[Fic] Never Really Gone
Title: Never Really Gone
Author: creepy_crawly
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Um, lessee...angst, yaoi, angst, character death, angst, a bit of cussing, and did i mention angst?
Disclaimer: Naruto and all related situations and characters are the property of Kishimoto-sensei. And I'm not him. Only things that belong to me are my little fanon and panon beliefs.
Never Really Gone is a story told in dialogue. To set it up…it’s sort of like someone is interviewing them on the subject, ok? The parts in quotes and the parts not in quotes are equally important. Sometimes, actions tell a story different from words. In this case, they enhance, because I’m too lazy to make them do more. But still, keep that in mind when noticing how vague this is, and also in how abused some pronouns are. Thanks.
Never Really Gone
“Uchiha Sasuke…yeah, of course I knew him. I was his teacher for years.” A sob escapes, the sound muffled by the dark cloth of the mask. A tear falls from his eye, trickling down the exposed face to be soaked up in the mask. The mask swallows much, from his sounds to his tears, and also his emotion. It leaves the man seeming cold and emotionless, much like the boy he mourns…
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“Sasuke-kun? Of course. I grew up with him, was one of his fangirls, was his teammate. Of course I knew him.” Tears begin to gather in the corners of her eyes, a display of crystal emotion that she allows. One hand runs nervously over the item in her lap, fingers dancing carefully along it, a show of practised anxiety. Her emotions dance a knife’s edge in the shape of her fingers dancing along the kunai…his kunai…
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“Sasuke-teme? Duh I knew him. How could I not? I was his teammate…and his best friend…when we were little…” the voice trails off as he thinks about whom he’s talking about. The bastard, the hated enemy, the teacher, the student, the beloved best friend. He turns away as tears begin to gather in the corners of his eyes, but he doesn’t wipe them away. That would be an insult to his memory…an insult that he hasn’t earned…
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“Uchiha Sasuke…you want to know about him?” the voice is calm, the one visible eye full of curiosity and scepticism. Nobody wants to know about him…they all think they know the story. It’s strange to see someone want to know about him.
“Well, let’s see. What could you really need to know? He was one of the ANBU in the end…not that they’ll admit it. Seem to think it’s a shameful thing, to connect the name ANBU with the name of Uchiha Sasuke. Really, they should be proud.” He looks down at the questioning person. “Uchiha Sasuke was the best and worst thing to ever happen to this village.”
A deep sigh is heaved.
“So…from the beginning…”
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“I met Sasuke-kun when I was, oh, I don’t know, young. He was the Uchiha heir and knew it, even young as we were. He had this attitude that said he was important…but he wasn’t arrogant. Ok, well, he was, but only enough to cover what he knew he could do…and after that, there was no arrogance. All he ever really had was pride in his own abilities…he knew he was good, but he didn’t go around bragging about it. He had this sort of…understated way of being larger than life. Strange, really.” She heaves a sigh.
“I don’t really remember much of where I met him, or how. All I really remember is that I did meet him. He had this energy, this attitude that made you notice him.” She chuckles dryly. “I used to think that would be his downfall when we were academy students, but by the time we were genin, I was clearly wrong. He was the most invisible person in the world when he wanted to be.”
She smiles sadly and a tear falls slowly down her cheek. “When we started training, I really fell for him. Not only was he good looking, but he had skill, too! He was strong, and smart, and had a pretty good idea what he was doing, even when he had no clue. I always thought that he’d end up Hokage or something, but he just wanted to avenge to deaths of his clan. I used to think it was a waste of such strength and future…” she laughs bitterly. “Now I see that it was what he wanted. A little too late, though,” she sighs. “A little too late.”
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“My understanding of him came a little too late, I guess,” the blonde says nervously. “I spent the first few years of my life being friends with him, and…well, after it happened, he changed. And suddenly, we were enemies. It was like, one day, wow, we’re friends, and then the next, he hates me and looks like he wants to kill me, and I have no clue what in hell is going on until Iruka tells me that Sasuke’s entire clan has been slaughtered by some guy. And from then on, Sasuke-teme lived to kill Itachi. Lived to kill him, and that was it.” He laughs bitterly. “Of course, towards the end, that did change.”
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“He changed from when he was little, around the time his older brother began to be really famous, I suppose,” the silver-haired nin says pensively. “Suddenly, any pride or confidence he had in his own skills was…gone…just like that,” he adds, waving a hand. “No more. It’s gone. Kaput. Dead. He still did really well, and he never really let on that he didn’t believe in himself. But…after being a nin for so long…you start to notice the little things, you know?”
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“I don’t think I really ever noticed how depressed he got after Itachi killed his family. He just…angsted. And, being a fangirl…I thought it made him more sexy.” She sighs for the follies of youth. “I…I wish I had noticed…” she whispers suddenly.
“I just wish I had noticed.”
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“I sorta noticed when he changed…I mean, how could I not? He hated me,” the blonde says sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “But…more than that…I saw…I dunno, something in his eyes…it was almost like there was nothing, and so I saw nothing, but in me seeing that nothing, it became something that screamed to be noticed…even if none of us ever did. I mean, that whole bit with Orochimaru should have warned somebody…anybody…but we never saw it…” his voice trails off in horror. “None of us ever saw it.”
Suddenly, bright blue eyes look up and catch the other’s with an intensity that was frightening.
“I should have seen it.”
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“Orochimaru? Yes, Naruto would remember that more than any of us,” the jounin says with a partial grin. “Well, my memories of it are nowhere near as clear as Naruto’s, but…let’s see…Sasuke wanted power…and I can certainly understand that. He’d lost his entire family…and then spent years blaming himself for being too weak.” He sighs. “I guess it’s really more my fault than anything. He thought he’d get power from Orochimaru. Maybe if I had been better, more focused on him, it wouldn’t have happened. By all rights, it shouldn’t have happened. But it did. And it’s my fault.”
“It’s my fault, really,” the girl says slowly, running a hand along the old kunai. “I kept oohing and aahing over him and how…how…how powerful he was,” she chokes through tears. “But instead of seeing how powerful we saw him as, all he…all…all…he saw…was…was his we…weaknesses…” she sobs, tears falling in a steady flow.
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“Power was his one and only weakness. He went to Orochimaru for more power. That’s the only reason he went. It broke Sakura’s heart that he left us. Hell, it broke Kakashi’s and my hearts! I…I don’t think the bastard really realised how much we cared for him…”
The blonde sighs. “It’s my fault he left. If I hadn’t kept pushing him and arguing and fighting and reminding him of the incident with his family, he’d never have left. To be true, I didn’t remind him on purpose, but I did remind him. So, really, it’s my fault.” Blue eyes droop, then turn and stare at the floor.
“It’s my fault he’s dead.”
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“I firmly believe he would have died with Orochimaru if Naruto hadn’t brought him back,” the man says firmly. “None of the rest of us could do it. Hell, Tsunade sent out the best hunter-nins in the entire region and no one, not a single one, could find him. Sasuke was always good at disappearing like that…I never knew why. Iruka thought that maybe he had been abused when he was younger, but…he was an Uchiha. No one spreads rumours about Uchihas.” The man laughs suddenly.
“But anyway, no one could find him. Then, one day, Naruto just disappears! Tsunade’s panicking and makes up some rumour about him being on a mission, just so she won’t have to declare him ukenin. Iruka’s crying his eyes out, because he’s got this note that says Naruto’s looking for Sasuke…he was crying because he A)” here he smirks wide enough that it’s visible, even beneath the mask, “his baby’s grown up and found himself a lover, and B) because his baby was taking on the biggest, baddest bastard this side of hell. But somehow…Naruto knew how to find Sasuke…even when no one else could…”
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“If Sasuke didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t be found,” the woman remembers. “The only person who found him when he wanted to stay hidden was Naruto…which is probably why he went after him.” She laughs bitterly. “By that point…I dunno…I think everyone was afraid to go after Sasuke. He was the second of their beloved Uchihas to go ukenin…and S-class ukenin at that…” she chuckles. “And suddenly, their ‘monster’ has disappeared, presumably to find the Uchiha. Kami-sama, but it was a mess.”
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“I don’t really know why I went to look for Sasuke,” the blonde says slowly, fingers twisting nervously in his lap. “I mean…by that point…I think I realised I had feelings for him in a more than friends way…but…it hadn’t really…clicked, you know? So suddenly I’m on this hare-brained scheme…the only kind I’m capable of…and I’m chasing after Uchiha Sasuke, and I suddenly realise…wait…I’m out here, risking my neck in front of a Sasuke possessed by the worst guy this side of Hell…and I won’t hurt him because…I want to jump his fucking bones…his effing bones!” his hands twist together sharply.
“And then…he managed to get free…”
They twist together again.
“And then we ran like hell.”
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“Just as Tsunade was fretting, because she was going to have to declare Naruto ukenin, it happened…” he grins, it once again visible despite his mask.
“I remember…Sakura and I were near the main gate that day…no clue why…but suddenly she yells, ‘kami-sama…it’s them!’ and freaks out. I look, and sure enough, there’s the little bastards, running like hell towards the main gate, Sasuke leaning on Naruto more than running, and Naruto grabbing his ass.” He laughs suddenly.
“Noticeably, Sasuke wasn’t complaining.”
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“They just came running out of the woods, just as we’re walking past the gate. I freaked out and started yelling, then raced toward them. Naruto looked exhausted…and so did Sasuke. Sasuke, actually, looked like hell. I did my best, but he wouldn’t let go of Naruto’s hand. Eventually, we managed to get both of them to the medical wing by having Naruto give Sasuke a piggyback ride. I saw them groping each other the whole time…but…for some odd reason…I didn’t really mind…”
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“When we got back, I thought Tsunade-baabaa was going to have a heart attack. First of all, she’d just two seconds previously declared me ukenin. Second of all, she had an ukenin in her hospital, looking much the worse for the wear. Third of all, we were there, making out in front of Sakura and everybody…” he chuckles at the memory. “Of course, then she had to deal with half a dozen minor nosebleeds…and a major one, in Sakura’s case…”
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“She eventually took me off the list, and Sasuke, too. But he took longer than I did. Every night until his name was cleared, I slept on the chair next to his bed. One night, he actually got out of bed and tucked me in with him. The guard’s faces the next morning were priceless…”
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“Having those two back was the best thing in the world, really. Iruka was right…Naruto had found someone he really loved, and who really loved him back. Plus, they were cute together…really cute…but that’s not the point. For a few days, Tsunade ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, getting Naruto off the ukenin list. It took a while, but eventually she got Sasuke off, too. Still, he was under house arrest for a while, and he wasn’t allowed to leave the village, either. But that wasn’t the only problem…”
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“His being back didn’t solve all the problems. The villagers suddenly hated him almost as much as they had hated Naruto. First of all, he was their Uchiha. And he had gone ukenin. And, to top it all off, he was suddenly making out with the MONSTER. Now there was NO hope of an Uchiha heir. They hated him. They did to Sasuke what they had done to Naruto, and worse. It was sickening,” she whispers around the lump in her throat, fingers running quickly down the kunai in her lap.
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“Looking back…there are so many things I should have noticed,” he says quietly, voice hoarse. “The missing kunai, the missing shuriken…the odd behaviour…but every time I’d start to ask, he’d kiss me. And kami-sama…” he chuckles, the sound dry, rough, and bitter. “When Sasuke was kissing you, everything slipped your mind…you forgot everything except his lips, and yours, and the fact that his lips were touching yours. And then, kami-sama, he was using his tongue. Maybe it’s a family technique or something, but I’m pretty sure Sasuke could give Kakashi a run for his money when it comes to turning people on.” He grins brightly, but it’s dimmed with remembered love that has tarnished with pain. “First of all, he’s got that sex-god body. Second of all…well…boy had skills…and by skills, I mean skills.”
“Sasuke had the talents that went with a body like that.”
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“Naruto and Sasuke were pretty much attached at the lip. If it ever went further than that…well…they didn’t do it in public,” the girl laughs. “Honestly, I can’t count the number of times Kakashi had to threaten to neuter one or the other to get them to stop making out.” Her eyes dim suddenly. “They looked so happy…so in love…I don’t think anyone expected that they were anything but happy…so we missed the signs…”
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“Oh, kami-sama, those two never stopped kissing. Naruto would show up to workout, neck covered in hickies. Then he’d get hot, halfway through, and strip of the jacket. And when he was in the tank, well…let’s just say you could see that Uchiha’s were thorough in everything they did, be it fighting or loving.” The man’s eye sparkles, then dims. “But…we never really saw Sasuke, because of the whole house arrest thing. And then, when we did…well, I just guessed that he was as covered by hickies as Naruto, only a little more circumspect about them. And then, when the scent of blood was noticeable…I just thought that, you know, they had a few kinks or something.” He sighs and buries his face in his hands so that when he next speaks, it is muffled.
“I missed a lot, I guess. I missed the little signs. The blood when there wasn’t any legitimate wound, the secretiveness, the inexplicable pain…I don’t see why I didn’t see it earlier.”
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“I don’t see why I didn’t see it earlier,” the pink haired girl sighs. “I’m supposedly trained to see things like that…but…I didn’t. Didn’t notice how despondent he was getting, how he snapped at people, his mood swings…hell, I didn’t even catch the fact that he said he had been scratched by a cat, but he and Naruto never owned a cat. I honestly don’t see how I could have missed it…but some how…I did…”
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The blonde stares at the floor, the crystal splashes on the floor the only sign of his emotion.
“I don’t want to talk about, ok?”
His voice is hoarse, rough and ragged.
He isn’t forced to talk.
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The girl swipes her hand across his eyes. “If it hadn’t been for Naruto, we’d never have known what he was doing. One afternoon, Naruto got off early from training and went to surprise Sasuke. He told the guard to go home, that he’d take over for a while. And he walked into the house, and the scent of blood was…”
“Everywhere. There was blood everywhere. It smelled like death in there,” the man remembers. “Naruto found him, bleeding from the arms and legs, and raced him to Tsunade and Sakura, leaving the mess to Iruka and me. It was…”
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“The most horrifying thing I had ever seen,” the blonde says darkly. “My lover lying on the floor, blood still pouring out, despite the fact that it already covered the room. I grabbed him and raced for Tsunade, not even bothering to remove the kunai in his hand.”
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“Naruto brought him to us, bleeding like crazy. Tsunade and I immediately rushed him into surgery, and went to work trying to replenish his blood and fix all the cuts. At that point, I don’t think he was really suicidal,” the girl says succinctly, pushing pink hair behind her ears.
“But he definitely wanted to do some damage. And what Sasuke wanted to succeed in, Sasuke succeeded in.”
Her bitter laugh is the only sound that can be heard for a few minutes.
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“None of us saw it coming, really,” the man says slowly. “I don’t think even Naruto noticed. But we should have realised that forcing Sasuke to fester in the reminder of all his quote unquote weaknesses would not be good for him. Funny how that slipped our minds.”
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“At that time, it was the scariest thing I had ever seen,” the blonde says, tears tracing over whiskers on his face. “But it wasn’t the scariest thing I ever saw.”
“Not by a long shot.”
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“We got him taken care of, and put him on full watch,” the girl says bitterly. “Somehow, we actually thought that would prevent him from doing anything. We should have known better,” she laughs even more bitterly.
“Sasuke never failed at getting what he wanted.”
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“I don’t think we realised what was about to happen. We realised that something was wrong with Sasuke, but, hell, we didn’t really realise how bad off he was. As far as we knew, we had taken all of his kunai and shuriken and anything he could hurt himself with. Hell, Sakura still has the kunai that he came into the hospital holding onto when he made that mistake.” He glares at the floor. “Naruto was with him, twenty four seven, holding him, talking to him, guarding him. Sasuke wasn’t given a second of privacy…Naruto even went to the bathroom with him, showered with him for kami’s sake!”
“But, of course, Sasuke always was good at subterfuge.”
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“I…I don’t know how he managed to pull it off…” the blonde says slowly.
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“It was supposed to be impossible!” the girl wails, tears now streaming down her face.
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“It…it couldn’t have happened…” the man says numbly.
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“But he did.”
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“Nothing was impossible to him.”
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“It happened.”
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The blonde stops, stares, blinks, and stares again.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he whispers, voice thick with tears as he stands up and leaves, slamming the door behind him.
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She chokes on her tears. “I…I can’t talk about this…I’m sorry…” she, too, runs out of the room crying.
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The first full emotion he has shown this entire time is now revealed. “I…I can’t do this. I’m sorry, but I can’t help you,” he whispers, voice numb as he stands up and leaves the room, all of his actions as numb as his voice.
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A body lays in the middle of the floor, blood still slowly leaking along the seal scrawled around it, obscuring the lines of flaking and dried blood with rich scarlet wetness. Fitting, really. The seal made of his own blood wiped out by his own blood, just like his kin were wiped out by his kin. Funny how life loves little ironies like that.
His eyes…his dark, beautiful eyes…are wide and staring, the light reflecting off of them coming from the light the blonde has let in with his discovery. His perfect lips, which have given them so much, from words to kisses, are arched in a small smile unseen for so long. His face is relaxed and as beautiful as ever. It’s almost possible to believe he is at peace now.
His hands arc out across the floor, partially covered in blood, much like everything else in the room. Still, they are relaxed like the rest of him. One lays on the sign for death, and the other on the sign for life. It is a sickening irony to the blonde observer.
His legs…his long, strong, perfect legs are relaxed. His toes lay on the sign for fire, one of very few that has yet to be obliterated by the blood. As soon as it is, the entire thing will go up in flame. The paralysed man knows he should obscure it now, should wipe it out with his hands and prevent the blood from igniting it, but for now, he can’t move.
Through his heart is the weapon of his destruction. It is the long, glittering, gorgeous katana that is his heritage as an Uchiha. They all had one, crafted for them as a birthing day gift. His is enamelled in black, with the blade carved a shimmering and deadly blue, like the dragon patterned on it, wrapping its way over the blade. The dragon’s head, flaring red flame, is buried in his chest as if though devouring his heart.
Uchiha Sasuke no longer cares, though.
He is dead. Dead by his own hand.
And his lover…his poor, mourning lover…is left in the doorway, mouth agape, tears falling as he stares at what is left of the one person he truly loved.
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They all meet at the grave. It’s several years old, marked only by a tablet made of black marble, and the small shrine. The pink haired girl, more woman than girl after all she has seen, clings to her old teacher and her friend, even as the fox-boy clings to them. Their teacher, face impassive, lets his body shake with emotion as he realises how much they have all lost. The blonde kneels down in front of the grave, wiping the leaves away from the headstone. He pauses to read the inscription on it, a vague smile crossing his face as he does so.
May the sun shine on you;
And the moon also.
May you walk in green fields
And sleep by blue waters.
And until I next see you;
Remember this:
My love for you will last forever.
There are still sakura blossoms landing all around them, nature’s way of reminding the dead man-boy of who still mourns for him. Nearby, a bit of bright red fur clings to a bush, a sign of one of the grave’s frequent visitors. Birds chirp in the tree, voices amazingly reminiscent of that one special chakra trick he learned.
All in all, the secluded site is the best grave anyone could wish for, more so because of the love it is tended with. They say their prayers and blessings, kissing the headstone and headband and then regrouping by the tree.
As they walk away slowly, the pink haired woman runs her fingers over the old kunai, still stained a dark colour, despite the nervous caresses it constantly receives. The blonde nervously runs a hand over the pommel of the sword belted to his waist. He only uses it in battle, a sign that his partner has never truly left him. But even though it is used infrequently now in his duties as Hokage, he still has it always. He sleeps with it, and it isn’t far from him even when he’s bathing. As long as the sword is with him, so is Sasuke. Or so he says.
Uchiha Sasuke may be dead, but he’s not forgotten.
Privately, each thinks that they wouldn’t be able to forget him, even if they tried.
Not that they ever would.
It is as Kakashi said.
“Uchiha Sasuke was both the best and the worst thing to ever happen to this village.”
Besides, as long as they remembered him, he wasn’t gone. Not really.
The blonde smiled at the thought, and his infectious grin spread to the other two.
Sasuke was never really gone.
And he never would be.
There you are. The conclusion and end. This is my angsty shot at how things happen. Very glad it’s not true, because…well, quite frankly, I’m a Sasuke fangirl…hehehehe…killing him off is only acceptable if done properly. Hope you enjoyed. Feedback makes you awesome! Strive to be awesome!
Author: creepy_crawly
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Um, lessee...angst, yaoi, angst, character death, angst, a bit of cussing, and did i mention angst?
Disclaimer: Naruto and all related situations and characters are the property of Kishimoto-sensei. And I'm not him. Only things that belong to me are my little fanon and panon beliefs.
Never Really Gone is a story told in dialogue. To set it up…it’s sort of like someone is interviewing them on the subject, ok? The parts in quotes and the parts not in quotes are equally important. Sometimes, actions tell a story different from words. In this case, they enhance, because I’m too lazy to make them do more. But still, keep that in mind when noticing how vague this is, and also in how abused some pronouns are. Thanks.
Never Really Gone
“Uchiha Sasuke…yeah, of course I knew him. I was his teacher for years.” A sob escapes, the sound muffled by the dark cloth of the mask. A tear falls from his eye, trickling down the exposed face to be soaked up in the mask. The mask swallows much, from his sounds to his tears, and also his emotion. It leaves the man seeming cold and emotionless, much like the boy he mourns…
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“Sasuke-kun? Of course. I grew up with him, was one of his fangirls, was his teammate. Of course I knew him.” Tears begin to gather in the corners of her eyes, a display of crystal emotion that she allows. One hand runs nervously over the item in her lap, fingers dancing carefully along it, a show of practised anxiety. Her emotions dance a knife’s edge in the shape of her fingers dancing along the kunai…his kunai…
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“Sasuke-teme? Duh I knew him. How could I not? I was his teammate…and his best friend…when we were little…” the voice trails off as he thinks about whom he’s talking about. The bastard, the hated enemy, the teacher, the student, the beloved best friend. He turns away as tears begin to gather in the corners of his eyes, but he doesn’t wipe them away. That would be an insult to his memory…an insult that he hasn’t earned…
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“Uchiha Sasuke…you want to know about him?” the voice is calm, the one visible eye full of curiosity and scepticism. Nobody wants to know about him…they all think they know the story. It’s strange to see someone want to know about him.
“Well, let’s see. What could you really need to know? He was one of the ANBU in the end…not that they’ll admit it. Seem to think it’s a shameful thing, to connect the name ANBU with the name of Uchiha Sasuke. Really, they should be proud.” He looks down at the questioning person. “Uchiha Sasuke was the best and worst thing to ever happen to this village.”
A deep sigh is heaved.
“So…from the beginning…”
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“I met Sasuke-kun when I was, oh, I don’t know, young. He was the Uchiha heir and knew it, even young as we were. He had this attitude that said he was important…but he wasn’t arrogant. Ok, well, he was, but only enough to cover what he knew he could do…and after that, there was no arrogance. All he ever really had was pride in his own abilities…he knew he was good, but he didn’t go around bragging about it. He had this sort of…understated way of being larger than life. Strange, really.” She heaves a sigh.
“I don’t really remember much of where I met him, or how. All I really remember is that I did meet him. He had this energy, this attitude that made you notice him.” She chuckles dryly. “I used to think that would be his downfall when we were academy students, but by the time we were genin, I was clearly wrong. He was the most invisible person in the world when he wanted to be.”
She smiles sadly and a tear falls slowly down her cheek. “When we started training, I really fell for him. Not only was he good looking, but he had skill, too! He was strong, and smart, and had a pretty good idea what he was doing, even when he had no clue. I always thought that he’d end up Hokage or something, but he just wanted to avenge to deaths of his clan. I used to think it was a waste of such strength and future…” she laughs bitterly. “Now I see that it was what he wanted. A little too late, though,” she sighs. “A little too late.”
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“My understanding of him came a little too late, I guess,” the blonde says nervously. “I spent the first few years of my life being friends with him, and…well, after it happened, he changed. And suddenly, we were enemies. It was like, one day, wow, we’re friends, and then the next, he hates me and looks like he wants to kill me, and I have no clue what in hell is going on until Iruka tells me that Sasuke’s entire clan has been slaughtered by some guy. And from then on, Sasuke-teme lived to kill Itachi. Lived to kill him, and that was it.” He laughs bitterly. “Of course, towards the end, that did change.”
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“He changed from when he was little, around the time his older brother began to be really famous, I suppose,” the silver-haired nin says pensively. “Suddenly, any pride or confidence he had in his own skills was…gone…just like that,” he adds, waving a hand. “No more. It’s gone. Kaput. Dead. He still did really well, and he never really let on that he didn’t believe in himself. But…after being a nin for so long…you start to notice the little things, you know?”
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“I don’t think I really ever noticed how depressed he got after Itachi killed his family. He just…angsted. And, being a fangirl…I thought it made him more sexy.” She sighs for the follies of youth. “I…I wish I had noticed…” she whispers suddenly.
“I just wish I had noticed.”
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“I sorta noticed when he changed…I mean, how could I not? He hated me,” the blonde says sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “But…more than that…I saw…I dunno, something in his eyes…it was almost like there was nothing, and so I saw nothing, but in me seeing that nothing, it became something that screamed to be noticed…even if none of us ever did. I mean, that whole bit with Orochimaru should have warned somebody…anybody…but we never saw it…” his voice trails off in horror. “None of us ever saw it.”
Suddenly, bright blue eyes look up and catch the other’s with an intensity that was frightening.
“I should have seen it.”
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“Orochimaru? Yes, Naruto would remember that more than any of us,” the jounin says with a partial grin. “Well, my memories of it are nowhere near as clear as Naruto’s, but…let’s see…Sasuke wanted power…and I can certainly understand that. He’d lost his entire family…and then spent years blaming himself for being too weak.” He sighs. “I guess it’s really more my fault than anything. He thought he’d get power from Orochimaru. Maybe if I had been better, more focused on him, it wouldn’t have happened. By all rights, it shouldn’t have happened. But it did. And it’s my fault.”
“It’s my fault, really,” the girl says slowly, running a hand along the old kunai. “I kept oohing and aahing over him and how…how…how powerful he was,” she chokes through tears. “But instead of seeing how powerful we saw him as, all he…all…all…he saw…was…was his we…weaknesses…” she sobs, tears falling in a steady flow.
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“Power was his one and only weakness. He went to Orochimaru for more power. That’s the only reason he went. It broke Sakura’s heart that he left us. Hell, it broke Kakashi’s and my hearts! I…I don’t think the bastard really realised how much we cared for him…”
The blonde sighs. “It’s my fault he left. If I hadn’t kept pushing him and arguing and fighting and reminding him of the incident with his family, he’d never have left. To be true, I didn’t remind him on purpose, but I did remind him. So, really, it’s my fault.” Blue eyes droop, then turn and stare at the floor.
“It’s my fault he’s dead.”
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“I firmly believe he would have died with Orochimaru if Naruto hadn’t brought him back,” the man says firmly. “None of the rest of us could do it. Hell, Tsunade sent out the best hunter-nins in the entire region and no one, not a single one, could find him. Sasuke was always good at disappearing like that…I never knew why. Iruka thought that maybe he had been abused when he was younger, but…he was an Uchiha. No one spreads rumours about Uchihas.” The man laughs suddenly.
“But anyway, no one could find him. Then, one day, Naruto just disappears! Tsunade’s panicking and makes up some rumour about him being on a mission, just so she won’t have to declare him ukenin. Iruka’s crying his eyes out, because he’s got this note that says Naruto’s looking for Sasuke…he was crying because he A)” here he smirks wide enough that it’s visible, even beneath the mask, “his baby’s grown up and found himself a lover, and B) because his baby was taking on the biggest, baddest bastard this side of hell. But somehow…Naruto knew how to find Sasuke…even when no one else could…”
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“If Sasuke didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t be found,” the woman remembers. “The only person who found him when he wanted to stay hidden was Naruto…which is probably why he went after him.” She laughs bitterly. “By that point…I dunno…I think everyone was afraid to go after Sasuke. He was the second of their beloved Uchihas to go ukenin…and S-class ukenin at that…” she chuckles. “And suddenly, their ‘monster’ has disappeared, presumably to find the Uchiha. Kami-sama, but it was a mess.”
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“I don’t really know why I went to look for Sasuke,” the blonde says slowly, fingers twisting nervously in his lap. “I mean…by that point…I think I realised I had feelings for him in a more than friends way…but…it hadn’t really…clicked, you know? So suddenly I’m on this hare-brained scheme…the only kind I’m capable of…and I’m chasing after Uchiha Sasuke, and I suddenly realise…wait…I’m out here, risking my neck in front of a Sasuke possessed by the worst guy this side of Hell…and I won’t hurt him because…I want to jump his fucking bones…his effing bones!” his hands twist together sharply.
“And then…he managed to get free…”
They twist together again.
“And then we ran like hell.”
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“Just as Tsunade was fretting, because she was going to have to declare Naruto ukenin, it happened…” he grins, it once again visible despite his mask.
“I remember…Sakura and I were near the main gate that day…no clue why…but suddenly she yells, ‘kami-sama…it’s them!’ and freaks out. I look, and sure enough, there’s the little bastards, running like hell towards the main gate, Sasuke leaning on Naruto more than running, and Naruto grabbing his ass.” He laughs suddenly.
“Noticeably, Sasuke wasn’t complaining.”
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“They just came running out of the woods, just as we’re walking past the gate. I freaked out and started yelling, then raced toward them. Naruto looked exhausted…and so did Sasuke. Sasuke, actually, looked like hell. I did my best, but he wouldn’t let go of Naruto’s hand. Eventually, we managed to get both of them to the medical wing by having Naruto give Sasuke a piggyback ride. I saw them groping each other the whole time…but…for some odd reason…I didn’t really mind…”
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“When we got back, I thought Tsunade-baabaa was going to have a heart attack. First of all, she’d just two seconds previously declared me ukenin. Second of all, she had an ukenin in her hospital, looking much the worse for the wear. Third of all, we were there, making out in front of Sakura and everybody…” he chuckles at the memory. “Of course, then she had to deal with half a dozen minor nosebleeds…and a major one, in Sakura’s case…”
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“She eventually took me off the list, and Sasuke, too. But he took longer than I did. Every night until his name was cleared, I slept on the chair next to his bed. One night, he actually got out of bed and tucked me in with him. The guard’s faces the next morning were priceless…”
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“Having those two back was the best thing in the world, really. Iruka was right…Naruto had found someone he really loved, and who really loved him back. Plus, they were cute together…really cute…but that’s not the point. For a few days, Tsunade ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, getting Naruto off the ukenin list. It took a while, but eventually she got Sasuke off, too. Still, he was under house arrest for a while, and he wasn’t allowed to leave the village, either. But that wasn’t the only problem…”
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“His being back didn’t solve all the problems. The villagers suddenly hated him almost as much as they had hated Naruto. First of all, he was their Uchiha. And he had gone ukenin. And, to top it all off, he was suddenly making out with the MONSTER. Now there was NO hope of an Uchiha heir. They hated him. They did to Sasuke what they had done to Naruto, and worse. It was sickening,” she whispers around the lump in her throat, fingers running quickly down the kunai in her lap.
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“Looking back…there are so many things I should have noticed,” he says quietly, voice hoarse. “The missing kunai, the missing shuriken…the odd behaviour…but every time I’d start to ask, he’d kiss me. And kami-sama…” he chuckles, the sound dry, rough, and bitter. “When Sasuke was kissing you, everything slipped your mind…you forgot everything except his lips, and yours, and the fact that his lips were touching yours. And then, kami-sama, he was using his tongue. Maybe it’s a family technique or something, but I’m pretty sure Sasuke could give Kakashi a run for his money when it comes to turning people on.” He grins brightly, but it’s dimmed with remembered love that has tarnished with pain. “First of all, he’s got that sex-god body. Second of all…well…boy had skills…and by skills, I mean skills.”
“Sasuke had the talents that went with a body like that.”
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“Naruto and Sasuke were pretty much attached at the lip. If it ever went further than that…well…they didn’t do it in public,” the girl laughs. “Honestly, I can’t count the number of times Kakashi had to threaten to neuter one or the other to get them to stop making out.” Her eyes dim suddenly. “They looked so happy…so in love…I don’t think anyone expected that they were anything but happy…so we missed the signs…”
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“Oh, kami-sama, those two never stopped kissing. Naruto would show up to workout, neck covered in hickies. Then he’d get hot, halfway through, and strip of the jacket. And when he was in the tank, well…let’s just say you could see that Uchiha’s were thorough in everything they did, be it fighting or loving.” The man’s eye sparkles, then dims. “But…we never really saw Sasuke, because of the whole house arrest thing. And then, when we did…well, I just guessed that he was as covered by hickies as Naruto, only a little more circumspect about them. And then, when the scent of blood was noticeable…I just thought that, you know, they had a few kinks or something.” He sighs and buries his face in his hands so that when he next speaks, it is muffled.
“I missed a lot, I guess. I missed the little signs. The blood when there wasn’t any legitimate wound, the secretiveness, the inexplicable pain…I don’t see why I didn’t see it earlier.”
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“I don’t see why I didn’t see it earlier,” the pink haired girl sighs. “I’m supposedly trained to see things like that…but…I didn’t. Didn’t notice how despondent he was getting, how he snapped at people, his mood swings…hell, I didn’t even catch the fact that he said he had been scratched by a cat, but he and Naruto never owned a cat. I honestly don’t see how I could have missed it…but some how…I did…”
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The blonde stares at the floor, the crystal splashes on the floor the only sign of his emotion.
“I don’t want to talk about, ok?”
His voice is hoarse, rough and ragged.
He isn’t forced to talk.
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The girl swipes her hand across his eyes. “If it hadn’t been for Naruto, we’d never have known what he was doing. One afternoon, Naruto got off early from training and went to surprise Sasuke. He told the guard to go home, that he’d take over for a while. And he walked into the house, and the scent of blood was…”
“Everywhere. There was blood everywhere. It smelled like death in there,” the man remembers. “Naruto found him, bleeding from the arms and legs, and raced him to Tsunade and Sakura, leaving the mess to Iruka and me. It was…”
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“The most horrifying thing I had ever seen,” the blonde says darkly. “My lover lying on the floor, blood still pouring out, despite the fact that it already covered the room. I grabbed him and raced for Tsunade, not even bothering to remove the kunai in his hand.”
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“Naruto brought him to us, bleeding like crazy. Tsunade and I immediately rushed him into surgery, and went to work trying to replenish his blood and fix all the cuts. At that point, I don’t think he was really suicidal,” the girl says succinctly, pushing pink hair behind her ears.
“But he definitely wanted to do some damage. And what Sasuke wanted to succeed in, Sasuke succeeded in.”
Her bitter laugh is the only sound that can be heard for a few minutes.
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“None of us saw it coming, really,” the man says slowly. “I don’t think even Naruto noticed. But we should have realised that forcing Sasuke to fester in the reminder of all his quote unquote weaknesses would not be good for him. Funny how that slipped our minds.”
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“At that time, it was the scariest thing I had ever seen,” the blonde says, tears tracing over whiskers on his face. “But it wasn’t the scariest thing I ever saw.”
“Not by a long shot.”
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“We got him taken care of, and put him on full watch,” the girl says bitterly. “Somehow, we actually thought that would prevent him from doing anything. We should have known better,” she laughs even more bitterly.
“Sasuke never failed at getting what he wanted.”
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“I don’t think we realised what was about to happen. We realised that something was wrong with Sasuke, but, hell, we didn’t really realise how bad off he was. As far as we knew, we had taken all of his kunai and shuriken and anything he could hurt himself with. Hell, Sakura still has the kunai that he came into the hospital holding onto when he made that mistake.” He glares at the floor. “Naruto was with him, twenty four seven, holding him, talking to him, guarding him. Sasuke wasn’t given a second of privacy…Naruto even went to the bathroom with him, showered with him for kami’s sake!”
“But, of course, Sasuke always was good at subterfuge.”
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“I…I don’t know how he managed to pull it off…” the blonde says slowly.
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“It was supposed to be impossible!” the girl wails, tears now streaming down her face.
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“It…it couldn’t have happened…” the man says numbly.
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“But he did.”
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“Nothing was impossible to him.”
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“It happened.”
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The blonde stops, stares, blinks, and stares again.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he whispers, voice thick with tears as he stands up and leaves, slamming the door behind him.
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She chokes on her tears. “I…I can’t talk about this…I’m sorry…” she, too, runs out of the room crying.
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The first full emotion he has shown this entire time is now revealed. “I…I can’t do this. I’m sorry, but I can’t help you,” he whispers, voice numb as he stands up and leaves the room, all of his actions as numb as his voice.
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A body lays in the middle of the floor, blood still slowly leaking along the seal scrawled around it, obscuring the lines of flaking and dried blood with rich scarlet wetness. Fitting, really. The seal made of his own blood wiped out by his own blood, just like his kin were wiped out by his kin. Funny how life loves little ironies like that.
His eyes…his dark, beautiful eyes…are wide and staring, the light reflecting off of them coming from the light the blonde has let in with his discovery. His perfect lips, which have given them so much, from words to kisses, are arched in a small smile unseen for so long. His face is relaxed and as beautiful as ever. It’s almost possible to believe he is at peace now.
His hands arc out across the floor, partially covered in blood, much like everything else in the room. Still, they are relaxed like the rest of him. One lays on the sign for death, and the other on the sign for life. It is a sickening irony to the blonde observer.
His legs…his long, strong, perfect legs are relaxed. His toes lay on the sign for fire, one of very few that has yet to be obliterated by the blood. As soon as it is, the entire thing will go up in flame. The paralysed man knows he should obscure it now, should wipe it out with his hands and prevent the blood from igniting it, but for now, he can’t move.
Through his heart is the weapon of his destruction. It is the long, glittering, gorgeous katana that is his heritage as an Uchiha. They all had one, crafted for them as a birthing day gift. His is enamelled in black, with the blade carved a shimmering and deadly blue, like the dragon patterned on it, wrapping its way over the blade. The dragon’s head, flaring red flame, is buried in his chest as if though devouring his heart.
Uchiha Sasuke no longer cares, though.
He is dead. Dead by his own hand.
And his lover…his poor, mourning lover…is left in the doorway, mouth agape, tears falling as he stares at what is left of the one person he truly loved.
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They all meet at the grave. It’s several years old, marked only by a tablet made of black marble, and the small shrine. The pink haired girl, more woman than girl after all she has seen, clings to her old teacher and her friend, even as the fox-boy clings to them. Their teacher, face impassive, lets his body shake with emotion as he realises how much they have all lost. The blonde kneels down in front of the grave, wiping the leaves away from the headstone. He pauses to read the inscription on it, a vague smile crossing his face as he does so.
May the sun shine on you;
And the moon also.
May you walk in green fields
And sleep by blue waters.
And until I next see you;
Remember this:
My love for you will last forever.
There are still sakura blossoms landing all around them, nature’s way of reminding the dead man-boy of who still mourns for him. Nearby, a bit of bright red fur clings to a bush, a sign of one of the grave’s frequent visitors. Birds chirp in the tree, voices amazingly reminiscent of that one special chakra trick he learned.
All in all, the secluded site is the best grave anyone could wish for, more so because of the love it is tended with. They say their prayers and blessings, kissing the headstone and headband and then regrouping by the tree.
As they walk away slowly, the pink haired woman runs her fingers over the old kunai, still stained a dark colour, despite the nervous caresses it constantly receives. The blonde nervously runs a hand over the pommel of the sword belted to his waist. He only uses it in battle, a sign that his partner has never truly left him. But even though it is used infrequently now in his duties as Hokage, he still has it always. He sleeps with it, and it isn’t far from him even when he’s bathing. As long as the sword is with him, so is Sasuke. Or so he says.
Uchiha Sasuke may be dead, but he’s not forgotten.
Privately, each thinks that they wouldn’t be able to forget him, even if they tried.
Not that they ever would.
It is as Kakashi said.
“Uchiha Sasuke was both the best and the worst thing to ever happen to this village.”
Besides, as long as they remembered him, he wasn’t gone. Not really.
The blonde smiled at the thought, and his infectious grin spread to the other two.
Sasuke was never really gone.
And he never would be.
There you are. The conclusion and end. This is my angsty shot at how things happen. Very glad it’s not true, because…well, quite frankly, I’m a Sasuke fangirl…hehehehe…killing him off is only acceptable if done properly. Hope you enjoyed. Feedback makes you awesome! Strive to be awesome!