my 12 hours being homeless.
I have never been so happy to be sitting in my room, in front of my computer.
Be warned this is going to be a long note. And please spare me your “omg how can you be so stupid” comments because I don’t really need them right now.
Last night at around 10 I decided to go get milk at the depanneur, which is like one block away from my house, not even a full block.. so no hat or gloves since it was so close.. I didn’t even say anything to the people I was talking to on msn since it’d take me literally one minute to go there buy the milk and come back. When I got up the stairs again.. I found myself locked out, my mom was out for the whole night and not coming back until Sunday afternoon. At that point I realized my luck wasn’t great but I thought, thank god for giving a spare key to the upstairs neighbour.. who following in the steps of my luck wasn’t home. Which meant that I wasn’t able to get into my house at all in one of the coldest nights I’ve seen in my life. The only lucky break I caught was that since I was buying milk I had my wallet on me, no bus pass though. By this time it was closer to 10:30 and after being outside for so long I needed a warm place to think, so I went to the metro station which is two blocks away from my apartment. Once there I had to make a descicion on what to do, I have no cell and even if I did I wouldn’t have it with me, which meant I didn’t have anyone’s phone number or any way to get it. I had seen flyers saying Concordia was open 24 hours.. so I bought metro tickets and I headed there. Once again my luck failed me, Concordia closed at 11 pm and opened at 7am. The security guard was really nice though and offered to let me use the phone and all that. At that point I said, well it’s only 11.. and what the hell I’ll find a way to live through the night. This was probably my biggest mistake, I should’ve just called a friend and since I had my interact with me I could’ve taken a taxi to their house and that would’ve been the end of it.. but no I didn’t. I thought I could catch a late movie or something, but movies start at 10:30pm at the latest apparently.. at that point I realized I had nothing, not even a book on me to read during the night. I couldn’t afford to spend the night in a hotel and it was already too late to call people. I said, oh well and I went to this fast food joint to get some food at spend the time.. after a while of being there I decided to leave because there were to Latino gang members sitting right next to me. And no I am not saying they were in a gang because of how tattoos crawled up their arms all the way into the back of their shaved skulls, but because they were talking in Spanish and I could understand them. This was one of the worst moments of the night I had no idea what to do, then I remembered the second cup next to Concordia had some decent couches and maybe I could spend some time there. I made it there, and after getting a large hot chocolate I found my saviour, newspapers. I read every section, every article, every ad of all the newspapers they had. After that was done it was around 5am, so I needed to kill 2 more hours before Concordia opened and I could at least read a book or something. The I started talking with the Clerk who was my first sane interaction with a human being for the past at least 7 hours. After getting into Concordia I stayed there 2 more hours and at nine I had breakfast and got home at around 10, my neighbour was already home.. I got the key.. and the adventures of me and my 2 litres of milk were over.
The reason why I didn’t call anyone even when I truly felt desperate will seem really stupid to most of you, no not because “I can take care of myself” but because I thought.. people live like this, I wonder what’s this like.. I know I have a horribly bad combination of a curious mind, stupidity and fearlessness =S. So what do I think? I never want to be in a similar situation ever again in my life. It wasn’t physically hard since I managed to find a place to stay, it was psychologically incredibly hard. The stress and the range of feelings caused by all these events was so high, eventhough I knew that I would eventually be able to go into my house again... I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to not even have that hope. As most of you know I am not exactly well off and it’s not like I live in a bubble, but I never knew this was so hard on the mind. In the brief minutes in which I was on the street I got offered drugs twice, I had a conversation with a homeless guy at the second cup, he obviously had mental issues which at more than one point become obvious, but he was a very nice guy and he actually tried to help me, even though his situation was clearly worse than mine. I got stared down by some big shots and their trophy wives as they got some coffee at 2-3 am to sober up after drinking. And I realized I was being looked that way even though I was dressed like a normal person, I just looked distressed and obviously tried.. and was at a coffee shop at 2 am reading a 2 day old newspaper. Even some other students in the second cup looked away when I asked them for time. The only person who talked to me was the homeless guy and the clerk who after hearing my situation gave me a free cookie btw, really nice guy. I saw a French speaking construction worker bitch at him because he spoke French with a very thick English accent.
So in the end, what did I see? Who were the only people who actually gave money to a homeless person asking for money for food.. the Latino gang members. Not having a place to go, made this past night probably one of the worse nights in my life, and yeah it was stupid of me since I could’ve avoided it by calling someone, I know that, but it was also an eye opening experience. I just can’t describe it with words, all I know I will never go get milk late at night, ever.
Sorry if this seems not very coherent, it’s 10:45, I managed to get into my house around 20 minutes ago, after 12 hours of being “homeless” and obviously I haven’t slept since yesterday night. There so many more things I could add, and say.. I just don’t have the energy, and I don’t think anyone wants to read it anyways.
Again don’t give me your “OMG! YOU ARE STUPID” comments.. I had 12 hours to think about that. and yeah this note has grammar and spelling mistakes, I haven't slept in a bit over a day. But I wanted to write this raw, while it was still fresh and after waking up. Plus I probably wouldn't post it while being fully awake.
Be warned this is going to be a long note. And please spare me your “omg how can you be so stupid” comments because I don’t really need them right now.
Last night at around 10 I decided to go get milk at the depanneur, which is like one block away from my house, not even a full block.. so no hat or gloves since it was so close.. I didn’t even say anything to the people I was talking to on msn since it’d take me literally one minute to go there buy the milk and come back. When I got up the stairs again.. I found myself locked out, my mom was out for the whole night and not coming back until Sunday afternoon. At that point I realized my luck wasn’t great but I thought, thank god for giving a spare key to the upstairs neighbour.. who following in the steps of my luck wasn’t home. Which meant that I wasn’t able to get into my house at all in one of the coldest nights I’ve seen in my life. The only lucky break I caught was that since I was buying milk I had my wallet on me, no bus pass though. By this time it was closer to 10:30 and after being outside for so long I needed a warm place to think, so I went to the metro station which is two blocks away from my apartment. Once there I had to make a descicion on what to do, I have no cell and even if I did I wouldn’t have it with me, which meant I didn’t have anyone’s phone number or any way to get it. I had seen flyers saying Concordia was open 24 hours.. so I bought metro tickets and I headed there. Once again my luck failed me, Concordia closed at 11 pm and opened at 7am. The security guard was really nice though and offered to let me use the phone and all that. At that point I said, well it’s only 11.. and what the hell I’ll find a way to live through the night. This was probably my biggest mistake, I should’ve just called a friend and since I had my interact with me I could’ve taken a taxi to their house and that would’ve been the end of it.. but no I didn’t. I thought I could catch a late movie or something, but movies start at 10:30pm at the latest apparently.. at that point I realized I had nothing, not even a book on me to read during the night. I couldn’t afford to spend the night in a hotel and it was already too late to call people. I said, oh well and I went to this fast food joint to get some food at spend the time.. after a while of being there I decided to leave because there were to Latino gang members sitting right next to me. And no I am not saying they were in a gang because of how tattoos crawled up their arms all the way into the back of their shaved skulls, but because they were talking in Spanish and I could understand them. This was one of the worst moments of the night I had no idea what to do, then I remembered the second cup next to Concordia had some decent couches and maybe I could spend some time there. I made it there, and after getting a large hot chocolate I found my saviour, newspapers. I read every section, every article, every ad of all the newspapers they had. After that was done it was around 5am, so I needed to kill 2 more hours before Concordia opened and I could at least read a book or something. The I started talking with the Clerk who was my first sane interaction with a human being for the past at least 7 hours. After getting into Concordia I stayed there 2 more hours and at nine I had breakfast and got home at around 10, my neighbour was already home.. I got the key.. and the adventures of me and my 2 litres of milk were over.
The reason why I didn’t call anyone even when I truly felt desperate will seem really stupid to most of you, no not because “I can take care of myself” but because I thought.. people live like this, I wonder what’s this like.. I know I have a horribly bad combination of a curious mind, stupidity and fearlessness =S. So what do I think? I never want to be in a similar situation ever again in my life. It wasn’t physically hard since I managed to find a place to stay, it was psychologically incredibly hard. The stress and the range of feelings caused by all these events was so high, eventhough I knew that I would eventually be able to go into my house again... I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to not even have that hope. As most of you know I am not exactly well off and it’s not like I live in a bubble, but I never knew this was so hard on the mind. In the brief minutes in which I was on the street I got offered drugs twice, I had a conversation with a homeless guy at the second cup, he obviously had mental issues which at more than one point become obvious, but he was a very nice guy and he actually tried to help me, even though his situation was clearly worse than mine. I got stared down by some big shots and their trophy wives as they got some coffee at 2-3 am to sober up after drinking. And I realized I was being looked that way even though I was dressed like a normal person, I just looked distressed and obviously tried.. and was at a coffee shop at 2 am reading a 2 day old newspaper. Even some other students in the second cup looked away when I asked them for time. The only person who talked to me was the homeless guy and the clerk who after hearing my situation gave me a free cookie btw, really nice guy. I saw a French speaking construction worker bitch at him because he spoke French with a very thick English accent.
So in the end, what did I see? Who were the only people who actually gave money to a homeless person asking for money for food.. the Latino gang members. Not having a place to go, made this past night probably one of the worse nights in my life, and yeah it was stupid of me since I could’ve avoided it by calling someone, I know that, but it was also an eye opening experience. I just can’t describe it with words, all I know I will never go get milk late at night, ever.
Sorry if this seems not very coherent, it’s 10:45, I managed to get into my house around 20 minutes ago, after 12 hours of being “homeless” and obviously I haven’t slept since yesterday night. There so many more things I could add, and say.. I just don’t have the energy, and I don’t think anyone wants to read it anyways.
Again don’t give me your “OMG! YOU ARE STUPID” comments.. I had 12 hours to think about that. and yeah this note has grammar and spelling mistakes, I haven't slept in a bit over a day. But I wanted to write this raw, while it was still fresh and after waking up. Plus I probably wouldn't post it while being fully awake.