End.

[crepusculareyes]

Sometimes one writes a post meant for a very specific group of people or person.  I have to admit, most of my LJ posts have been written for my LJ friends to read.  That was the whole reason I got one in the first place -- so I could interact with you guys and connect in a special means.  It was good for awhile.  But after I decided to stay home, well, things didn't go quite so well, did they?  And when I tried to pretend that some of you didn't read my posts anymore, everything in my life just got worse.  I didn't mean to hurt anyone, I didn't mean to lose friends.  People mean the world to me, but I've been totally selfish for the past 6 months or so, and I think I've screwed up big-time.  Out of the LJ friends I still have, I think only one of you actually still wants to be my friend, and our contact is supersporatic and weird.

I used to brag about how I am good at avoiding drama.  But lately I think I've been creating it.
I'm sorry.

So I'm going to stop being stupid.

I'm not closing down my LJ.  For some weird reason, I feel like keeping it.  But! I will not be posting the same kind of posts I have been.  The kind where people assume things are written about them, the kind where I'm bitter or emotional or angry because of a certain situation.  The kind that you guys don't need to read.  The kind I should keep to myself.

I know that I've really fucked things up. 
I'm not sure how to right them, but I think this is a beginning.
(If there's anything else I can do, please let me know.)

Love.