Comments | creature_girl08: That darn phone

creature_girl08

That darn phone

Nov 17, 2010 11:52

Ring, ring ( Read more... )

phones, lj idol, season seven, it's a trap

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Possible edits reborn_spirit November 17 2010, 20:16:17 UTC

"What is up?" Do you really say "What is up" or "What's up?"
I think about that phone once in a while and wonder where it ended up at. (Don't think you need the at.)
I promise your phone will still be there in an hour. I think you could finish your sentence at there.

HTH
Tif

Re: Possible edits creature_girl08 November 18 2010, 00:53:21 UTC

Thanks, fixing "what is up? to what's up does just sound better. At the time I wrote the sentance I did not think about that. And yes, I took the word at out of that one sentance.

Can you clarify what you ment here?

I promise your phone will still be there in an hour. I think you could finish your sentence at there.

Do you mean that where I ended it is fine?

Re: Possible edits reborn_spirit November 18 2010, 01:48:39 UTC

I mean remove "in an hour" and end the sentence at there.

Re: Possible edits reborn_spirit November 18 2010, 01:55:51 UTC

When you talk about getting your coffee made, you say, "better does that."
Also, another what is thing. Do you say "What is going on" or "what's going on?"
Other than that, I really think you did great with the transitions. They really added to your piece.

Re: Possible edits creature_girl08 November 18 2010, 07:26:29 UTC

Thanks again. I had to laugh at my awful slang in the part about going to make the coffee. Fixed that. I was just not getting what you meant about that last sentence. It finally clicked. I took out those last few words and it is much better. Cool! Appreciate the help. Updating the peice here in just a second.

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