Jan 08, 2008 06:41
I think my marriage is on the verge of demise. Greg is not happy and has NO problem letting me know that through words and actions. He's been so nasty lately it's like living with a stranger that can't stand you. Half the time I think he'd rather spit on me then talk to me. Our lives haven't changed much. I'm still the same person with just a little extra cushion then before but other then that I think I'm the same. But he seems to think I'm the most unhappy, bitchy,mean woman in the world and during our recent conversations wants me to tell him why I'm all of those things. I didn't think I was unhappy, unless he's treating me like shit I've got it pretty good but he bound and determined I'm miserale and must know why. He thinks my misery is causing my negative attitude and all my bitchyness must have a cause we can pinpoint. Personally like I said I'm happy. I get frustrated sometimes when the kids are fighting or every once in a while, and I know this must be some kinda sin but I just have a bad day, crazy me I thought we all had those.
So at this point he's not sure what we should do. I think he wants a seperation but he's unwilling to be the one to say it. He's rather make me miserable till I break. He talks about not wanting to let this go for a few more years till we really hate eachother then breakup and make things even harder for the kids. So I take all that talk about he doesn't want to let our unhappiness go till we hate eachother and have a bad divorce as him saying he'd rather get it over with now. He criticizes all the things I do around the house and such. And he keeps talking about how wonderful of a day he had last weekend when I worked in Ocala and stayed at Heidi's house during the day instead of driving home. So the best day he's had in a long time was when I was gone. He keeps talking about how he did all the laundry and cleaned the house and took care of the kids all by himself so why is it hard for me. I do that shit everyday. Granted there's days where the laundry gets away from me or I don't have dinner on the table with all the dishes done as soon as they are dirtyed but silly me i thought we were living pretty well and that our house was something to be pround of.
At this point I'm not sure what to do. Do I make this easy on him and give him a seperation and see where it goes from there? I'm scared to death to do that. I am all alone. We moved over here leaving my job behind along with all the friends I've made sice we moved to Florida. My grandma is dead and my parents are 1500 miles away in Michigan. I don't have a job or a way to support myself and the kids and without him what would I do that wouldn't cost more in childcare then I could make. DAMN HIM how could he do this to me, I'm not even sure at this point if I'm more scared of him leaving or just being alone and trying to do this on my own. I didn't have all these kids and create my life around him and his dreams for him to just to decide that it's not enough.
I just want to cry and curl up in a ball but i can't my kids need their mother to get her shit together and keep going.
My life and uncertain future has never been this hard.