College nerves >_>
I probably shouldn't write anything like what I am about to - I don't wanna jinx anything - but I really worry too much about school.
For anyone who doesn't know, I have ten classes this semester. I'm taking well over 18 credits and three classes for non-credit. That that I mind! I LOVE my major and I love being able to write music for homework and hopefully a living and whatnot... but I am always so worried that I am doing poorly.
I have a really shitty work ethic, I don't like to read for homework, I hate practicing (I'll practice on my own for hours...but if it's assigned...I can't bring myself to do it) and I'm completely last minute. So I'll be going along week, by week, fine, relatively relaxed, and then I'll have a huge test or a huge song or a huge paper due...and for the few days before the due date, I'll be a complete stressed-out mess. Seriously. I become grumpy and irritable and I want to jump out a window, never do an once of work again, pray for somehting horrible to happen to me so that I won't get in trouble or be blamed for doing things half-assed ....and I'll worry and worry and worry that I'll never do well or get it done and it's all over and I'll lose my scholarship...
...and somehow I always pull it together and end up with a 95 or something on my test, a compliment from my major teacher about my song (that I finished ten minutes before my lesson) or a decent grade on my paper that somehow managed to get there on time. And I have no idea how this happens. I need to learn to trust myself, and say "Kate...you always pull this shit together somehow, some way...so chill out and remember that!" But then sometimes I find some weird alternate route around handing in a homework assigment on time or end up doing some Jazz Ear Training assignments in the labs later int he week instead of the class...and then I start procrastinating hardcore and start worrying again! I mean...it's nice I suppose to not have to put 100% effort into reading a book or practicing (I always put 100% into my actual composing in case you were curious), and still get by with A's and B's. But it's almost not worth putting it all off until the last minute when I get to ridiculously stressed out and angry with myself. And I worry! For hours! "Oh, shit, I missed that class today, I am gonna lose my scholarship!" And my school is pretty hardcore about not letting you miss classes. 2 or 3 absences tops or your grade drops. I love school, I love my classes, and there is no where better to go for music composition...but it's all my fault that I get so stressed out. I'm so afraid that I'll get kicked out and stupid crap like that....
I need to give myself some more credit.
I just figured out Life from BLEACH on the piano and I am totally jamming. I love that song. The bass line for the chorus is AWESOME. I arranged Houki Boshi and Life is Like a Boat for piano awhile ago, and I feel guilty for continually betraying old Bleach songs for the progressively awesome new ones that come out. I think me and Beck totally got Rob into Happy People. It's the best when blasted in a car with a backseat full of Bleach-goons. Then you get that horribly unmelodious chorus of "HAPPY PEOPLE'S IN THE HOUSE!!!" in which case 70% of the people are most likely tone deaf and it just makes it all the more fun.
I have a ten-twenty page paper due in World Music tomorrow at 10. Did I start it yet? No. Will I start it before dark? Nope. However...here is the fun part...I get to fucking write it on Japanese pop music. OH DEAR GOD HOW HORRIBLE! I THINK I MIGHT DIE AT THE SHEER HORRIDNESS AT HAVING TO WRITE AN ENTIRE PAPER ON ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS ON EARTH! See why I can't complain? I'l lget struck by lightening or something and the Goddess will be like "BITCH. Enjoy your nerdy-ass libral-as-all-fucking-hell-that-people-had-to-skip-school-when-Bush-won-because-they-were-so-depressed artistically and musically advanced, prestigious, cultural and perfect-for-you-school and stop thinking that you have it hard! At least you get to do what you love!" Yeah, yeah...I'm gonna shut up now...
But hell yeah...J-pop paper! I think I shall compare it to the horrors of American pop, and seriously...as someone who has arranged and figured out and even performed like 200 Japanese songs...I think I should do alright 0_0
I decked my Naruto messenger bag out hardcore in Naruto patches and keychains and all the weird Naruto shit I have. It looks SO FUCKING NARUTARDED. I love it like I love Yaoi.
Speaking of Yaoi...I am working on some Neji/Lee fics. I LOVE that couple. Lee is my ultimate love *dreamy sigh*
I should take a nap before my long-ass paper. I was up until 4 working on my paper for Modernism that Beck helped me do and managed to get done in enough time to print it out and book it over to class. So I am tired and probably not making sense.
Don't worry...no one will blame you if you don't read this. T_T_T I'm gonna play some Katamari.
For anyone who doesn't know, I have ten classes this semester. I'm taking well over 18 credits and three classes for non-credit. That that I mind! I LOVE my major and I love being able to write music for homework and hopefully a living and whatnot... but I am always so worried that I am doing poorly.
I have a really shitty work ethic, I don't like to read for homework, I hate practicing (I'll practice on my own for hours...but if it's assigned...I can't bring myself to do it) and I'm completely last minute. So I'll be going along week, by week, fine, relatively relaxed, and then I'll have a huge test or a huge song or a huge paper due...and for the few days before the due date, I'll be a complete stressed-out mess. Seriously. I become grumpy and irritable and I want to jump out a window, never do an once of work again, pray for somehting horrible to happen to me so that I won't get in trouble or be blamed for doing things half-assed ....and I'll worry and worry and worry that I'll never do well or get it done and it's all over and I'll lose my scholarship...
...and somehow I always pull it together and end up with a 95 or something on my test, a compliment from my major teacher about my song (that I finished ten minutes before my lesson) or a decent grade on my paper that somehow managed to get there on time. And I have no idea how this happens. I need to learn to trust myself, and say "Kate...you always pull this shit together somehow, some way...so chill out and remember that!" But then sometimes I find some weird alternate route around handing in a homework assigment on time or end up doing some Jazz Ear Training assignments in the labs later int he week instead of the class...and then I start procrastinating hardcore and start worrying again! I mean...it's nice I suppose to not have to put 100% effort into reading a book or practicing (I always put 100% into my actual composing in case you were curious), and still get by with A's and B's. But it's almost not worth putting it all off until the last minute when I get to ridiculously stressed out and angry with myself. And I worry! For hours! "Oh, shit, I missed that class today, I am gonna lose my scholarship!" And my school is pretty hardcore about not letting you miss classes. 2 or 3 absences tops or your grade drops. I love school, I love my classes, and there is no where better to go for music composition...but it's all my fault that I get so stressed out. I'm so afraid that I'll get kicked out and stupid crap like that....
I need to give myself some more credit.
I just figured out Life from BLEACH on the piano and I am totally jamming. I love that song. The bass line for the chorus is AWESOME. I arranged Houki Boshi and Life is Like a Boat for piano awhile ago, and I feel guilty for continually betraying old Bleach songs for the progressively awesome new ones that come out. I think me and Beck totally got Rob into Happy People. It's the best when blasted in a car with a backseat full of Bleach-goons. Then you get that horribly unmelodious chorus of "HAPPY PEOPLE'S IN THE HOUSE!!!" in which case 70% of the people are most likely tone deaf and it just makes it all the more fun.
I have a ten-twenty page paper due in World Music tomorrow at 10. Did I start it yet? No. Will I start it before dark? Nope. However...here is the fun part...I get to fucking write it on Japanese pop music. OH DEAR GOD HOW HORRIBLE! I THINK I MIGHT DIE AT THE SHEER HORRIDNESS AT HAVING TO WRITE AN ENTIRE PAPER ON ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS ON EARTH! See why I can't complain? I'l lget struck by lightening or something and the Goddess will be like "BITCH. Enjoy your nerdy-ass libral-as-all-fucking-hell-that-people-had-to-skip-school-when-Bush-won-because-they-were-so-depressed artistically and musically advanced, prestigious, cultural and perfect-for-you-school and stop thinking that you have it hard! At least you get to do what you love!" Yeah, yeah...I'm gonna shut up now...
But hell yeah...J-pop paper! I think I shall compare it to the horrors of American pop, and seriously...as someone who has arranged and figured out and even performed like 200 Japanese songs...I think I should do alright 0_0
I decked my Naruto messenger bag out hardcore in Naruto patches and keychains and all the weird Naruto shit I have. It looks SO FUCKING NARUTARDED. I love it like I love Yaoi.
Speaking of Yaoi...I am working on some Neji/Lee fics. I LOVE that couple. Lee is my ultimate love *dreamy sigh*
I should take a nap before my long-ass paper. I was up until 4 working on my paper for Modernism that Beck helped me do and managed to get done in enough time to print it out and book it over to class. So I am tired and probably not making sense.
Don't worry...no one will blame you if you don't read this. T_T_T I'm gonna play some Katamari.