Final straw...
I am going to spill my guts right now, cause I havent in a while...
I miss her, I cant escape that feeling. I loved her so much. She was the most influential and important person in my life, and I am obviously not good enough for her. But she found that out really far in to our friendship...after I had realized what a perfect woman she is. She is the one person everyone in this world should idolize. Shes smart, successful, beautiful, sexy, devoted, and motivated. Shes got everything, not cause it was given to her, but because she worked her ass off for it. She made sacrifices that the rest of us wouldnt dream of. She has been through so much in her life, she has gone through the unthinkable. She has made it through though. She has gone through things that would have broken millions of other people, but she alone was strong enough to endure. I admire her every time I think of her. At the same time though, I cry every time I think of her, because I know I was once a part of that amazing woman's life. I was once one of her best friends, I was the one she hung out with a lot, talked to on the phone til 2 am, sat and watched Nip/Tuck with and freaked out over the storyline. She was the one person who, when I felt all hope in people was lost, took me in to her life and showed me that you dont have to have some major elaborate relationship with titles and monogomy and a plan in. She showed me that it was completely ok and in fact desirable to be with someone, whether there were romantic feelings or not, and just be with them...have fun...watch movies...go to TacoBell/Pizza Hut. She made everyday that I sat and thought about how bad things have been for me in the past seem pointless and stupid. She showed me that no matter what has happened to me in the past, the only thing that matters is that I am happy with who I am and where I am going. In the words of Jason, Fuck some female bullshit. She wasnt gonna say that, but I kinda figured that was it. Replace the female with "High school" or "relationship" and that was what she would say. Oh and not the fuck part either...she only says that when she gets mad. Like when she was hyper mad at me...great...there I go again thinking about it...
Jasons right, shes right...fuck all of this relationship bullshit...but in saying all of that and her doing the things she did (i.e. - staying up on the phone with me just to talk, watching movies with me, all the times we just hung out all night long) and none of it having any romantic implications to it ended up making her the one person who I loved most...kinda backfired didnt it? Yea, so now in losing her, its actually exponentially worse than if we had just been casual friends or had been dating.(the whole title thing type dating) I hate being with out her...I miss talking to her, I miss hanging out with her, I miss her hugs, her smile, her giggle, her cute little feet ;) I miss everything about her. Most of all though, I miss just hearing her voice...so calm and soothing, so wise and beautiful...such beautiful singing too...God...I love her so much...
So if you are reading this Jeni, I miss you, Im sorry for what I did...if you can find it in your heart to forgive me...just know that Im sorry...merry christmas...and I love you and I always will...
Good bye everyone...
I miss her, I cant escape that feeling. I loved her so much. She was the most influential and important person in my life, and I am obviously not good enough for her. But she found that out really far in to our friendship...after I had realized what a perfect woman she is. She is the one person everyone in this world should idolize. Shes smart, successful, beautiful, sexy, devoted, and motivated. Shes got everything, not cause it was given to her, but because she worked her ass off for it. She made sacrifices that the rest of us wouldnt dream of. She has been through so much in her life, she has gone through the unthinkable. She has made it through though. She has gone through things that would have broken millions of other people, but she alone was strong enough to endure. I admire her every time I think of her. At the same time though, I cry every time I think of her, because I know I was once a part of that amazing woman's life. I was once one of her best friends, I was the one she hung out with a lot, talked to on the phone til 2 am, sat and watched Nip/Tuck with and freaked out over the storyline. She was the one person who, when I felt all hope in people was lost, took me in to her life and showed me that you dont have to have some major elaborate relationship with titles and monogomy and a plan in. She showed me that it was completely ok and in fact desirable to be with someone, whether there were romantic feelings or not, and just be with them...have fun...watch movies...go to TacoBell/Pizza Hut. She made everyday that I sat and thought about how bad things have been for me in the past seem pointless and stupid. She showed me that no matter what has happened to me in the past, the only thing that matters is that I am happy with who I am and where I am going. In the words of Jason, Fuck some female bullshit. She wasnt gonna say that, but I kinda figured that was it. Replace the female with "High school" or "relationship" and that was what she would say. Oh and not the fuck part either...she only says that when she gets mad. Like when she was hyper mad at me...great...there I go again thinking about it...
Jasons right, shes right...fuck all of this relationship bullshit...but in saying all of that and her doing the things she did (i.e. - staying up on the phone with me just to talk, watching movies with me, all the times we just hung out all night long) and none of it having any romantic implications to it ended up making her the one person who I loved most...kinda backfired didnt it? Yea, so now in losing her, its actually exponentially worse than if we had just been casual friends or had been dating.(the whole title thing type dating) I hate being with out her...I miss talking to her, I miss hanging out with her, I miss her hugs, her smile, her giggle, her cute little feet ;) I miss everything about her. Most of all though, I miss just hearing her voice...so calm and soothing, so wise and beautiful...such beautiful singing too...God...I love her so much...
So if you are reading this Jeni, I miss you, Im sorry for what I did...if you can find it in your heart to forgive me...just know that Im sorry...merry christmas...and I love you and I always will...
Good bye everyone...