Hmm...
I completely and totally forgot about my journal....interesting. I still never know what to write in these things so I'm just gonna write everything that going through my mind...
I want my sister and the kids in here NOW!! Having them in the same province finally and they are not in the same city is driving me insane. I can't wait to see the 2 cutest kids in the whole world again.
I'm graduated. I graduated from College of the North Atlantic's Graphic Design program last thursday..The last 2-3 weeks of school just about drove me into a nervous breakdown. Especially the second last week which involved our design show Designopolis and finishing my portfolio, business card and resume. I actually cried....I had my first school related cry. No bad for lasting almost the full 2 years without getting that frustratedwith the projects and all. But the putting the portfolio together just about did me in. For the last 3 weeks or so of school I was trying so hard to get everything clued up, because after you graduate of course there is no second chance, Therefore I was getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night, trying to finish projects, portfolio and all that stuff plus working three shifts at Buck or Two each weekend. I tell ya when I put that last piece of work into my portfolio it was like half the weight of the world was lifted right off my shoulders. The party on the 2nd took the rest off lol. It was such a good party at West Side Charlie with all my best friends from school. Good time was had.
In a way I'm glad to be out of school because it gets me away from a person that I've had to pretend to like for the past few months. I used to like him a whole lot. We had late night conversations for 3 to 4 hours online some nights. And I really thought that something was actually going to happen between us, I just kept thinking Wow I'm finally met someone that great and that i can talk to about anything and listen to anything he wants to talk about. I usually end up liking the guys that I would never in a million years have a chance with but he was different...we had the same likes and dislikes (for the most part lol) and he just seemed really great. All our friends that we hung out with at school wanted us to be together. I wanted us to be together....then I found out what he was really like.. He told my best friend Kayla that he wasn't in a place where he wanted to have a girlfriend right now cause up until like May of last year he was with someone for almost 2 years. So I said you know perfectly understandable. The flirting continued. The long talks and trips to subway and ice cream continued. Then I found out that he started dating someone that he worked with, and the bad thing is everyone of our friends knew and none of them wanted to tell me. Kinda blew my mind but I didn't let anyone know that...I just kept it inside like I always do.
Then i really found out the truth...He told another one of my really good friends that Ya he did like me...was intereted in being with me...all that stuff...but I wasn't the kind of girl he usually went for...I was ..and I quote "bigger". I was talking to my friend online on messanger when I was told that this was said. I couldn't type for at least 5 minutes. I coulnd't see the screen for the next 5 minutes. I hate him becasue he made me cry. Someone with such a small immature mind made me cry and that bugged me. And just thinking about the fact that he admits that he liked me and was interested but wouldn't ask me out because of the way I looked. Blows my mind.
I didn't talk to him for about a week. I didn't talk to him at all didn't tell him why I was not talking I just couldn't even bring myself to look in his face because I was that embarassed. I don't think he realizes how that makes someone feel about themselves. It crushed me and I hate that. I thougth I was stronger than that. Stronger than letting some immature little boy get to me like that. I should have just forgotten about him and moved on. But I couldn't...
I decided afterwards that I didn't want to make it ackward for the friends we both hung out with so I started talking to him again. It will never, ever be the same between us he hate me bad with those words and I'll never forget it..So while I was trying to keep up my spot as one of the top people in the class, trying to be proud of myself and all that I had that weighting over my head also. I just coudln't get it out of my head. It made me think about the clothes that I was wearing I had to make sure everything didn't make me look like a big fat cow and it was just there everytime I knew I was going to see him I wanted to wear the clothes that made me look my best and I started working out cause I wanted to prove him wrong. But I realize now ...who cares what he thinks, he one small minded little boy that doesn't matter anymore. But I'm glad that I don't have to see him anymore...I don't think I could have done it that much longer..I would have freaked out at him and that's not me..I didn't want everyone in school to know what he said. So I pretended. I laughed with him, took rides home, hung out, all that stuff but everytime I talked to him I had to will myself to either not cry or not say anything about what an ass he is and that I may be bigger but I'm a much more bigger person inside that he is. I feel sorry for the girl he's with now.
Well that was the story of my last few months. I'm glad I finally had a chance to write it down. Because it was killing me.
Now my big thing is getting a job. I need a job. If anyone knows anyone that needs a Graphic Designer let me know! If it's in the states I'll do it through email I don't care lol I just need a good job.
After all that....why do I still feel so lonely and in need of a boyfriend.
I want my sister and the kids in here NOW!! Having them in the same province finally and they are not in the same city is driving me insane. I can't wait to see the 2 cutest kids in the whole world again.
I'm graduated. I graduated from College of the North Atlantic's Graphic Design program last thursday..The last 2-3 weeks of school just about drove me into a nervous breakdown. Especially the second last week which involved our design show Designopolis and finishing my portfolio, business card and resume. I actually cried....I had my first school related cry. No bad for lasting almost the full 2 years without getting that frustratedwith the projects and all. But the putting the portfolio together just about did me in. For the last 3 weeks or so of school I was trying so hard to get everything clued up, because after you graduate of course there is no second chance, Therefore I was getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night, trying to finish projects, portfolio and all that stuff plus working three shifts at Buck or Two each weekend. I tell ya when I put that last piece of work into my portfolio it was like half the weight of the world was lifted right off my shoulders. The party on the 2nd took the rest off lol. It was such a good party at West Side Charlie with all my best friends from school. Good time was had.
In a way I'm glad to be out of school because it gets me away from a person that I've had to pretend to like for the past few months. I used to like him a whole lot. We had late night conversations for 3 to 4 hours online some nights. And I really thought that something was actually going to happen between us, I just kept thinking Wow I'm finally met someone that great and that i can talk to about anything and listen to anything he wants to talk about. I usually end up liking the guys that I would never in a million years have a chance with but he was different...we had the same likes and dislikes (for the most part lol) and he just seemed really great. All our friends that we hung out with at school wanted us to be together. I wanted us to be together....then I found out what he was really like.. He told my best friend Kayla that he wasn't in a place where he wanted to have a girlfriend right now cause up until like May of last year he was with someone for almost 2 years. So I said you know perfectly understandable. The flirting continued. The long talks and trips to subway and ice cream continued. Then I found out that he started dating someone that he worked with, and the bad thing is everyone of our friends knew and none of them wanted to tell me. Kinda blew my mind but I didn't let anyone know that...I just kept it inside like I always do.
Then i really found out the truth...He told another one of my really good friends that Ya he did like me...was intereted in being with me...all that stuff...but I wasn't the kind of girl he usually went for...I was ..and I quote "bigger". I was talking to my friend online on messanger when I was told that this was said. I couldn't type for at least 5 minutes. I coulnd't see the screen for the next 5 minutes. I hate him becasue he made me cry. Someone with such a small immature mind made me cry and that bugged me. And just thinking about the fact that he admits that he liked me and was interested but wouldn't ask me out because of the way I looked. Blows my mind.
I didn't talk to him for about a week. I didn't talk to him at all didn't tell him why I was not talking I just couldn't even bring myself to look in his face because I was that embarassed. I don't think he realizes how that makes someone feel about themselves. It crushed me and I hate that. I thougth I was stronger than that. Stronger than letting some immature little boy get to me like that. I should have just forgotten about him and moved on. But I couldn't...
I decided afterwards that I didn't want to make it ackward for the friends we both hung out with so I started talking to him again. It will never, ever be the same between us he hate me bad with those words and I'll never forget it..So while I was trying to keep up my spot as one of the top people in the class, trying to be proud of myself and all that I had that weighting over my head also. I just coudln't get it out of my head. It made me think about the clothes that I was wearing I had to make sure everything didn't make me look like a big fat cow and it was just there everytime I knew I was going to see him I wanted to wear the clothes that made me look my best and I started working out cause I wanted to prove him wrong. But I realize now ...who cares what he thinks, he one small minded little boy that doesn't matter anymore. But I'm glad that I don't have to see him anymore...I don't think I could have done it that much longer..I would have freaked out at him and that's not me..I didn't want everyone in school to know what he said. So I pretended. I laughed with him, took rides home, hung out, all that stuff but everytime I talked to him I had to will myself to either not cry or not say anything about what an ass he is and that I may be bigger but I'm a much more bigger person inside that he is. I feel sorry for the girl he's with now.
Well that was the story of my last few months. I'm glad I finally had a chance to write it down. Because it was killing me.
Now my big thing is getting a job. I need a job. If anyone knows anyone that needs a Graphic Designer let me know! If it's in the states I'll do it through email I don't care lol I just need a good job.
After all that....why do I still feel so lonely and in need of a boyfriend.