Shaken 1/?
Title: Shaken 1/?
Pairing: SVU A/O
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Alex and Olivia are not my characters. I try to do them justice (no pun intended), though.
Spoilers: Fallacy, and eventually Guilt, Wrong is Right, Loss, and other eps but I just don't know their names
Summary: This story (and chapter) opens immediately after the ending of Fallacy, so it starts out intense. Alex is in shock after seeing Cheryl beaten up, and she and Olivia get that drink Olivia had invited her to earlier in the episode. Through conversation, closeness develops between Alex and Olivia leading up to the closing scenes of Loss. They bravely and thoughtfully (it's how I see their characters) help each other make sense of the world of SVU, and their roles in it. They inspire, and grapple with grey areas of their lives.
AN 1: A HUGE thank you to ncruuk for beta-ing this story 3 years ago. A HUGE thank you to scatterthebones for critiquing the first few chapters recently with such depth. Their help has been invaluable, making for a much better written story, and making me a much better writer! And, I care about your engagement as a reader, so your critique is welcome as you read :)
AN 2: I started working on this story 3 years ago, but then RL got incredibly busy and I wasn't able to write. I will try my best to finish posting it this summer! But beware... if August rolls around and it's not done, there will be huge time gaps between chapters.
Chapter One
“Alex… this isn’t your fault,” Olivia Benson began gently as the elevator doors closed and they descended down to the parking garage of Bellvue Hospital.
“I don’t believe you,” the shaken attorney stated as she leaned against the wall, arms crossed, looking down at the floor. Her head rested against the panels of imitation wood of the elevator walls and her blue, intelligent eyes softly gazed at the tiled, dirty floor. She was both intimately vulnerable and far away.
“You did your job…”
Alex smiled slightly, accepting Olivia’s compassionate presence yet not quite buying her words, as the elevator quietly descended. Their walk to the car was in silence though not in isolation.
“Some moments shatter the illusion of your life.”
Alex looked at Olivia over the roof of the car as she opened the passenger door. “You're right,” she stated, her voice shaking slightly.
Olivia smiled and nodded as they got into the car. A memory of her mother, drunk and passed-out on the living room couch, flashed before her eyes. She would watch her mother's breath rise and fall, looking at her from behind the kitchen counter as she rinsed out each empty and half-empty bottle before throwing them away. Next, was an image of Cheryl on a stretcher being rushed to the emergency room. Olivia had barely recognized Cheryl as the nurses wheeled her up to surgery. One nurse carefully checked her I.V. drip on the way. Olivia hadn't been able to prevent either tragedy. She started the engine, and in an act of comfort found the attorney’s hand. Alex looked up to blink away tears brought forth by the detective’s kindness.
Olivia squeezed her hand, her own voice shaking slightly. “The offer for that drink is still on the table… so is talking.”
“Yeah, OK.” Alex sniffed and laughed lightly, moving her hand to wipe her eye. They moved back into silence as they left the parking garage and entered into the night. Alex leaned back in her seat and looked out the window. “When I was in college I dated a guy who listened to Bob Dylan. Do you know the song Desolation Row?”
Olivia looked at her curiously. The rare times Alex shared personal information always surprised her. You listened to Dylan? And who is this boyfriend? Olivia silently wondered. “I think so,” she answered aloud.
“There’s a line in that song… he’s talking about Ophelia and he says,
And though her eyes are fixed upon
Noah's great rainbow
She spends her time peeking
Into desolation row.
It just went through my mind. It’s like we’re seeking justice for the victims, and then Cheryl gets gang raped. There’s no rainbow - she’s facing desolation. Who will be there for her when she… if she wakes up?”
The lawyer leaned her head against the passenger window and stared outside, watching the lights of the passing cars, watching this light soon change color with the introduction of tones from neon storefront signs as they entered into the East Village. It was starting to rain and small droplets were multiplying on the window, and also refracting light, faster than Alex could count. She reached out a manicured fingernail and traced the trails of water drops gently across the glass. Olivia turned on the windshield wipers.
“We do important work Alex. You do important work.” It was obvious to Olivia that Alex was currently blind to the good she did, but I’m not blind to it she thought.
“God Olivia… sometimes I wonder.”
“Our legal system and our society don’t know how to deal with trannies. What happened to Cheryl is awful. But you’re saying it’s your fault, and it isn’t.”
“I’m saying that I put Cheryl in jail. And I’m saying that I am part of that legal system.”
“Because you care and want to help people. You’re part of a system that helps people, and you do your job a damn sight better than any other ADA I’ve met,” she glanced over at Alex and continued stating the truth, “this was a difficult case, and you did your best within the system. You spoke out for her. You’re not some… some kind of machine for the system.”
Something seemed to have made up its mind within Alex, and she sat up straighter.
“That doesn’t change the fact that she was gang raped, severely beaten, and even if she recovers she will go back to Rikers where who knows what will happen to her. I had a hand in that!” An edge of audacity was back in her voice.
“Yes, it’s horrible! And she’s also been facing this her whole life.” Olivia noticed the change in Alex.
“And it’s wrong.”
“You’re right.” Olivia couldn’t argue, cringing at the memory of what had just happened to Cheryl. “So what are we going to do about it?”
Alex leaned back in her seat, resting her hands on her lap. They were not afraid to disagree. They both knew that underneath their disagreements was a more important commonality: willingness to risk both status and career to do the right thing. Trust and a certain kind of chemistry were ignited by this mutual love of justice and willingness to risk.
“I’ll make some calls tomorrow morning and see what can be done.” Alex sighed and looked at Olivia, and then back out the window. “This isn’t the first time a transsexual has gone to prison… I’ll dig deeper to see what precedents other courts have set.”
“Not a cog.”
“What?” For the first time that evening Alex Cabot smiled.
Olivia also smiled. “You’re not a cog, Alex. Definitely not part of ‘the system’” she said, using her fingers as quotation marks.
“Hands on the steering wheel or I’ll have you arrested.” Alex playfully pushed the Detective’s shoulder.
Olivia laughed at the irony. “But I’m a cop…”
“Yes, well then avoid the awkward scenario. Where are we going anyway?”
Turning the corner Olivia answered, “The Wine Room - off Houston.”
Pairing: SVU A/O
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Alex and Olivia are not my characters. I try to do them justice (no pun intended), though.
Spoilers: Fallacy, and eventually Guilt, Wrong is Right, Loss, and other eps but I just don't know their names
Summary: This story (and chapter) opens immediately after the ending of Fallacy, so it starts out intense. Alex is in shock after seeing Cheryl beaten up, and she and Olivia get that drink Olivia had invited her to earlier in the episode. Through conversation, closeness develops between Alex and Olivia leading up to the closing scenes of Loss. They bravely and thoughtfully (it's how I see their characters) help each other make sense of the world of SVU, and their roles in it. They inspire, and grapple with grey areas of their lives.
AN 1: A HUGE thank you to ncruuk for beta-ing this story 3 years ago. A HUGE thank you to scatterthebones for critiquing the first few chapters recently with such depth. Their help has been invaluable, making for a much better written story, and making me a much better writer! And, I care about your engagement as a reader, so your critique is welcome as you read :)
AN 2: I started working on this story 3 years ago, but then RL got incredibly busy and I wasn't able to write. I will try my best to finish posting it this summer! But beware... if August rolls around and it's not done, there will be huge time gaps between chapters.
Chapter One
“Alex… this isn’t your fault,” Olivia Benson began gently as the elevator doors closed and they descended down to the parking garage of Bellvue Hospital.
“I don’t believe you,” the shaken attorney stated as she leaned against the wall, arms crossed, looking down at the floor. Her head rested against the panels of imitation wood of the elevator walls and her blue, intelligent eyes softly gazed at the tiled, dirty floor. She was both intimately vulnerable and far away.
“You did your job…”
Alex smiled slightly, accepting Olivia’s compassionate presence yet not quite buying her words, as the elevator quietly descended. Their walk to the car was in silence though not in isolation.
“Some moments shatter the illusion of your life.”
Alex looked at Olivia over the roof of the car as she opened the passenger door. “You're right,” she stated, her voice shaking slightly.
Olivia smiled and nodded as they got into the car. A memory of her mother, drunk and passed-out on the living room couch, flashed before her eyes. She would watch her mother's breath rise and fall, looking at her from behind the kitchen counter as she rinsed out each empty and half-empty bottle before throwing them away. Next, was an image of Cheryl on a stretcher being rushed to the emergency room. Olivia had barely recognized Cheryl as the nurses wheeled her up to surgery. One nurse carefully checked her I.V. drip on the way. Olivia hadn't been able to prevent either tragedy. She started the engine, and in an act of comfort found the attorney’s hand. Alex looked up to blink away tears brought forth by the detective’s kindness.
Olivia squeezed her hand, her own voice shaking slightly. “The offer for that drink is still on the table… so is talking.”
“Yeah, OK.” Alex sniffed and laughed lightly, moving her hand to wipe her eye. They moved back into silence as they left the parking garage and entered into the night. Alex leaned back in her seat and looked out the window. “When I was in college I dated a guy who listened to Bob Dylan. Do you know the song Desolation Row?”
Olivia looked at her curiously. The rare times Alex shared personal information always surprised her. You listened to Dylan? And who is this boyfriend? Olivia silently wondered. “I think so,” she answered aloud.
“There’s a line in that song… he’s talking about Ophelia and he says,
And though her eyes are fixed upon
Noah's great rainbow
She spends her time peeking
Into desolation row.
It just went through my mind. It’s like we’re seeking justice for the victims, and then Cheryl gets gang raped. There’s no rainbow - she’s facing desolation. Who will be there for her when she… if she wakes up?”
The lawyer leaned her head against the passenger window and stared outside, watching the lights of the passing cars, watching this light soon change color with the introduction of tones from neon storefront signs as they entered into the East Village. It was starting to rain and small droplets were multiplying on the window, and also refracting light, faster than Alex could count. She reached out a manicured fingernail and traced the trails of water drops gently across the glass. Olivia turned on the windshield wipers.
“We do important work Alex. You do important work.” It was obvious to Olivia that Alex was currently blind to the good she did, but I’m not blind to it she thought.
“God Olivia… sometimes I wonder.”
“Our legal system and our society don’t know how to deal with trannies. What happened to Cheryl is awful. But you’re saying it’s your fault, and it isn’t.”
“I’m saying that I put Cheryl in jail. And I’m saying that I am part of that legal system.”
“Because you care and want to help people. You’re part of a system that helps people, and you do your job a damn sight better than any other ADA I’ve met,” she glanced over at Alex and continued stating the truth, “this was a difficult case, and you did your best within the system. You spoke out for her. You’re not some… some kind of machine for the system.”
Something seemed to have made up its mind within Alex, and she sat up straighter.
“That doesn’t change the fact that she was gang raped, severely beaten, and even if she recovers she will go back to Rikers where who knows what will happen to her. I had a hand in that!” An edge of audacity was back in her voice.
“Yes, it’s horrible! And she’s also been facing this her whole life.” Olivia noticed the change in Alex.
“And it’s wrong.”
“You’re right.” Olivia couldn’t argue, cringing at the memory of what had just happened to Cheryl. “So what are we going to do about it?”
Alex leaned back in her seat, resting her hands on her lap. They were not afraid to disagree. They both knew that underneath their disagreements was a more important commonality: willingness to risk both status and career to do the right thing. Trust and a certain kind of chemistry were ignited by this mutual love of justice and willingness to risk.
“I’ll make some calls tomorrow morning and see what can be done.” Alex sighed and looked at Olivia, and then back out the window. “This isn’t the first time a transsexual has gone to prison… I’ll dig deeper to see what precedents other courts have set.”
“Not a cog.”
“What?” For the first time that evening Alex Cabot smiled.
Olivia also smiled. “You’re not a cog, Alex. Definitely not part of ‘the system’” she said, using her fingers as quotation marks.
“Hands on the steering wheel or I’ll have you arrested.” Alex playfully pushed the Detective’s shoulder.
Olivia laughed at the irony. “But I’m a cop…”
“Yes, well then avoid the awkward scenario. Where are we going anyway?”
Turning the corner Olivia answered, “The Wine Room - off Houston.”