silly jokes to make some of you laugh :)
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of
Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me.
They are for him. He's my brother. He's four.
We saw on TV, that if you use these,
you would be able to swim and ride a bike.
He can't do either one."
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A visiting minister during the offertory prayer:
"Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his
upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."
He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little
girl (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to her
mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice,
"Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"
Church was pretty much over at that point...
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A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to throw a party and
invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in
the neighborhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was
having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting
with all the women.
At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10ft man-eating gator in my
pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in."
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone
turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in
the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the
gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo
Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were
screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the
top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody
was just staring at him in disbelief.
Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."
"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.
The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about
half a million bucks then?"
"No thanks. I don't want it," answered Leroy.
The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How
about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"
Again Leroy said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what do you want?"
Leroy said, "I want the name of the sumbitch who pushed me in the pool
Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me.
They are for him. He's my brother. He's four.
We saw on TV, that if you use these,
you would be able to swim and ride a bike.
He can't do either one."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A visiting minister during the offertory prayer:
"Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his
upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."
He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little
girl (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to her
mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice,
"Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"
Church was pretty much over at that point...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to throw a party and
invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in
the neighborhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was
having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting
with all the women.
At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10ft man-eating gator in my
pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in."
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone
turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in
the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the
gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo
Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were
screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the
top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody
was just staring at him in disbelief.
Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."
"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.
The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about
half a million bucks then?"
"No thanks. I don't want it," answered Leroy.
The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How
about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"
Again Leroy said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what do you want?"
Leroy said, "I want the name of the sumbitch who pushed me in the pool