "You run them through left to right, like reading a book." Of course when she ran them through, the soaked envelopes gummed up the machine and tore.
Guh. Fuh. Buh. Why?
I'm still trying to figure out the spit thing. Who the hell does that?
I don't know what horrid concoction of chemicals she used today when she got up, but she smelled like burning beef. No lie. Take a pound of ground beef straight out of the package and throw it on a hot skillet. That smell you get just before it burns? That was her. How is that even possible? It's normally a smell I enjoy, it means I'm getting food soon, but on a person it just smells evil. I found myself getting queazy just sitting there. I turned on my little desk fan, but that just spread it around the room.
I guess she has something against licking envelopes, because she fucking spits on them, and rubs it in with her thumb. Never mind that this gets almost all the glue off the envelope and on your thumb, it also soaks the bloody envelope! It's filthy! Then she had the nerve to say, "You know envelopes just aren't as sticky as they should be, I have the hardest time getting the little flap to stay closed. You have any tape?" I wanted to lure her over with the tape dispenser and bash her head into my desk when she came near. Then she expected me to pick up these dripping, vile envelopes and put postage on them for her! I just pointed at the postage machine and said, in the most patronizing voice possible, "You run them through left to right, like reading a book." Of course when she ran them through, the soaked envelopes gummed up the machine and tore.
Guh. Fuh. Buh. Why?
I'm still trying to figure out the spit thing. Who the hell does that?