[fic] Live This Life
Title: Live This Life
Author: creepy_crawly
Characters/Pairings: Hyuuga Hizashi, Hyuuga Hiashi (gen)
Rating: PG
Warnings: misery
Disclaimer: No own. No money. No shame.
Summary: They were born twins…but they’re no longer identical, are they? (Reflections on the death of Hyuuga Hizashi.)
For years, Hiashi has invaded Hizashi’s room whenever he’s had a bad day. It’s habit by now. His brother’s room is his, too, and it always has been. Even though Hizashi is living in the Branch Family complex now, Hiashi still comes to visit when he’s having a bad day.
Today counts as a bad day.
Hizashi sits with his back to his brother, brushing his long hair out carefully. He can still see Hiashi, of course; the Byakuugan has its uses, after all. But he doesn’t say anything. When Hiashi comes into his room, it means he needs an escape. Escape for Hiashi usually means escaping questions, demands, and comments.
If his brother needs the silence, Hizashi will share it.
Hiashi, for his part, lays on the comfortable futon, curled up in a little ball, watching Hizashi’s hands and contemplating fate. His heart pounds in his chest, feeling tighter than if someone had closed his tenketsu. The silence sits heavy on his body, weighing down arms and legs and aching mind alike. Hizashi’s comforter-fluffed with goose down, patterned with constellations-is soft beneath his cheek, like love, like life, like Hizashi’s skin.
Unexpectedly, it hurts.
It’s Hiashi who finally breaks the silence, as always. Raising his head from the comforter, he looks at his brother and says the only thing he thinks he can say without dissolving into the tears that have been threatening all afternoon. “Why?”
Hizashi turns on his stool, setting aside the brush, ignoring the mirror as always. His eyes are soft and gentle, and the seal on his forehead glows against his pale skin like acid. “Because,” he answers simply. “You are my brother. And it is my life.”
“It’s mine, too,” Hiashi whimpers, his hands fisting in the soft cotton of the blanket beneath him. “You promised!”
“I promised to protect you with my life,” Hizashi returns. His voice is smooth and even, and all too logical and calm. “Not because you are Head Family; because you are Hiashi, my twin. My other half.”
“Your worse half,” Hiashi manages, though his eyes are starting to burn and there’s a patch of damp beneath his cheek.
“My mirror,” Hizashi says solemnly, rising to his feet. In a few quick steps, he has crossed the room. He settles onto the futon next to Hiashi, and gently moves his brother so that he may sit comfortably. Cocking his head to the left, he gently starts stroking Hiashi’s hair, where it has fallen in his face.
“I don’t want to be your mirror,” Hiashi murmurs. “I want to be your brother, ‘Zashi.” Miserably, he burrows against his twin’s knee, hiding his face from the candlelight. “Why do you have to do this?”
Hizashi is silent for a moment, just stroking his hair, petting his face, comforting Hiashi with all the little touches he dares. “I have to do this…” he says finally, “for me. We’re not identical, Hiashi, not anymore.”
Unbidden, Hiashi’s eyes rise to the seal on his forehead. “I didn’t want…” he begins.
Hizashi interrupts him. “I know. I’ve heard you argue about it with Mother and Father frequently enough.” He smiles slightly. “But what’s done is done, and this is one cage you can’t unlock.” His fingers find the sensitive curve of Hiashi’s jaw and, as they often have, gently stroke along it. His hair whispers across his shoulders, loose, unbound, tumbling down in a thick, soft cloud to tease along Hiashi’s skin.
“What about Neji?” Hiashi asks, frightened enough at losing Hizashi to play a dirty trick and bring the child into it.
Hizashi shrugs eloquently. “I think…” he says quietly, “that Neji will be best served by learning to make his own destiny.”
“Is that what you’re doing?” Hiashi demands. “Making your own destiny?”
“I’m living my life, Hiashi,” Hizashi whispers. Leaning over, he presses a soft kiss to his brother’s forehead, right where the seal would be, if their lives were swapped.
Hiashi closes his eyes, feeling his brother’s kiss like the burn of the curse seal, and knowing this is one cage he’ll never escape.
Author: creepy_crawly
Characters/Pairings: Hyuuga Hizashi, Hyuuga Hiashi (gen)
Rating: PG
Warnings: misery
Disclaimer: No own. No money. No shame.
Summary: They were born twins…but they’re no longer identical, are they? (Reflections on the death of Hyuuga Hizashi.)
For years, Hiashi has invaded Hizashi’s room whenever he’s had a bad day. It’s habit by now. His brother’s room is his, too, and it always has been. Even though Hizashi is living in the Branch Family complex now, Hiashi still comes to visit when he’s having a bad day.
Today counts as a bad day.
Hizashi sits with his back to his brother, brushing his long hair out carefully. He can still see Hiashi, of course; the Byakuugan has its uses, after all. But he doesn’t say anything. When Hiashi comes into his room, it means he needs an escape. Escape for Hiashi usually means escaping questions, demands, and comments.
If his brother needs the silence, Hizashi will share it.
Hiashi, for his part, lays on the comfortable futon, curled up in a little ball, watching Hizashi’s hands and contemplating fate. His heart pounds in his chest, feeling tighter than if someone had closed his tenketsu. The silence sits heavy on his body, weighing down arms and legs and aching mind alike. Hizashi’s comforter-fluffed with goose down, patterned with constellations-is soft beneath his cheek, like love, like life, like Hizashi’s skin.
Unexpectedly, it hurts.
It’s Hiashi who finally breaks the silence, as always. Raising his head from the comforter, he looks at his brother and says the only thing he thinks he can say without dissolving into the tears that have been threatening all afternoon. “Why?”
Hizashi turns on his stool, setting aside the brush, ignoring the mirror as always. His eyes are soft and gentle, and the seal on his forehead glows against his pale skin like acid. “Because,” he answers simply. “You are my brother. And it is my life.”
“It’s mine, too,” Hiashi whimpers, his hands fisting in the soft cotton of the blanket beneath him. “You promised!”
“I promised to protect you with my life,” Hizashi returns. His voice is smooth and even, and all too logical and calm. “Not because you are Head Family; because you are Hiashi, my twin. My other half.”
“Your worse half,” Hiashi manages, though his eyes are starting to burn and there’s a patch of damp beneath his cheek.
“My mirror,” Hizashi says solemnly, rising to his feet. In a few quick steps, he has crossed the room. He settles onto the futon next to Hiashi, and gently moves his brother so that he may sit comfortably. Cocking his head to the left, he gently starts stroking Hiashi’s hair, where it has fallen in his face.
“I don’t want to be your mirror,” Hiashi murmurs. “I want to be your brother, ‘Zashi.” Miserably, he burrows against his twin’s knee, hiding his face from the candlelight. “Why do you have to do this?”
Hizashi is silent for a moment, just stroking his hair, petting his face, comforting Hiashi with all the little touches he dares. “I have to do this…” he says finally, “for me. We’re not identical, Hiashi, not anymore.”
Unbidden, Hiashi’s eyes rise to the seal on his forehead. “I didn’t want…” he begins.
Hizashi interrupts him. “I know. I’ve heard you argue about it with Mother and Father frequently enough.” He smiles slightly. “But what’s done is done, and this is one cage you can’t unlock.” His fingers find the sensitive curve of Hiashi’s jaw and, as they often have, gently stroke along it. His hair whispers across his shoulders, loose, unbound, tumbling down in a thick, soft cloud to tease along Hiashi’s skin.
“What about Neji?” Hiashi asks, frightened enough at losing Hizashi to play a dirty trick and bring the child into it.
Hizashi shrugs eloquently. “I think…” he says quietly, “that Neji will be best served by learning to make his own destiny.”
“Is that what you’re doing?” Hiashi demands. “Making your own destiny?”
“I’m living my life, Hiashi,” Hizashi whispers. Leaning over, he presses a soft kiss to his brother’s forehead, right where the seal would be, if their lives were swapped.
Hiashi closes his eyes, feeling his brother’s kiss like the burn of the curse seal, and knowing this is one cage he’ll never escape.