RP logs (Miracles): Clu explodie
ooc: After this, and before this and this. Alan is legacyguardian, Clu is sys_operator, Tron and Xia referenced do not have journals, but are definitely present.
Tron was up and moving about. Not as fast or as energetically as he had before, but he was up and moving and almost back to normal; right now he was with Xia at the edge of the Sea. And that was all right by Clu. He could explode with all the questions he had at people who were not Tron, and thereby hopefully alleviate some of the damage.
“How did this happen?” he shouted. Hopefully not loud enough to carry to the Sea. “How could someone, a User, a...” He didn’t know what the User had looked like or been like, because, to be fair, Sam Flynn had stood up to Rinzler for longer than he would have expected and there was Tron’s programming to consider. But still. “Tron is the best fighter in the Grid. He has been fighting, and winning, for … for a thousand cycles! How did this happen? How did one User almost...”
Flynn raised his eyebrows briefly, but didn’t retreat at the shouting. He shot a glance at Alan, to … something, then faced the program as steady as he could. “There are two answers to that. The first one is fairly simple - surprise. Tron did not know what to expect, let alone that kind of violence right then. It was a time of peace and joy, and not many interrupt those, especially in here, where Tron’s acquired most of his experience.”
He sighed slightly, and went on. “And that is the other part of the answer. Out there, things are different. Here, there are rules, principles. Violence, even while I wasn’t in control, was regulated, controlled, contained. Mostly. Out there... things are simply unfair. There are some for whom there are no rules at all. No respect, no consideration. It’s referred to as fighting dirty. Including using a knife on a clearly unarmed person.”
Information was all he could give, now.
Alan... for the first time, Alan found himself empathizing with the program, which was a strange feeling. He had cooled towards Clu, from sullen anger to wary tolerance, rather quickly too with Flynn’s explanation. He never stayed mad for long, anyway. But this was different. Clu’s tirade reminded him of a few tirades of his own, after Flynn disappeared (and there was a kind of irony there he didn’t examine too closely), after Lora had gotten sick. Wanting the universe to make sense again, so that...
“It’s easier when there are rules, isn’t it?” Alan spoke up, startling maybe both of them. Certainly Clu hadn’t expected it, and looked over in surprise. “It’s easier to believe that there is some purpose to the suffering, or that if you do the right thing... work within the parameters, that a predictable and better result will occur.”
Clu blinked once, but nodded. He couldn’t argue; it would have been easier to understand if there were rules or if there was a sacrifice that needed to be made towards a goal, but this made no sense.
“He should have been able to fight back.” And by that he didn’t know if he meant that the User should have given him a chance to fight back, or that Tron should have fought back or been able to fight despite the pain and the blood loss. Which was ridiculous, he knew. User bodies were fragile.
Which reminded him, and now there was a hard, old-style look to his eyes. “What happened to them? To the Users who attacked him.”
Flynn sighed again, this time at Alan’s words, and reached a hand to his shoulder. “I tried.” He had, too, without leaving the world where things were, although in the end he’d failed both. And that circle of thoughts suggested he was getting tired. Not too tired yet, though.
And to Clu’s words, he gave a small nod. “He should have. In fact, none of it should have happened. You are right. But it is what happens, there, and now he is... will be well again. As to them...” There was a faint smile on Flynn’s lips. Predatory. “They were gone by the time we got there, but between Xia and Quorra, I know we’ll be able to locate them. And we’ll bring them to justice.” The smile turned more tired again. “That they don’t follow rules doesn’t mean that there aren’t rules that they should be following, rules that they will be held accountable against.” Rules that would not allow the retaliation to be a knife in their guts, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.
And no, Flynn would not permit any of them taking the retaliation in his or her own hands.
Clu’s nod was hard and jerky, and fortunately it caused him to miss the sharp look Alan gave Flynn. Long enough to determine that yes, Flynn was talking about getting them arrested and he hadn’t changed that much, nor when Alan wasn’t looking. All right, then.
And it did help to know that there were rules the Users should follow, too. That the people who did this to Tron, to his friend, weren’t going to get away with it. That there was a punishment for breaking the rules, or a consequence to taking that kind of action. “What …” No, he decided. He didn’t want to know how it worked, just that it did. His fascination with the User world was dulled considerably when all it brought him, tangibly, was confusing Users and pain to his oldest friend. He shook his head.
“They shouldn’t go back,” he said then. “Tron, Xia. I don’t want either of them going back.”
Alan, of all people, snorted quietly. Somehow he had the feeling that if Clu had said that to Tron directly, Clu would be on the receiving end of a very large piece of Tron’s mind.
No, Flynn hadn’t changed that much. One thing that his experiences had not made him was bloodthirsty. He just did not want done and go unpunished, but with due process. For the sake of the next time his friends were somewhere that those culprits operated, and for others who may be their victims in the future.
“I think that would be for them to decide.” But his tone was softer, eyes careful on the program. Trying to decide... something. “You don’t want them to go back out, or you don’t want them go back out where you can’t help?”
It seemed to him a fair question.
“I don’t want them to go back out,” he said immediately, but the next sentence, the second part of it...
If he went out with them, could he have helped? It wouldn’t have been the two women and Tron, it would have been two fighters, or at least two more used to fighting. Not that he hadn’t seen Quorra at work but she was trained by Flynn. And that meant a certain serenity. Not the kind of viciousness that Users apparently possessed on the outside. And Xia, she wasn’t a fighter. Not even in the way Quorra was.
Clu shook his head after a second. “Even if I could go out...” No, that wasn’t a guess he could make. “Xia...”
He didn’t know what he could have done if he had been with them, and that was the frightening thing. The thing that undid and unnerved him. If this User had taken Tron by surprised, the best fighter the Grid had to offer, what chance did he have? Admittedly the second best fighter the Grid had to offer, and even so. It shook him. He paced a little ways away and back again, fingers curling through his hair, not sure what to say or do.
“Maybe an extra set of eyes would have helped. I don’t know. I don’t want this happening again, Flynn.” And the look he gave his User, with identical eyes, was stern. Flynn was out now, it was his world, and Clu did not want this happening to his friends again. Whatever that meant. He’d go along with whatever that meant, and no, he didn’t mean to take that decision away from Tron, even if he didn’t want them to go out again. Even if that had been his first reflex. Taking decisions away from Tron was for before.
But he didn’t want this happening again.
“Wise.” Softly. He sighed, and straightened up a little.
“There is no guarantee that it won’t happen. Or some other bad thing won’t happen. We will take care of those who did it this time, and in general, in the longer term, hopefully the changes that the ISOs may introduce will decrease the motivation for such things... done on purpose by people. Users. But there is no guarantee. It was... one of the reasons why I created the Grid in the first place,” he made a gesture around them. “I wanted order and safety and perfection, because it is so very not so, outside. It is also why even when the ISOs changed my expectations of the system, I didn’t, I couldn’t let go of my initial goals. I didn’t do it in the best way possible, that is true, but...”
Maybe he would see it, now.
“But bad things and misfortunes and hurt are not all that happens, out there. There is beauty, and grace, and spontaneity, and nobility and heroism, and progress in ways that I couldn’t reproduce in here if I were to try for ten times a thousand cycles. There is... diversity, infinite. Creativity. Pain is the price we pay for it all. Or one of the prices.”
He could talk more, yes. Depending on which parts interested or helped Clu. But... “There are no guarantees. If you’re there, maybe next time nobody will attack. Maybe you’ll be able to protect them all, and they you. Maybe you’ll suggest a safer route, or a safer place. It’s not known. But you shouldn’t let fear rule your actions. Reason, yes. Fear... no.”
And then, as an aside to Alan. “Although that was definitely a kick in the ass that we need to find out what human medics can and cannot do for... at least Quorra.” He wasn’t going to take the decision from Tron and Xia, either. Nor Clu himself. But he was pretty certain what his long-time apprentice would say to the suggestion that she remain, in the future, in the safety of the Grid world.
Alan nodded slightly, a rueful twist to his mouth for a second. “We can find doctors who will … will keep quiet about whatever they find. It won’t be easy, but it wouldn’t be the hardest thing we’ve ever done.” He might even be able to draw on old connections from the group. They came from all walks of life, there had to be a doctor around there somewhere, or maybe someone who knew a doctor they could trust to keep secrets.
Clu wasn’t sure what to say. Or how to think of what Flynn was saying. He preferred order. A certain set of actions with predictable results, or at least a restricted set of surprise endings. It hadn’t been an issue until now. And he knew it was only an issue because Tron had been injured so severely. But that issue … no, he didn’t know what part of this was a real issue and what part of this was something that should be put into a box and left to die for lack of attention.
“Order...” he rasped. “Safety and protection. I can see why that might hold a certain appeal.”
Hands on his hips for a second, then dropping down to his sides. “I don’t know. That isn’t... It’s not my world out there. I haven’t seen any of that, this beauty, inspiration, whatever you say is good about it. All I know of your world is that you came from it, he,” one hand gesturing at Alan. “And Sam Flynn. And that my friend went out into your world and that was almost the last I saw of him. I didn’t... He is still here because I needed him.” He needed to impress that upon Flynn somehow, and he was still trying to avoid thinking of de-resolution. In terms of Tron, at least. He had kept Tron, even as Rinzler, because he needed him. And going out into the Users world had almost killed him.
He didn’t know how to deal with that. With the threat or fear of loss. He didn’t know how to cope with the reality of that, even though Tron and the girls went out every now and again pretty constantly, even if only for short periods of time. Tron and Xia, anyway.
Something had to give. Even if only in little ways; he was winding too tight to do anything else.
“That is a good reason to be anywhere,” Flynn said first. Because a friend needed him.
In fact, other than the current emergency, or rather, recent emergency, Flynn himself came back to the Grid mostly because.... at least he thought that Clu needed him. But he wasn’t going to bring that up, right now.
He’d nodded at Alan, about the doctors, it was something to keep in mind that they did need to work on. This time, they were close enough that they could do things this way. Whenever the next time came, and it would likely not come with ha warning tag, they might not be this lucky. So they had to know.
But Clu... Clu.
Not that long ago, Clu had been ready to do anything whatsoever in order to get out in that world. And now he knew otherwise. Swung the opposite way, almost, although with what had just happened, Flynn could relate to it. A little. No, he was getting the can’t-cope aspect of the reaction, loud and clear, in fact. But he didn’t know fully how to help him with that. So he caught, feebly, for a tangent.
“You do know some of the inspiration, in the music that you listened to. And that is only one aspect of things, moderately intricate. But...” He shrugged a little, then stepped closer, hand on Clu’s shoulder. Whatever else was true about the coping, the program wasn’t alone and wasn’t going to be. Not truly. “I haven’t... actually asked Tron why he’s kept on coming out, but it’s a place of faster learning, of immersion in a kind of place that information is transmitted on too many levels to consciously interpret all of it at the time it’s happening, but often needs to be reflected upon.” Small frown. “In fact, even before we found you, Tron and Xia spent more time in here than any of the rest of us. Not as much as since, they definitely do enjoy your company - and do honor your need, and their own - but you haven’t trapped them here, nor has the outside world been their undisputed preference before.”
As any of them, Tron was complicated and layered, and fascinating, and Xia... well. Even more so.
“But your need for him is not the only thing that binds you, you know. He needs you, too.”
True. If, in fact, Flynn didn’t know if it would help at all some of the aspects of how hard this was hitting Clu.
Clu … twitched. A bit at that, first a twitch and then a full-body shudder, more obvious in the tight suit with the lights running along his body. Tron, needing him, that wasn’t something he visited too often. It wasn’t something anyone had said in a long, long time.
“Tron...” No, he didn’t say it. But part of him, the part that well remembered everything he had done to him, that still thought of it, and the way he and Tron had talked after, wondered if Tron did need him. “I don’t know what that means. If he needs me, I don’t know where those pieces fit. I don’t... believe. As easily as I used to.” In Flynn. In whatever in him Tron might need, in what they were doing. It didn’t feel like it came as easily as it had before.
It was there, of course. The belief was there, the faith too. He dug down deep and he thought he had found it, but every now and again someone said something that made him wonder. What was there. And there were other times, although this was by far the worst, when he realized how much of what he was was bound up in faith and belief in other people. In Tron. Flynn. It was hard to fathom, being what he was. So very complex. He wasn’t a User, he shouldn’t have to operate the way Users did. But he couldn’t deny that when he found out what happened, that he didn’t feel like the gravity had been flipped again without him prepared, sending him crashing.
Which tripped him back to Flynn’s earlier words, and he chuckled slight and tired. “I can’t imagine a place where information... could go faster than this.” Could be more overwhelming.
He shook his head. “He almost died. That is... not something that’s happened before. Not where... I couldn’t control it.” That was implication enough, he didn’t want to go into more detail about what happened. But before, when Tron had been under threat, when he had turned him into Rinzler and pitted him against everyone and everything the Grid had had to offer, he knew it would be all right. And he had no such assurances here, when Tron was in the outside world. “Whatever inspirations, information, whatever he finds out there... I hope it’s worth it. If it’s worth it, then...” He didn’t know. If it was worth it to Tron, then it was worth it. But he didn’t know how close that was to any kind of compensation, if his friend had... died.
Flynn sighed slightly. The upset, confusion, pain were roiling off Clu in waves - his face, his body, his voice, his words. Flynn hovered a moment longer, and then stepped in, wrapping his arm around the program’s shoulders. Not fully tugging him for the hug he wanted to give, yet. But holding. Definitely offering the embrace, just not pressing it on Clu.
“Information-wise,” he started slowly, “nothing I have done can measure up with the outside world. But maybe you’ll get more information from others about that, when you’re up to asking.” The rest...
“Maybe if you get yourself to release some of the control, things will align themselves better. Maybe the pieces you are looking for shouldn’t be sought out, but you need to let them come back to you. In their own order, the way they fit and match. Close your eyes and ease your mind.” Faint liptwitch. “Not necessarily immediately, it’s difficult to let that happen when upset, but eventually. Things don’t fit in neat little holes - a square peg into a square opening, a round one into a circle... That doesn’t mean that what you’ve got is deficient, even if you find yourself with more pegs than holes,” and no, he didn’t realize he’d switched to a children’s toys metaphor which was unlikely to be too easily understandable to Clu, it just came to him easiest, “and then you get different solutions.”
And, almost tiredly, “it’s not how things were developed here on the Grid, but out there it’s a fact of existence that everybody dies. Finally and completely. I will, Alan will. The way my wife did. Whether or not it’s worth it... We make of the time we have the best we can. That makes it worth it, for some.” And yes, it hurt enough to mention Jordan’s passing, bringing up Lora would have been worse, right now. “We’re not sure if that applies to those who’ve began here on the Grid. Natural death may not be the case for you, either here or outside. Other causes... are open in both places. All of that leading to this point - Tron will decide if it has been, and even more importantly, if it will in the future be worth it, going out. And if he does,” his eyes flicked to Alan, but then steadied back over on the program, “and you wish to, you can give it a try to see and judge for yourself.”
So maybe it wasn’t the best course of action to give Clu yet more things to need to process... but on the other hand, it was context for some of those questions. Or at least Flynn saw it as such.
“When he’s up to talking about it...” Clu nodded, and then the words caught up to his processing speed of the moment and he blinked at Flynn. “You mean, me, on the outside.”
On the face of it, a practical thing to suggest. He did want to know what Tron was experiencing on the outside, and he did want to know what it was his friend was getting from there. And otherwise, it sounded like a terrible idea. Considering all that he had done and all that he wanted to do.
“Are you sure that’s wise?”
“Yes, that is what I mean, and... Mmm.” Was it wise? Per se, probably not. Although... “At this point, it is probably wiser than leaving you here on your own if they opt to come back out.” Which may be a bit blunt, but it was true on all levels. It may be safer for Tron and Xia if Clu was with them. It was likely going to do Clu good, to learn... to see for himself, rather than keep on trying to figure things out second-hand. And if they did come out and he was kept inside, they would be back to resentment, justifiable, too, against decisions taken away from Clu. Brewing darker again, as time passed faster in here than for those outside.
So maybe it wasn’t wise as such. But it was wiser to at least have the offer open to him than not. That much, Flynn could decide, from past experiences. And very recent ones, too. Lessons learned.
He smiled faintly, arm tightening around Clu’s shoulders, the exact same width as his had been and firm under his hold. “You don’t have to decide right now, you realize. Just keep in mind the possibility. For decision or discussion.”
Clu nodded slightly, still trying to work through the ramifications of that offer. Along with everything else. “They shouldn’t go out for at least … at least another day or two. Tron’s up and walking around but …” He didn’t know how quickly the other program would recover. How soon it would be before Tron was back to full strength, it seemed like it was easier for Users to tell these things. He leaned into Flynn a bit, one hand scrubbing over his face.
“I’ll discuss it with them.” It came out automatically, but as he said it he realized how good it might be to talk it over with Tron. They had always worked best, by both his and Flynn’s standards, when they had worked together. And when he had struck out on his own he had viewed the loss of efficiency as acceptable, and it hadn’t been that much anyway with Rinzler there, but now there was no reason to go without. So, yes. Talking it over with Tron, and Xia might be able to help. He was much more willing to allow as other people might be able to help now than he had been; it seemed easier to understand, to believe.
He nodded, solidifying that in his mind. “I’ll talk to Tron. About... going outside. Him and me. I don’t like it, but …”
But it would be easier. If he was able to watch Tron’s back. If he had the necessary and sufficient data to understand and make plans for what might happen. Contingency plans.
He looked over at Flynn. “Thank you.” For trusting him. For explaining. And taking this leap. They had gone, and he hadn’t thought about it until things started settling into place, but they had gone from stop Clu from escaping at all costs to think about coming out and seeing what we see without any steps in between, or any steps jointly and deliberately taken, anyway. Flynn had never given any hint that this was on the table, and he hadn’t asked. Not with everything.
But he was grateful that it came up now, even if he wasn’t so happy about the circumstances.
And now Flynn wrapped his arms around Clu in a full hug, steady and kind. “You’re welcome,” gentle voice.
He also smiled slightly. “No, they probably shouldn’t. I don’t think either of them is rushing, either, which means,” and that was a good thing, too, “that you’re thinking along the same lines already. The talk will probably be productive. And it is the best way to go.” He looked over at Alan, the smile slightly wry. “None of us need to figure what happens next alone. My recent example at taking over fixing Tron notwithstanding.” He’d done that because he knew it was the kind of damage, structural but not ideological, that he could fix the fastest. So he had. If Alan minded... well, he would have told him, he trusted.
And this... this was something that Flynn hadn’t thought would come this soon. He’d hoped that it would be possible, on account of, among other things, not isolating Clu, who was the only one... other than Xia’s people, and he thought she’d tell him if they had thoughts this way, who wandered around the Gridworld but not outside. It wasn’t fair, in its way, if Clu was changed, to punish him this way.
Clu had changed, too. Even the way he took this, right now, was sign enough. The hunger for something to conquer was not there - instead, there was caution, and curiosity, and acceptance. It was not for a good reason - because even if the greater disaster was averted, any one of them getting hurt was a bad thing - but perhaps the timing was right indeed. Before the issue had time to chafe. And they did have a reason, unpredictable as it was.
Slowly, Flynn smiled even more. “And it might be a good thing to have you out there. Not merely for Tron’s sake.”
He meant it, too. He knew that some of the looks Alan gave them were because it was strange, but... a long time ago, Tron and Clu had been his friends, too, in this place he’d once upon a time thought weird himself. Narcissism aside, he did like their company, too.
It took Clu barely a second to hug back, tight and clinging. Fingers digging into Flynn’s shoulders for a second and then easing up as he realized that might be painful for the User. He didn’t want to hurt anyone. He wanted it to be fixed, he wanted everything to be ordered and calm again, and it wasn’t happening.
Alan watched the whole process with some bemusement and confusion, but he did trust that Flynn knew what he was doing. And while it was possible that Clu was playing them, he thought that the recent events with Tron’s injury had shook him up enough to impress upon him the seriousness of what was going on. Beyond that, even, he could see the changes that had come about even with what little he saw of Clu. He imagined Flynn could see and hear more.
He shook his head, chuckling slightly at that example, or counter-example. “That was less a matter of alone and more a matter of you knowing what you were doing more recently than I,” he pointed out softly.
Clu snorted slightly, didn’t say anything for a bit. He had no doubt that either User was capable of fixing Tron, but he did feel better that Flynn did it. Even if Alan was technically Tron’s user. Flynn had worked beside them for cycles.
And he wasn’t sure what Flynn meant about it being good to have him out there in the User world. It was hard to see anything good about the User world from this standpoint, easier to remember when his idea had seemed like a good one. Rectify. Everything. The gridbugs in here, the senseless destruction Users perpetrated on each other in the User world. There were other things, he had to keep in mind. There was the music. There were Users like Sam Flynn and Alan Bradley. Xia talked sometimes of the sunrises, and weather. There were good things. He should remember that.
He should remember that, indeed. Flynn had no doubt that when he got outside, he’d find some of those difficult to forget, or miss.
For now, he hugged steady and tight, and didn’t show any sign that the clasp hurt. Because in a way, it didn’t. In that way, it was a tiny little sign that let him know that Clu was accepting him just that bit more.
And since when are you drowning so as to need to clutch at straws?
Curious question, that. He’d look at it closer, later.
For now, he looked over at Alan and nodded, accepting. The retroactive approval was welcome, in fact; he had again acted ahead of himself. And here he’d decided to forgo that kind of thing.
“We’ll all work it out, but yeah, you guys talk it through first, there’s no rush to any of this.” He smiled, a trifle wearily. It wasn’t a time-window kind of an opportunity for Clu - if he missed this, he wouldn’t get it. It was just what it was. A chance to learn more. After all, while there was an infinite set of possibilities on what to do in the Gridworld, for Clu the opportunities to learn were somewhat limited, after all this time, and possibly not to be fully pushed into for now. Not that Flynn really thought Clu would cause damage to the remaining ISOs... but there was no cause to force him into learning about them yet, not before the program was ready.
Transitions periods were... difficult for everybody.
This was now, and here, and so was he. In case there were more questions. Or even more anger. Or anything that he could at least try to help with. He’d made mistakes in the past; some, he truly didn’t want to repeat.
Another nod. No rushing, that was good. Not having a solid timetable for something like this. After all the surprises he’d had in the last cycle or so, he wasn’t sure what a good timetable for anything but the simplest of constructions was, or if he should bother trying to formulate one.
“You should go,” he murmured after a moment or two, trying to think if there was anything else he wanted to discuss. Most of this, he didn’t want to discuss. He didn’t want to think about it, about what had happened, about the repairs, about the implications laced all through the conversations from the once-longed-for possibility of travel to the outside world to the one lurking in the back of his processes, that one day no matter how much anyone tried Flynn would be gone, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. “I’m … we’ll keep an eye on him. There’s not much …” Not much for them to do here.
“I don’t think we have to,” Alan hedge, but he’d leave it to Flynn to make the final decision. Still, it wasn’t as though they were losing hours and hours on the outside. Quorra was keeping watch, and if Flynn wanted to stay here with Clu, hell, even he could go out and give them a report and Flynn could stay here. If he wanted. “I mean, it’s up to you guys.”
Whereupon Clu leaned back a bit to give Alan, then Flynn a quizzical look.
Flynn gave a crooked smile, first at Clu and then at Alan. “In a bit,” he murmured. “Done with the hit-and-run, a long time ago.” His arm tightened around Clu for a moment, without pulling him closer, per se. “If you want, go and check on him, and we’ll be here for a bit, in case there’s a problem, not that I think there will be, but just so nobody worries.” It made sense to him, at least. Tron was up and about, if there was anything that he’d missed somehow - after all, knife stabbings were not something anybody in here had dealt with - it would show up, and, yeah.
“But we’ll go, in a bit. Just not run away on you, any of you.”
He’d let go whenever Clu pulled back, but not sooner.
Clu nodded. But it took him a while to let go.
“I’ll make sure he’s doing all right,” he muttered, when he did let go, and stepped away in the direction the other two had gone.
Alan looked over at Flynn. “You know, we could probably rest here before we go on out. I can go send out a message, if you want, let people know? But …” He gave a rueful grin, that suggested he was trying to come up with a diplomatic way to suggest Flynn looked like crap. “Sam’s made his little nest down here, we might as well take advantage of it.”
That ‘little nest’ really wasn’t much, any longer. After the first session rebuilding Clu (and Alan kind of wished they’d thought of it while rebuilding Tron) it had turned into a campground version of the house, with beds enough for at least four, five people, some of them big enough for doubling up. Right now, it might be very tempting.
Tron was up and moving about. Not as fast or as energetically as he had before, but he was up and moving and almost back to normal; right now he was with Xia at the edge of the Sea. And that was all right by Clu. He could explode with all the questions he had at people who were not Tron, and thereby hopefully alleviate some of the damage.
“How did this happen?” he shouted. Hopefully not loud enough to carry to the Sea. “How could someone, a User, a...” He didn’t know what the User had looked like or been like, because, to be fair, Sam Flynn had stood up to Rinzler for longer than he would have expected and there was Tron’s programming to consider. But still. “Tron is the best fighter in the Grid. He has been fighting, and winning, for … for a thousand cycles! How did this happen? How did one User almost...”
Flynn raised his eyebrows briefly, but didn’t retreat at the shouting. He shot a glance at Alan, to … something, then faced the program as steady as he could. “There are two answers to that. The first one is fairly simple - surprise. Tron did not know what to expect, let alone that kind of violence right then. It was a time of peace and joy, and not many interrupt those, especially in here, where Tron’s acquired most of his experience.”
He sighed slightly, and went on. “And that is the other part of the answer. Out there, things are different. Here, there are rules, principles. Violence, even while I wasn’t in control, was regulated, controlled, contained. Mostly. Out there... things are simply unfair. There are some for whom there are no rules at all. No respect, no consideration. It’s referred to as fighting dirty. Including using a knife on a clearly unarmed person.”
Information was all he could give, now.
Alan... for the first time, Alan found himself empathizing with the program, which was a strange feeling. He had cooled towards Clu, from sullen anger to wary tolerance, rather quickly too with Flynn’s explanation. He never stayed mad for long, anyway. But this was different. Clu’s tirade reminded him of a few tirades of his own, after Flynn disappeared (and there was a kind of irony there he didn’t examine too closely), after Lora had gotten sick. Wanting the universe to make sense again, so that...
“It’s easier when there are rules, isn’t it?” Alan spoke up, startling maybe both of them. Certainly Clu hadn’t expected it, and looked over in surprise. “It’s easier to believe that there is some purpose to the suffering, or that if you do the right thing... work within the parameters, that a predictable and better result will occur.”
Clu blinked once, but nodded. He couldn’t argue; it would have been easier to understand if there were rules or if there was a sacrifice that needed to be made towards a goal, but this made no sense.
“He should have been able to fight back.” And by that he didn’t know if he meant that the User should have given him a chance to fight back, or that Tron should have fought back or been able to fight despite the pain and the blood loss. Which was ridiculous, he knew. User bodies were fragile.
Which reminded him, and now there was a hard, old-style look to his eyes. “What happened to them? To the Users who attacked him.”
Flynn sighed again, this time at Alan’s words, and reached a hand to his shoulder. “I tried.” He had, too, without leaving the world where things were, although in the end he’d failed both. And that circle of thoughts suggested he was getting tired. Not too tired yet, though.
And to Clu’s words, he gave a small nod. “He should have. In fact, none of it should have happened. You are right. But it is what happens, there, and now he is... will be well again. As to them...” There was a faint smile on Flynn’s lips. Predatory. “They were gone by the time we got there, but between Xia and Quorra, I know we’ll be able to locate them. And we’ll bring them to justice.” The smile turned more tired again. “That they don’t follow rules doesn’t mean that there aren’t rules that they should be following, rules that they will be held accountable against.” Rules that would not allow the retaliation to be a knife in their guts, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.
And no, Flynn would not permit any of them taking the retaliation in his or her own hands.
Clu’s nod was hard and jerky, and fortunately it caused him to miss the sharp look Alan gave Flynn. Long enough to determine that yes, Flynn was talking about getting them arrested and he hadn’t changed that much, nor when Alan wasn’t looking. All right, then.
And it did help to know that there were rules the Users should follow, too. That the people who did this to Tron, to his friend, weren’t going to get away with it. That there was a punishment for breaking the rules, or a consequence to taking that kind of action. “What …” No, he decided. He didn’t want to know how it worked, just that it did. His fascination with the User world was dulled considerably when all it brought him, tangibly, was confusing Users and pain to his oldest friend. He shook his head.
“They shouldn’t go back,” he said then. “Tron, Xia. I don’t want either of them going back.”
Alan, of all people, snorted quietly. Somehow he had the feeling that if Clu had said that to Tron directly, Clu would be on the receiving end of a very large piece of Tron’s mind.
No, Flynn hadn’t changed that much. One thing that his experiences had not made him was bloodthirsty. He just did not want done and go unpunished, but with due process. For the sake of the next time his friends were somewhere that those culprits operated, and for others who may be their victims in the future.
“I think that would be for them to decide.” But his tone was softer, eyes careful on the program. Trying to decide... something. “You don’t want them to go back out, or you don’t want them go back out where you can’t help?”
It seemed to him a fair question.
“I don’t want them to go back out,” he said immediately, but the next sentence, the second part of it...
If he went out with them, could he have helped? It wouldn’t have been the two women and Tron, it would have been two fighters, or at least two more used to fighting. Not that he hadn’t seen Quorra at work but she was trained by Flynn. And that meant a certain serenity. Not the kind of viciousness that Users apparently possessed on the outside. And Xia, she wasn’t a fighter. Not even in the way Quorra was.
Clu shook his head after a second. “Even if I could go out...” No, that wasn’t a guess he could make. “Xia...”
He didn’t know what he could have done if he had been with them, and that was the frightening thing. The thing that undid and unnerved him. If this User had taken Tron by surprised, the best fighter the Grid had to offer, what chance did he have? Admittedly the second best fighter the Grid had to offer, and even so. It shook him. He paced a little ways away and back again, fingers curling through his hair, not sure what to say or do.
“Maybe an extra set of eyes would have helped. I don’t know. I don’t want this happening again, Flynn.” And the look he gave his User, with identical eyes, was stern. Flynn was out now, it was his world, and Clu did not want this happening to his friends again. Whatever that meant. He’d go along with whatever that meant, and no, he didn’t mean to take that decision away from Tron, even if he didn’t want them to go out again. Even if that had been his first reflex. Taking decisions away from Tron was for before.
But he didn’t want this happening again.
“Wise.” Softly. He sighed, and straightened up a little.
“There is no guarantee that it won’t happen. Or some other bad thing won’t happen. We will take care of those who did it this time, and in general, in the longer term, hopefully the changes that the ISOs may introduce will decrease the motivation for such things... done on purpose by people. Users. But there is no guarantee. It was... one of the reasons why I created the Grid in the first place,” he made a gesture around them. “I wanted order and safety and perfection, because it is so very not so, outside. It is also why even when the ISOs changed my expectations of the system, I didn’t, I couldn’t let go of my initial goals. I didn’t do it in the best way possible, that is true, but...”
Maybe he would see it, now.
“But bad things and misfortunes and hurt are not all that happens, out there. There is beauty, and grace, and spontaneity, and nobility and heroism, and progress in ways that I couldn’t reproduce in here if I were to try for ten times a thousand cycles. There is... diversity, infinite. Creativity. Pain is the price we pay for it all. Or one of the prices.”
He could talk more, yes. Depending on which parts interested or helped Clu. But... “There are no guarantees. If you’re there, maybe next time nobody will attack. Maybe you’ll be able to protect them all, and they you. Maybe you’ll suggest a safer route, or a safer place. It’s not known. But you shouldn’t let fear rule your actions. Reason, yes. Fear... no.”
And then, as an aside to Alan. “Although that was definitely a kick in the ass that we need to find out what human medics can and cannot do for... at least Quorra.” He wasn’t going to take the decision from Tron and Xia, either. Nor Clu himself. But he was pretty certain what his long-time apprentice would say to the suggestion that she remain, in the future, in the safety of the Grid world.
Alan nodded slightly, a rueful twist to his mouth for a second. “We can find doctors who will … will keep quiet about whatever they find. It won’t be easy, but it wouldn’t be the hardest thing we’ve ever done.” He might even be able to draw on old connections from the group. They came from all walks of life, there had to be a doctor around there somewhere, or maybe someone who knew a doctor they could trust to keep secrets.
Clu wasn’t sure what to say. Or how to think of what Flynn was saying. He preferred order. A certain set of actions with predictable results, or at least a restricted set of surprise endings. It hadn’t been an issue until now. And he knew it was only an issue because Tron had been injured so severely. But that issue … no, he didn’t know what part of this was a real issue and what part of this was something that should be put into a box and left to die for lack of attention.
“Order...” he rasped. “Safety and protection. I can see why that might hold a certain appeal.”
Hands on his hips for a second, then dropping down to his sides. “I don’t know. That isn’t... It’s not my world out there. I haven’t seen any of that, this beauty, inspiration, whatever you say is good about it. All I know of your world is that you came from it, he,” one hand gesturing at Alan. “And Sam Flynn. And that my friend went out into your world and that was almost the last I saw of him. I didn’t... He is still here because I needed him.” He needed to impress that upon Flynn somehow, and he was still trying to avoid thinking of de-resolution. In terms of Tron, at least. He had kept Tron, even as Rinzler, because he needed him. And going out into the Users world had almost killed him.
He didn’t know how to deal with that. With the threat or fear of loss. He didn’t know how to cope with the reality of that, even though Tron and the girls went out every now and again pretty constantly, even if only for short periods of time. Tron and Xia, anyway.
Something had to give. Even if only in little ways; he was winding too tight to do anything else.
“That is a good reason to be anywhere,” Flynn said first. Because a friend needed him.
In fact, other than the current emergency, or rather, recent emergency, Flynn himself came back to the Grid mostly because.... at least he thought that Clu needed him. But he wasn’t going to bring that up, right now.
He’d nodded at Alan, about the doctors, it was something to keep in mind that they did need to work on. This time, they were close enough that they could do things this way. Whenever the next time came, and it would likely not come with ha warning tag, they might not be this lucky. So they had to know.
But Clu... Clu.
Not that long ago, Clu had been ready to do anything whatsoever in order to get out in that world. And now he knew otherwise. Swung the opposite way, almost, although with what had just happened, Flynn could relate to it. A little. No, he was getting the can’t-cope aspect of the reaction, loud and clear, in fact. But he didn’t know fully how to help him with that. So he caught, feebly, for a tangent.
“You do know some of the inspiration, in the music that you listened to. And that is only one aspect of things, moderately intricate. But...” He shrugged a little, then stepped closer, hand on Clu’s shoulder. Whatever else was true about the coping, the program wasn’t alone and wasn’t going to be. Not truly. “I haven’t... actually asked Tron why he’s kept on coming out, but it’s a place of faster learning, of immersion in a kind of place that information is transmitted on too many levels to consciously interpret all of it at the time it’s happening, but often needs to be reflected upon.” Small frown. “In fact, even before we found you, Tron and Xia spent more time in here than any of the rest of us. Not as much as since, they definitely do enjoy your company - and do honor your need, and their own - but you haven’t trapped them here, nor has the outside world been their undisputed preference before.”
As any of them, Tron was complicated and layered, and fascinating, and Xia... well. Even more so.
“But your need for him is not the only thing that binds you, you know. He needs you, too.”
True. If, in fact, Flynn didn’t know if it would help at all some of the aspects of how hard this was hitting Clu.
Clu … twitched. A bit at that, first a twitch and then a full-body shudder, more obvious in the tight suit with the lights running along his body. Tron, needing him, that wasn’t something he visited too often. It wasn’t something anyone had said in a long, long time.
“Tron...” No, he didn’t say it. But part of him, the part that well remembered everything he had done to him, that still thought of it, and the way he and Tron had talked after, wondered if Tron did need him. “I don’t know what that means. If he needs me, I don’t know where those pieces fit. I don’t... believe. As easily as I used to.” In Flynn. In whatever in him Tron might need, in what they were doing. It didn’t feel like it came as easily as it had before.
It was there, of course. The belief was there, the faith too. He dug down deep and he thought he had found it, but every now and again someone said something that made him wonder. What was there. And there were other times, although this was by far the worst, when he realized how much of what he was was bound up in faith and belief in other people. In Tron. Flynn. It was hard to fathom, being what he was. So very complex. He wasn’t a User, he shouldn’t have to operate the way Users did. But he couldn’t deny that when he found out what happened, that he didn’t feel like the gravity had been flipped again without him prepared, sending him crashing.
Which tripped him back to Flynn’s earlier words, and he chuckled slight and tired. “I can’t imagine a place where information... could go faster than this.” Could be more overwhelming.
He shook his head. “He almost died. That is... not something that’s happened before. Not where... I couldn’t control it.” That was implication enough, he didn’t want to go into more detail about what happened. But before, when Tron had been under threat, when he had turned him into Rinzler and pitted him against everyone and everything the Grid had had to offer, he knew it would be all right. And he had no such assurances here, when Tron was in the outside world. “Whatever inspirations, information, whatever he finds out there... I hope it’s worth it. If it’s worth it, then...” He didn’t know. If it was worth it to Tron, then it was worth it. But he didn’t know how close that was to any kind of compensation, if his friend had... died.
Flynn sighed slightly. The upset, confusion, pain were roiling off Clu in waves - his face, his body, his voice, his words. Flynn hovered a moment longer, and then stepped in, wrapping his arm around the program’s shoulders. Not fully tugging him for the hug he wanted to give, yet. But holding. Definitely offering the embrace, just not pressing it on Clu.
“Information-wise,” he started slowly, “nothing I have done can measure up with the outside world. But maybe you’ll get more information from others about that, when you’re up to asking.” The rest...
“Maybe if you get yourself to release some of the control, things will align themselves better. Maybe the pieces you are looking for shouldn’t be sought out, but you need to let them come back to you. In their own order, the way they fit and match. Close your eyes and ease your mind.” Faint liptwitch. “Not necessarily immediately, it’s difficult to let that happen when upset, but eventually. Things don’t fit in neat little holes - a square peg into a square opening, a round one into a circle... That doesn’t mean that what you’ve got is deficient, even if you find yourself with more pegs than holes,” and no, he didn’t realize he’d switched to a children’s toys metaphor which was unlikely to be too easily understandable to Clu, it just came to him easiest, “and then you get different solutions.”
And, almost tiredly, “it’s not how things were developed here on the Grid, but out there it’s a fact of existence that everybody dies. Finally and completely. I will, Alan will. The way my wife did. Whether or not it’s worth it... We make of the time we have the best we can. That makes it worth it, for some.” And yes, it hurt enough to mention Jordan’s passing, bringing up Lora would have been worse, right now. “We’re not sure if that applies to those who’ve began here on the Grid. Natural death may not be the case for you, either here or outside. Other causes... are open in both places. All of that leading to this point - Tron will decide if it has been, and even more importantly, if it will in the future be worth it, going out. And if he does,” his eyes flicked to Alan, but then steadied back over on the program, “and you wish to, you can give it a try to see and judge for yourself.”
So maybe it wasn’t the best course of action to give Clu yet more things to need to process... but on the other hand, it was context for some of those questions. Or at least Flynn saw it as such.
“When he’s up to talking about it...” Clu nodded, and then the words caught up to his processing speed of the moment and he blinked at Flynn. “You mean, me, on the outside.”
On the face of it, a practical thing to suggest. He did want to know what Tron was experiencing on the outside, and he did want to know what it was his friend was getting from there. And otherwise, it sounded like a terrible idea. Considering all that he had done and all that he wanted to do.
“Are you sure that’s wise?”
“Yes, that is what I mean, and... Mmm.” Was it wise? Per se, probably not. Although... “At this point, it is probably wiser than leaving you here on your own if they opt to come back out.” Which may be a bit blunt, but it was true on all levels. It may be safer for Tron and Xia if Clu was with them. It was likely going to do Clu good, to learn... to see for himself, rather than keep on trying to figure things out second-hand. And if they did come out and he was kept inside, they would be back to resentment, justifiable, too, against decisions taken away from Clu. Brewing darker again, as time passed faster in here than for those outside.
So maybe it wasn’t wise as such. But it was wiser to at least have the offer open to him than not. That much, Flynn could decide, from past experiences. And very recent ones, too. Lessons learned.
He smiled faintly, arm tightening around Clu’s shoulders, the exact same width as his had been and firm under his hold. “You don’t have to decide right now, you realize. Just keep in mind the possibility. For decision or discussion.”
Clu nodded slightly, still trying to work through the ramifications of that offer. Along with everything else. “They shouldn’t go out for at least … at least another day or two. Tron’s up and walking around but …” He didn’t know how quickly the other program would recover. How soon it would be before Tron was back to full strength, it seemed like it was easier for Users to tell these things. He leaned into Flynn a bit, one hand scrubbing over his face.
“I’ll discuss it with them.” It came out automatically, but as he said it he realized how good it might be to talk it over with Tron. They had always worked best, by both his and Flynn’s standards, when they had worked together. And when he had struck out on his own he had viewed the loss of efficiency as acceptable, and it hadn’t been that much anyway with Rinzler there, but now there was no reason to go without. So, yes. Talking it over with Tron, and Xia might be able to help. He was much more willing to allow as other people might be able to help now than he had been; it seemed easier to understand, to believe.
He nodded, solidifying that in his mind. “I’ll talk to Tron. About... going outside. Him and me. I don’t like it, but …”
But it would be easier. If he was able to watch Tron’s back. If he had the necessary and sufficient data to understand and make plans for what might happen. Contingency plans.
He looked over at Flynn. “Thank you.” For trusting him. For explaining. And taking this leap. They had gone, and he hadn’t thought about it until things started settling into place, but they had gone from stop Clu from escaping at all costs to think about coming out and seeing what we see without any steps in between, or any steps jointly and deliberately taken, anyway. Flynn had never given any hint that this was on the table, and he hadn’t asked. Not with everything.
But he was grateful that it came up now, even if he wasn’t so happy about the circumstances.
And now Flynn wrapped his arms around Clu in a full hug, steady and kind. “You’re welcome,” gentle voice.
He also smiled slightly. “No, they probably shouldn’t. I don’t think either of them is rushing, either, which means,” and that was a good thing, too, “that you’re thinking along the same lines already. The talk will probably be productive. And it is the best way to go.” He looked over at Alan, the smile slightly wry. “None of us need to figure what happens next alone. My recent example at taking over fixing Tron notwithstanding.” He’d done that because he knew it was the kind of damage, structural but not ideological, that he could fix the fastest. So he had. If Alan minded... well, he would have told him, he trusted.
And this... this was something that Flynn hadn’t thought would come this soon. He’d hoped that it would be possible, on account of, among other things, not isolating Clu, who was the only one... other than Xia’s people, and he thought she’d tell him if they had thoughts this way, who wandered around the Gridworld but not outside. It wasn’t fair, in its way, if Clu was changed, to punish him this way.
Clu had changed, too. Even the way he took this, right now, was sign enough. The hunger for something to conquer was not there - instead, there was caution, and curiosity, and acceptance. It was not for a good reason - because even if the greater disaster was averted, any one of them getting hurt was a bad thing - but perhaps the timing was right indeed. Before the issue had time to chafe. And they did have a reason, unpredictable as it was.
Slowly, Flynn smiled even more. “And it might be a good thing to have you out there. Not merely for Tron’s sake.”
He meant it, too. He knew that some of the looks Alan gave them were because it was strange, but... a long time ago, Tron and Clu had been his friends, too, in this place he’d once upon a time thought weird himself. Narcissism aside, he did like their company, too.
It took Clu barely a second to hug back, tight and clinging. Fingers digging into Flynn’s shoulders for a second and then easing up as he realized that might be painful for the User. He didn’t want to hurt anyone. He wanted it to be fixed, he wanted everything to be ordered and calm again, and it wasn’t happening.
Alan watched the whole process with some bemusement and confusion, but he did trust that Flynn knew what he was doing. And while it was possible that Clu was playing them, he thought that the recent events with Tron’s injury had shook him up enough to impress upon him the seriousness of what was going on. Beyond that, even, he could see the changes that had come about even with what little he saw of Clu. He imagined Flynn could see and hear more.
He shook his head, chuckling slightly at that example, or counter-example. “That was less a matter of alone and more a matter of you knowing what you were doing more recently than I,” he pointed out softly.
Clu snorted slightly, didn’t say anything for a bit. He had no doubt that either User was capable of fixing Tron, but he did feel better that Flynn did it. Even if Alan was technically Tron’s user. Flynn had worked beside them for cycles.
And he wasn’t sure what Flynn meant about it being good to have him out there in the User world. It was hard to see anything good about the User world from this standpoint, easier to remember when his idea had seemed like a good one. Rectify. Everything. The gridbugs in here, the senseless destruction Users perpetrated on each other in the User world. There were other things, he had to keep in mind. There was the music. There were Users like Sam Flynn and Alan Bradley. Xia talked sometimes of the sunrises, and weather. There were good things. He should remember that.
He should remember that, indeed. Flynn had no doubt that when he got outside, he’d find some of those difficult to forget, or miss.
For now, he hugged steady and tight, and didn’t show any sign that the clasp hurt. Because in a way, it didn’t. In that way, it was a tiny little sign that let him know that Clu was accepting him just that bit more.
And since when are you drowning so as to need to clutch at straws?
Curious question, that. He’d look at it closer, later.
For now, he looked over at Alan and nodded, accepting. The retroactive approval was welcome, in fact; he had again acted ahead of himself. And here he’d decided to forgo that kind of thing.
“We’ll all work it out, but yeah, you guys talk it through first, there’s no rush to any of this.” He smiled, a trifle wearily. It wasn’t a time-window kind of an opportunity for Clu - if he missed this, he wouldn’t get it. It was just what it was. A chance to learn more. After all, while there was an infinite set of possibilities on what to do in the Gridworld, for Clu the opportunities to learn were somewhat limited, after all this time, and possibly not to be fully pushed into for now. Not that Flynn really thought Clu would cause damage to the remaining ISOs... but there was no cause to force him into learning about them yet, not before the program was ready.
Transitions periods were... difficult for everybody.
This was now, and here, and so was he. In case there were more questions. Or even more anger. Or anything that he could at least try to help with. He’d made mistakes in the past; some, he truly didn’t want to repeat.
Another nod. No rushing, that was good. Not having a solid timetable for something like this. After all the surprises he’d had in the last cycle or so, he wasn’t sure what a good timetable for anything but the simplest of constructions was, or if he should bother trying to formulate one.
“You should go,” he murmured after a moment or two, trying to think if there was anything else he wanted to discuss. Most of this, he didn’t want to discuss. He didn’t want to think about it, about what had happened, about the repairs, about the implications laced all through the conversations from the once-longed-for possibility of travel to the outside world to the one lurking in the back of his processes, that one day no matter how much anyone tried Flynn would be gone, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. “I’m … we’ll keep an eye on him. There’s not much …” Not much for them to do here.
“I don’t think we have to,” Alan hedge, but he’d leave it to Flynn to make the final decision. Still, it wasn’t as though they were losing hours and hours on the outside. Quorra was keeping watch, and if Flynn wanted to stay here with Clu, hell, even he could go out and give them a report and Flynn could stay here. If he wanted. “I mean, it’s up to you guys.”
Whereupon Clu leaned back a bit to give Alan, then Flynn a quizzical look.
Flynn gave a crooked smile, first at Clu and then at Alan. “In a bit,” he murmured. “Done with the hit-and-run, a long time ago.” His arm tightened around Clu for a moment, without pulling him closer, per se. “If you want, go and check on him, and we’ll be here for a bit, in case there’s a problem, not that I think there will be, but just so nobody worries.” It made sense to him, at least. Tron was up and about, if there was anything that he’d missed somehow - after all, knife stabbings were not something anybody in here had dealt with - it would show up, and, yeah.
“But we’ll go, in a bit. Just not run away on you, any of you.”
He’d let go whenever Clu pulled back, but not sooner.
Clu nodded. But it took him a while to let go.
“I’ll make sure he’s doing all right,” he muttered, when he did let go, and stepped away in the direction the other two had gone.
Alan looked over at Flynn. “You know, we could probably rest here before we go on out. I can go send out a message, if you want, let people know? But …” He gave a rueful grin, that suggested he was trying to come up with a diplomatic way to suggest Flynn looked like crap. “Sam’s made his little nest down here, we might as well take advantage of it.”
That ‘little nest’ really wasn’t much, any longer. After the first session rebuilding Clu (and Alan kind of wished they’d thought of it while rebuilding Tron) it had turned into a campground version of the house, with beds enough for at least four, five people, some of them big enough for doubling up. Right now, it might be very tempting.