Title: How Jude Law Learned to Stop Being a Slut and Love Monogamy
Pairing: Jude Law/Robert Downey Jr
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~3,000
Summary: Written for
this prompt at
sherlockkink (this is a longer and tidier version of what I already posted there). Wherein Jude is a huge slut, Robert is jealous and Rachel attempts to help with bagels.
A/N: Huge thanks to
lastling and
oxymoronic for general elbowing during the gay bits of the film and other encouraging stuff. Also I do kinda pretend that Susan doesn't exist, jsyk.
The first time they met Robert had no idea what to expect; on screen, Jude Law came across as a professional, with a decent mix of Oscar-worthy films and fun action-packed films. But he’d seen the headlines, the way his name was often plastered all over the tabloids with details of his various affairs and illicit lovechildren.
The man who swept into the bar where he was sitting with Guy, however, was brimming with confidence and clearly felt no shame about his lifestyle.
“Robert, let me get you a drink,” were the first words Jude Law said to him, throwing him a beatific smile and then turning to shake hands with Guy.
Robert liked to pride himself on the fact that he was not a retiring man; he had a sordid past and he wasn’t afraid to talk about it. He was not cowed by people, especially poncy British men with blonde highlights, but it was around the time Guy had gone to the bathroom and Jude leaned over him to wave a hand at the bartender, simultaneously sliding a hand up Robert’s thigh accidentally-on-purpose that Robert decided Something Had To Be Done.
“I feel like I should make this clear,” the fact that his words were slightly slurred, most probably due to the several beers they had enjoyed, did not faze him one bit and did not make him sound ridiculous at all, “I don’t sleep,” he waved his hand in Jude’s direction, spilling drops of Stella onto his wrist, “with co-workers, Mr. Law.”
“Right,” Jude smiled knowingly and leaning towards Robert’s hand, which was still thrust out as if to ward him off. He flicked out his tongue to lick the drops of beer off of his wrist; “of course you don’t, I completely understand.”
Even after Guy had returned and conversation had resumed as normal, Robert could still feel the skin, wet and hot where Jude’s tongue had touched him.
#
They were celebrating the end of their first week of filming when it happened for the first time. It was nothing special, they’d just rented out a pub near to the set and were all relaxing and congratulating each other on jobs well done.
Jude was the life of the place; he spun graceful circles around everyone, patting someone’s arm here and slapping someone heartily on the back there. When he reached Robert he held out his glass, “a toast.”
“What to?” Robert asked, smiling tightly at him. This whole first week it had been as if that evening at the pub had never happened. Jude was being perfectly professional and friendly, but not to the point of flirting. It was excruciating.
“A great performance,” Jude replied, his voice low and his eyes fixed on Robert’s. The intensity of the stare made Robert think that just maybe Jude wasn’t talking about the film.
“Cheers,” Robert replied, willing his voice not to crack.
Jude grinned and clinked his glass, the moment gone as his tone returned to extreme joviality, “Yeah, cheers big ears.”
Then he had spun away to chat up some other poor unsuspecting slutty soul, leaving Robert to handle one of the stiff executive producers who would probably insist on discussing every element of Holmes’ character that Robert could think of.
The next time he saw Jude that evening he had his arm around one of the young, pretty crew techs and was leading her out of the pub.
#
It became something of a habit: at the end of every grueling week, that they all congregated at the nearest pub to whichever location they were at and celebrated each other’s excellent work and progress.
It also became something of a habit that the night would inevitably end with Jude, arm around blonde, brunette, redhead, tall, short (he didn’t seem to have a type), winking at Robert on his way out. Robert would watch as he leant over to whisper something hot and dirty into her ear that made her flush and smile with pleasure.
The habit continued with Robert downing his beer, slapping Guy on the back and wrestling his way through the crowd of cheerful, drunk members of the crew and cast to return to his empty hotel room and wonder why he felt so bitter.
#
Guy eventually started a list, somewhat akin to putting notches on a bedpost. “We have to keep track of who he’s shagged before there starts being trouble between the relations of the crew,” he would always say, but the glee he evidently found in embarrassing Jude made it obvious he just did it for fun.
The only problem was, Jude was never wholly embarrassed by his behavior. “What can I say, I’m a very sexual man,” he’d said to Robert between takes one day when two women and one man had walked past and winked at him, muttering various things like, “last Saturday was fun, we should do that again sometime.”
“Overtly sexual I would say,” Robert replied, still speaking in his Holmes accent, forgetting momentarily due to the waistcoat and hat that they weren’t actually filming.
“I could have sworn you were about to call me Watson,” Jude smirked, ducking a light blow that Robert aimed at his arm, “violence never solved anything Rubber Ducky Jr.”
Robert rolled his eyes and tried not to grin, but it was difficult when Jude was sitting next to him and not looking at the voluptuous blonde assistant walking past.
#
“Robert, stop pissing around will you, we need to get this scene shot in the next hour before it gets dark,” Guy snapped, one of the only times he’d reached that point in the two months they’d been filming.
Robert couldn’t blame him, they were already on take twelve for the first line of this scene and they’d only been filming for half an hour.
“Sorry, just, give me a moment,” he said and turned his back on Jude casually chatting to one of the PA’s, his hand resting on the other man’s hip. He could at least be subtle about it.
It took him a few minutes to break through the inexplicable haze of anger at the surface of his mind back to the clarity of his actor’s mindset, but remembering it at the end of the day over a steaming mug of coffee and a scone, he thought there was a green tint of jealousy to it.
#
The next morning saw Jude pulling up in his car, looking far more alive than someone who had probably been up all night doing various unspeakable things should look.
“You look cheery,” Jude said wryly, sitting down in the chair next to Robert and leaning over him to grab a mug off the table, “fill that up would you?”
Robert inhaled the smell of some citrusy shower wash and tried not to think about the smell Jude had been washing off. “You’re getting lazy.”
“Getting?” Jude quirked an eyebrow, “you clearly don’t know what I do all evening.”
“I can guess,” Robert said, without thinking, the bitter tone entering his voice without his meaning it to.
Jude gave him an odd look, “well if you’re thinking that I sit around in sweatpants watching Frasier reruns and eating Doritos, then you’re more psychic than I thought. And I didn’t think you were psychic at all.”
Robert laughed, a genuine one this time, and relaxed. When he didn’t think about Jude’s extracurricular activities he could enjoy himself much more, and he could forget how Jude had managed to crawl under his skin and set up camp in the vicinity of his brain that held the memory of Jude licking his wrist.
#
Rachel took him aside the next day and sat him down in the catering tent, grabbing a tray of bagels off the nearest table and forcing one into his hand.
“This has to stop, Robert, it’s affecting your acting and the film,” she said briskly.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Robert replied, without missing a beat. Rachel was young and confused.
“Your feelings for Jude.”
The bagel crumbled apart in Robert’s hands.
“Not everyone knows,” Rachel said, eyeing the crumbs dropping to the ground, “I just happen to be especially perceptive, and also Guy told me to make you guys stop being so oblivious because he was losing patience and the tension was making it hard for you to act heterosexually.”
Robert cleared his throat.
“You need to confront him,” Rachel continued, oblivious to the inner turmoil Robert was currently experiencing, “you need to go up to him, look into his eyes and…”
“…actually I, have to go,” Robert cut in, standing up and dropping the remainder of the bagel in the bin; “I don’t like onion bagels.”
#
It finally reached breaking point when Robert was walking to Jude’s trailer one day and just as he was about to knock on the door, it opened to reveal Kelly stepping out and smoothing down her skirt.
“Oh, Robert,” she looked up in surprise, “I…”
“I’ll inform Guy, shall I?” He said dryly, quirking an eyebrow, “what is it now? Twenty-one?”
“Actually it’s twenty-three, if you count the twins as two,” Jude’s voice came from behind Kelly and she smiled briefly at him and walked away.
“You’re going to end up ruining the relationships of everyone working on this set one day,” Robert said, attempting to keep his tone light and friendly. It backfired slightly, and he ended up speaking through clenched teeth, sounding slightly in pain. He followed Jude into his trailer and leant against the wall.
“I highly doubt that; did you ever think it’s not wholly Guy’s influence that makes this such a, what was it you called it? A ‘happy set’?” Jude said innocently, sitting down on his couch and propping his feet up on the coffee table.
“Right, that’s enough,” Robert said before he could even control the words coming out of his mouth.
Jude looked up in surprise, “what?”
“I mean,” Robert stepped forward and lowered himself so that he was straddling Jude, his knees perched on the couch outside of his legs, “that is enough. No more screwing around.”
Jude’s pupils had dilated and he was staring at Robert intently, “what if I don’t want to stop?”
Robert knew he was being coerced and manipulated into this, but by this point he didn’t care. He just wanted to wipe that incessant smug grin off the other man’s face, by any means possible, “well then I’ll have to make you.”
“Big words,” Jude breathed up at him, “you’re going to have to follow through.”
“You,” Robert whispered, his lips brushing against Jude’s, “are such a slut.”
“Well it’s about time you had your go then, don’t you think?” Jude replied and brought his hand up to cup the back of Robert’s head and pull him towards him, crushing their lips together.
And that was not how this was supposed to go. Robert was supposed to be the one controlling this, even if he hadn’t controlled the circumstances leading up to it. So he pulled away, batting Jude’s hands away from him, “no, bad Judesie, you’re going to follow my lead.”
Robert could have sworn Jude had inhaled sharply at that and he rolled his eyes. Of course the man would end up liking being told what to do.
Robert pinned Jude’s hands to the couch and settled his weight so that he couldn’t buck his hips or really move much at all, and then he lowered his head and pressed his lips to Jude’s, controlling the speed and movement of the kiss. He tilted his head, allowing the kiss to deepen, letting his tongue sweep past Jude’s lips and into his mouth, tasting mint and something that was probably Kelly. The thought that made him unconsciously grind his hips down against Jude’s in a somewhat possessive gesture.
Jude did not seem to mind this, judging by the way he moaned softly into Robert’s mouth.
Robert pulled away, savoring the whimper of protest that escaped Jude’s mouth and grinned wickedly down at him, “don’t worry, I’m just getting started.”
And he took his hands off of Jude’s and slid off of his lap, dropping to his knees on the floor and spreading Jude’s legs so that he was placed neatly between them. Jude groaned and let his head fall back against the cushions as he realized what Robert was doing.
Robert eyed the erection tenting Jude’s trousers and was intensely grateful that they had not yet changed into their costumes. It would otherwise be a lot harder to get his trousers off, as it was he merely undid the zip on Jude’s jeans and, as Jude helpfully lifted his hips up, he pulled them down.
“Huh, I always pictured you as a briefs kinda guy,” he said, eyeing the Simpsons boxers Jude was sporting.
Jude mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like, “laundry day,” and then complete nonsense as Robert mouthed at his cock through the material of his underwear.
Hands grappled uselessly at the back of Robert’s head, trying to clutch at his short hair and push him down at the same time. He did nothing to stop Jude, but would deny if accused that it was turning him on even more.
He pulled down the material of Jude’s boxers to reveal his cock, leaking precome and begging for attention that Robert was extremely willing to provide. He leaned forward and licked slowly from root to tip, eyes fluttering shut at the sharp jolts of pleasure that ran through him as Jude’s fingers tightened in his hair.
He curled one hand around the base of Jude’s cock, spreading the precome down the length and slid the other down his own body, to cup his cock, thrusting into his hand as he slid his mouth down onto Jude’s cock.
He let Jude set the rhythm, enjoying how demanding he was and the appreciative moans he was receiving. Jude lifted his head to the sight of Robert’s lips spread around the base of his cock, his eyelids heavy and half shut and his hand rubbing his cock through the material of his trousers.
It was a sight Jude had been waiting to see for a long time.
Robert’s eyes flicked open so he was staring up under his eyelashes into Jude’s eyes and at the same time he did something with his tongue that made Jude buck his hips up, driving his cock deeper into Robert’s mouth.
He pressed down on Robert’s head, waiting for him to come up again and pushed him down, making him pick up the pace, “come on, keep going, so close,” he was muttering nonsense, but then his fingers curled tighter into Robert’s hair and he panted out a warning, expecting Robert to draw off, not to merely suck one last time up the length of his cock and look straight into Jude’s eyes as he swallowed every drop of his come, memorizing the way Jude looked as he came.
Robert spared no time in crawling back onto Jude’s lap, pressing his hard cock against one of Jude’s hands and kissing him furiously, his tongue driving deep into Jude’s mouth as he thrust, once, twice and came with a groan in his pants.
Robert collapsed against Jude, panting against his neck and smiling at the sated expression on Jude’s face.
“I was wondering,” Jude mused out loud, “how many it would take before you cracked.”
“You were planning this since the beginning?” Robert asked in surprise.
“I’m not actually always such a huge slut,” Jude said, sounding mildly offended and Robert had to laugh.
“Excuse me if I find that difficult to believe,” he retorted, smirking at the look on Jude’s face.
“Yeah well, at least I help make the set a happy place to work.”
“Hey, I’m not the one licking people in public.”
“That turned you on,” Jude said, not even asking.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned you on too,” Robert muttered sulkily, “so how long do you think before Guy adds this one to the list?”
Jude chuckled, “I think Guy’s had this one on the list since we started filming, to be honest.”
~end.
# The rubber ducky jr refrence is from
this interview btw AKJLA;SLD