Long Time Coming Chapter 12/25
Title: Long Time Coming
Genre: Angst/romance/drama
Pairings: Jared/Jensen, some Jared/Sandy
Warnings: Language, smut, hard drug use!
Disclaimer: Ye...yea...nope don't own them. I am not insinuating Chris and Steve are drug peddlers either, it is merely for this fic that they are supplying Jensen so I can create angsty situations which lead to manschmexin.
Rating: 15
Summary: Jensen can't handle being around Jared anymore, not when his feelings are so strong. So when hiatus starts and Jared notices Jensen drawing away and acting strange can he find out what's happening in time to save him?
A/N - Once again a heartfelt thank-you to realscape for being a brilliant beta
1~2~3~ 4~ 5~ 6~7~ 8~ 9~ 10~11~12~ 13~14~ 15~16~17~18~ 19~20~21~ 22~23~24~Epilogue~Soundtrack
“Jared…honey, are you coming to bed?”
Jared jerked backwards in surprise as he looked up from the phone he was holding, debating whether or not to try calling Jensen again. He hadn’t spoken to Jensen at all. It had been a week since he had watched him walk away without looking back; Jensen hadn’t been returning his calls, “Uh…yeah in a few minutes. I’m just…thinking about something.”
“Is it…Jensen?” Sandy asked hesitantly, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.
Jared didn’t reply for a few seconds, he just continued to stare at the phone in his hand, his thumb poised over the call button. He didn’t press it, “I found something out Sandy, something bad.”
Sandy stood still for a split second, and then seemed to reach a decision, as she ventured further into the room and sat down next to Jared on the sofa, “Whatever it is, you know Jensen would never do anything to hurt you, right?”
Jared snorted softly, “I know. It’s not me I’m worried about. He’s hurting himself Sandy. Really, badly hurting himself, and he won’t acknowledge it. It’s like he doesn’t even care.”
Sandy hesitated to ask, and that cut even deeper; she never used to hesitate, “What’s he done Jared?”
“He’s been…using…” Jared shook his head unable to form the word, afraid that if he said it, that it would make it real.
But Sandy’s eyes widened, and she drew back in shock, “Drugs? What drugs? Like…heroin…cocaine?”
Jared shook his head, then threw his hands up in despair, and croaked, “Yes, that as well probably. Fuck knows what he’s been doing. He hasn’t been talking to me!”
“I never pegged Jensen as the type of guy who’d fall into that sort of stuff,” Sandy sighed, watching closely as her boyfriend fell apart next to her. She had a definite suspicion now; Jared only got this invested in someone’s problem when he truly and deeply cared about them and the fact that he’d become even more morose after Jensen refused to talk to him gave her even more misgivings. The lack of connection she had felt with him lately only strengthened her suspicions.
“I’m gonna find out what he’s up to,” Jared suddenly spoke up, decisively. He stood up, eyes roving around the room, not able to settle on anything, worry clear in his stance.
“What do you mean?” Sandy asked, withholding the urge to reach out and comfort him, tell him everything was going to be alright. There was only one person who could do that.
“I need to know he’s alright. I’m gonna go to his house, see if he’s there,” Jared said, already moving in the direction of the door.
“Jared,” Sandy said softly, “Don’t you think if he wanted to talk, he would have returned your calls?”
“Yeah but, I dunno…I can’t leave him alone, not like this,” Jared looked so anguished Sandy wanted to hug him, and never let him go, but she had to, “He’s hurting himself Sandy.”
She nodded, and watched as Jared walked out of the front door, leaving her alone in the empty house.
~**~
Jared had only just turned the corner, his eyes immediately drawn to Jensen’s house, when the door opened suddenly, and Jensen himself backed out, locking the door quickly behind him.
Jared was debating whether or not to approach, when Jensen turned and waved at someone approaching from the opposite side of the road.
Jared stayed out of sight, feeling bad for spying, but needing to know what Jensen was doing, and watched as he greeted another man, hugging him tightly and grinning at him.
Jared’s stomach seemed to constrict at the sight of Jensen smiling and being happy with someone else. Which was ridiculous, Jensen could talk to whomever he wanted. But Jared couldn’t help the thought but I’m his best friend, why isn’t he talking to me? that slipped through his head.
He watched as Jensen and the mystery man continued to talk, and then Jensen was wrapping his hand around the back of the guy’s neck, and pulling him closer and closer, until he finally kissed him.
Jared watched in shock as the guy responded eagerly, pushing Jensen back against the brick wall, and exploring Jensen’s body with his hands.
Jared felt some red hot emotion welling up inside of him, as he watched in horrified fascination. The only thought running through his head was Jensen’s kissing a guy, Jensen’s kissing a guy…why does it feel like things have changed?
He didn’t care that Jensen was gay, he cared that Jensen hadn’t told him. And he couldn’t watch the show any longer. He stumbled out of his hiding place, walking determinedly up to where the guy was attempting to suck Jensen’s face off.
“Hey! Jensen!” He shouted, as he neared the two men.
Jensen’s eyes snapped open, and he pushed the guy away from him immediately, turning with wide eyes, and a nervous expression, in Jared’s direction.
“Jared, what…what are you doing here?” Jensen’s lips were red and swollen from the attack mystery man had made on them, and Jared felt his anger rising.
“What the hell man?! Just…what the hell?!” Jared continued to shout, stepping forward, right into Jensen’s personal space. The unknown man looked like he was going to interject, but Jared just turned towards him with a thunderous expression and snapped, “You better be out of here in five seconds, or so help me…”
Mystery man turned tail and walked quickly off down the road, trying to walk as fast as he could, without breaking into an obvious run.
“Jared…I…” Jensen trailed off, confused at the furious expression on Jared’s face.
“So, is this just another thing you conveniently forgot to tell me about you, Jensen? Is it?! You couldn’t tell your best friend that you’ve jumped full throttle out of the cupboard? When did this happen then? Round about the time you started using heroin, maybe?” Jared couldn’t stop yelling, couldn’t stop the rage from dribbling out of his mouth, couldn’t stop from making that hurt expression on Jensen’s face deepen.
“I thought…I couldn’t…” Jensen screwed up his eyes and shook his head, scratching idly at his arms, and Jared’s stomach flipped when he realised why Jensen was doing that.
“You couldn’t what Jensen?” Jared snapped his tone icy, “Couldn’t bring yourself to fucking talk to me? We’ve been friends for years now, man! I’m just…disappointed.” He didn’t add hurt, angry, bitter, jealous. He chose to ignore those particular emotions.
“Jared, I’m sorry okay? But I couldn’t…tell you these things, man. You’re a separate life to this one,” Jensen tried to explain, before realising that probably wasn’t helping matters, “No, that’s not what I meant…I…Jared…”
And, for the first time, Jared looked straight into Jensen’s eyes, without getting distracted by his anger, and for the first time he saw the fear, the pain and the…love? He decided he’d misread whatever emotion was residing there and blinked distractedly burying any thoughts on the matter.
“Jensen…” He breathed into the air between them, realising why Jensen was staring at him with fear in his eyes, “I don’t care about that,” he waved his arm vaguely in the direction that the man had stumbled off in, “I don’t care that you like guys Jensen.”
Jensen seemed to relax at that statement, his shoulders dropping as he breathed out, but he still looked small and vulnerable, and Jared’s heart felt like it was breaking for his friend, “I would have told you Jay…I would…but I had already not told you about…that, and I thought I’d keep all my dirty little secrets…well, a secret.”
Jared grabbed Jensen’s arm roughly, and then pulled him in for a bear hug, trying to convey to Jensen how much he meant to him, “Jensen, I would never judge you, you understand? Never!” He was surprised at how fierce his voice came out sounding, but Jensen seemed to be relaxing into the hug, and he continued, “I just care that you’re doing this to yourself.”
Jensen pulled away abruptly, wincing in pain, and Jared realised he had been gripped Jensen’s arm where his track marks were. Track marks…Jensen’s track marks. It seemed like such a surreal concept.
“So, nothing’s gonna change…now that you know I’m…gay,” Jensen still seemed too vulnerable and weak, and Jared bit his lip, before he blurted out something stupid.
“Of course not, I just…please Jensen, you need to get help or something, you can’t destroy yourself like this,” Jared begged him.
And, just like that, Jensen was withdrawing further into himself. His eyes becoming guarded and defensive, “Look Jared, I appreciate the concern, really I do, but just leave me alone, alright?”
Jared cocked an eyebrow, confused at the sudden change of demeanour, “No Jensen, you’re not getting away with it that easily. Fucking listen to me. Why are you being like this? Just...”
Jensen interrupted angrily, “Why do you care so much? I get it, I do, you’re my friend, whatever…but back the hell off!”
“Don’t tell me to back off Jensen, not when you’re doing this to yourself!”
“Why?” Jensen challenged him, stepping forward, their faces inches apart. He was breathing heavily with anger, mirroring Jared standing opposite him, and something flashed, burning deep in his eyes. Jared blinked, suddenly confused. Unsure exactly of what he’d seen there momentarily.
“Jensen…?” He said uncertainly, and he licked his lips, nervously watching, as Jensen traced the movement with his eyes.
“Jared,” Jensen breathed, his voice hoarse and husky, he leaned ever so slightly further forward, their faces mere centimetres apart, “I’m sorry if I hurt you, I didn’t want you to find out like this.”
Jared’s brain seemed to be swimming as he stared into Jensen’s eyes, the world dissolving around him, until all he could see was greengreengreen, and all he could hear was Jensen’s voice caressing his ears.
He had no idea what the feeling was that was making his heart beat faster, or his breath quicken. All he could think about was how close Jensen was to him. And that, right there, was what scared him out of any closer contact.
He pulled away abruptly, and blinked in confusion, as his surroundings rushed back into his consciousness. Jensen looked away quickly, his cheeks tinged pink, as he said, “Thanks for stopping by Jared. I’ll…see you around.”
Jared was even more perplexed now; Jensen was changing tact, and going through emotions faster than he could keep up with, “Jensen, just…promise me you’ll get help.”
Jensen just sniffed, looking somewhere vaguely over Jared’s right shoulder, “Yeah okay, Jay, I’ll get help.”
Jared wasn’t entirely sure whether Jensen was being serious, but his thoughts were still hazy from whatever the hell had just happened, “Jensen, I’m being serious. You’ve got to get over this. For you, for me, for freaking Kripke!”
Jensen bit his lip unconsciously, looking down at the ground, and Jared wondered whether he had heard him right when Jensen whispered, “I’m scared Jay.”
Then the moment was lost, and Jensen was looking up at him, eyes determined, “I didn’t mean for it to go this far…it was just to forg…umm…to have a bit of fun, you know. I’ll sort myself out, Jay. I’ll do it.”
And Jared wasn’t sure if he was imagining things again when Jensen added, “For you.” Whispering it quietly down into the crisp air.
‘Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters’
- Metallica ‘Nothing Else Matters’
- If anyone is interested in partaking in my SPN fanmix you can check it out and download it here
Please comment! I can't promise naked!Jensen on a plate but......*drools slightly*....sorry, got distracted there....um...yeah so feedback? =]
Next Chapter...
Genre: Angst/romance/drama
Pairings: Jared/Jensen, some Jared/Sandy
Warnings: Language, smut, hard drug use!
Disclaimer: Ye...yea...nope don't own them. I am not insinuating Chris and Steve are drug peddlers either, it is merely for this fic that they are supplying Jensen so I can create angsty situations which lead to manschmexin.
Rating: 15
Summary: Jensen can't handle being around Jared anymore, not when his feelings are so strong. So when hiatus starts and Jared notices Jensen drawing away and acting strange can he find out what's happening in time to save him?
A/N - Once again a heartfelt thank-you to realscape for being a brilliant beta
1~2~3~ 4~ 5~ 6~7~ 8~ 9~ 10~11~12~ 13~14~ 15~16~17~18~ 19~20~21~ 22~23~24~Epilogue~Soundtrack
“Jared…honey, are you coming to bed?”
Jared jerked backwards in surprise as he looked up from the phone he was holding, debating whether or not to try calling Jensen again. He hadn’t spoken to Jensen at all. It had been a week since he had watched him walk away without looking back; Jensen hadn’t been returning his calls, “Uh…yeah in a few minutes. I’m just…thinking about something.”
“Is it…Jensen?” Sandy asked hesitantly, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.
Jared didn’t reply for a few seconds, he just continued to stare at the phone in his hand, his thumb poised over the call button. He didn’t press it, “I found something out Sandy, something bad.”
Sandy stood still for a split second, and then seemed to reach a decision, as she ventured further into the room and sat down next to Jared on the sofa, “Whatever it is, you know Jensen would never do anything to hurt you, right?”
Jared snorted softly, “I know. It’s not me I’m worried about. He’s hurting himself Sandy. Really, badly hurting himself, and he won’t acknowledge it. It’s like he doesn’t even care.”
Sandy hesitated to ask, and that cut even deeper; she never used to hesitate, “What’s he done Jared?”
“He’s been…using…” Jared shook his head unable to form the word, afraid that if he said it, that it would make it real.
But Sandy’s eyes widened, and she drew back in shock, “Drugs? What drugs? Like…heroin…cocaine?”
Jared shook his head, then threw his hands up in despair, and croaked, “Yes, that as well probably. Fuck knows what he’s been doing. He hasn’t been talking to me!”
“I never pegged Jensen as the type of guy who’d fall into that sort of stuff,” Sandy sighed, watching closely as her boyfriend fell apart next to her. She had a definite suspicion now; Jared only got this invested in someone’s problem when he truly and deeply cared about them and the fact that he’d become even more morose after Jensen refused to talk to him gave her even more misgivings. The lack of connection she had felt with him lately only strengthened her suspicions.
“I’m gonna find out what he’s up to,” Jared suddenly spoke up, decisively. He stood up, eyes roving around the room, not able to settle on anything, worry clear in his stance.
“What do you mean?” Sandy asked, withholding the urge to reach out and comfort him, tell him everything was going to be alright. There was only one person who could do that.
“I need to know he’s alright. I’m gonna go to his house, see if he’s there,” Jared said, already moving in the direction of the door.
“Jared,” Sandy said softly, “Don’t you think if he wanted to talk, he would have returned your calls?”
“Yeah but, I dunno…I can’t leave him alone, not like this,” Jared looked so anguished Sandy wanted to hug him, and never let him go, but she had to, “He’s hurting himself Sandy.”
She nodded, and watched as Jared walked out of the front door, leaving her alone in the empty house.
~**~
Jared had only just turned the corner, his eyes immediately drawn to Jensen’s house, when the door opened suddenly, and Jensen himself backed out, locking the door quickly behind him.
Jared was debating whether or not to approach, when Jensen turned and waved at someone approaching from the opposite side of the road.
Jared stayed out of sight, feeling bad for spying, but needing to know what Jensen was doing, and watched as he greeted another man, hugging him tightly and grinning at him.
Jared’s stomach seemed to constrict at the sight of Jensen smiling and being happy with someone else. Which was ridiculous, Jensen could talk to whomever he wanted. But Jared couldn’t help the thought but I’m his best friend, why isn’t he talking to me? that slipped through his head.
He watched as Jensen and the mystery man continued to talk, and then Jensen was wrapping his hand around the back of the guy’s neck, and pulling him closer and closer, until he finally kissed him.
Jared watched in shock as the guy responded eagerly, pushing Jensen back against the brick wall, and exploring Jensen’s body with his hands.
Jared felt some red hot emotion welling up inside of him, as he watched in horrified fascination. The only thought running through his head was Jensen’s kissing a guy, Jensen’s kissing a guy…why does it feel like things have changed?
He didn’t care that Jensen was gay, he cared that Jensen hadn’t told him. And he couldn’t watch the show any longer. He stumbled out of his hiding place, walking determinedly up to where the guy was attempting to suck Jensen’s face off.
“Hey! Jensen!” He shouted, as he neared the two men.
Jensen’s eyes snapped open, and he pushed the guy away from him immediately, turning with wide eyes, and a nervous expression, in Jared’s direction.
“Jared, what…what are you doing here?” Jensen’s lips were red and swollen from the attack mystery man had made on them, and Jared felt his anger rising.
“What the hell man?! Just…what the hell?!” Jared continued to shout, stepping forward, right into Jensen’s personal space. The unknown man looked like he was going to interject, but Jared just turned towards him with a thunderous expression and snapped, “You better be out of here in five seconds, or so help me…”
Mystery man turned tail and walked quickly off down the road, trying to walk as fast as he could, without breaking into an obvious run.
“Jared…I…” Jensen trailed off, confused at the furious expression on Jared’s face.
“So, is this just another thing you conveniently forgot to tell me about you, Jensen? Is it?! You couldn’t tell your best friend that you’ve jumped full throttle out of the cupboard? When did this happen then? Round about the time you started using heroin, maybe?” Jared couldn’t stop yelling, couldn’t stop the rage from dribbling out of his mouth, couldn’t stop from making that hurt expression on Jensen’s face deepen.
“I thought…I couldn’t…” Jensen screwed up his eyes and shook his head, scratching idly at his arms, and Jared’s stomach flipped when he realised why Jensen was doing that.
“You couldn’t what Jensen?” Jared snapped his tone icy, “Couldn’t bring yourself to fucking talk to me? We’ve been friends for years now, man! I’m just…disappointed.” He didn’t add hurt, angry, bitter, jealous. He chose to ignore those particular emotions.
“Jared, I’m sorry okay? But I couldn’t…tell you these things, man. You’re a separate life to this one,” Jensen tried to explain, before realising that probably wasn’t helping matters, “No, that’s not what I meant…I…Jared…”
And, for the first time, Jared looked straight into Jensen’s eyes, without getting distracted by his anger, and for the first time he saw the fear, the pain and the…love? He decided he’d misread whatever emotion was residing there and blinked distractedly burying any thoughts on the matter.
“Jensen…” He breathed into the air between them, realising why Jensen was staring at him with fear in his eyes, “I don’t care about that,” he waved his arm vaguely in the direction that the man had stumbled off in, “I don’t care that you like guys Jensen.”
Jensen seemed to relax at that statement, his shoulders dropping as he breathed out, but he still looked small and vulnerable, and Jared’s heart felt like it was breaking for his friend, “I would have told you Jay…I would…but I had already not told you about…that, and I thought I’d keep all my dirty little secrets…well, a secret.”
Jared grabbed Jensen’s arm roughly, and then pulled him in for a bear hug, trying to convey to Jensen how much he meant to him, “Jensen, I would never judge you, you understand? Never!” He was surprised at how fierce his voice came out sounding, but Jensen seemed to be relaxing into the hug, and he continued, “I just care that you’re doing this to yourself.”
Jensen pulled away abruptly, wincing in pain, and Jared realised he had been gripped Jensen’s arm where his track marks were. Track marks…Jensen’s track marks. It seemed like such a surreal concept.
“So, nothing’s gonna change…now that you know I’m…gay,” Jensen still seemed too vulnerable and weak, and Jared bit his lip, before he blurted out something stupid.
“Of course not, I just…please Jensen, you need to get help or something, you can’t destroy yourself like this,” Jared begged him.
And, just like that, Jensen was withdrawing further into himself. His eyes becoming guarded and defensive, “Look Jared, I appreciate the concern, really I do, but just leave me alone, alright?”
Jared cocked an eyebrow, confused at the sudden change of demeanour, “No Jensen, you’re not getting away with it that easily. Fucking listen to me. Why are you being like this? Just...”
Jensen interrupted angrily, “Why do you care so much? I get it, I do, you’re my friend, whatever…but back the hell off!”
“Don’t tell me to back off Jensen, not when you’re doing this to yourself!”
“Why?” Jensen challenged him, stepping forward, their faces inches apart. He was breathing heavily with anger, mirroring Jared standing opposite him, and something flashed, burning deep in his eyes. Jared blinked, suddenly confused. Unsure exactly of what he’d seen there momentarily.
“Jensen…?” He said uncertainly, and he licked his lips, nervously watching, as Jensen traced the movement with his eyes.
“Jared,” Jensen breathed, his voice hoarse and husky, he leaned ever so slightly further forward, their faces mere centimetres apart, “I’m sorry if I hurt you, I didn’t want you to find out like this.”
Jared’s brain seemed to be swimming as he stared into Jensen’s eyes, the world dissolving around him, until all he could see was greengreengreen, and all he could hear was Jensen’s voice caressing his ears.
He had no idea what the feeling was that was making his heart beat faster, or his breath quicken. All he could think about was how close Jensen was to him. And that, right there, was what scared him out of any closer contact.
He pulled away abruptly, and blinked in confusion, as his surroundings rushed back into his consciousness. Jensen looked away quickly, his cheeks tinged pink, as he said, “Thanks for stopping by Jared. I’ll…see you around.”
Jared was even more perplexed now; Jensen was changing tact, and going through emotions faster than he could keep up with, “Jensen, just…promise me you’ll get help.”
Jensen just sniffed, looking somewhere vaguely over Jared’s right shoulder, “Yeah okay, Jay, I’ll get help.”
Jared wasn’t entirely sure whether Jensen was being serious, but his thoughts were still hazy from whatever the hell had just happened, “Jensen, I’m being serious. You’ve got to get over this. For you, for me, for freaking Kripke!”
Jensen bit his lip unconsciously, looking down at the ground, and Jared wondered whether he had heard him right when Jensen whispered, “I’m scared Jay.”
Then the moment was lost, and Jensen was looking up at him, eyes determined, “I didn’t mean for it to go this far…it was just to forg…umm…to have a bit of fun, you know. I’ll sort myself out, Jay. I’ll do it.”
And Jared wasn’t sure if he was imagining things again when Jensen added, “For you.” Whispering it quietly down into the crisp air.
‘Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters’
- Metallica ‘Nothing Else Matters’
- If anyone is interested in partaking in my SPN fanmix you can check it out and download it here
Please comment! I can't promise naked!Jensen on a plate but......*drools slightly*....sorry, got distracted there....um...yeah so feedback? =]
Next Chapter...