(no subject)
The writing guideline for this piece: two characters are alive after the world has been attacked by zombies.
I'm grateful for all critique. Tear it apart.
AN: Thanks to branded_irony and scatterthebones for critique in general
The trunk of Cloe Sandburg’s car creaked as she peeked outside to look for zombies. It had been twenty-seven hours since the zombies attacked the shopping mall. It had been twenty-seven hours since she’d seen daylight. She had been hungry for the last twenty-three, but not thirsty because she kept a gallon of water in her trunk. She’d never expected to end her trip to Fascinations lying inside her trunk, silently listening to the lock-step march of zombies. The marching ended hours ago, and now she takes a deep breath as she lifts her trunk lid. Strewn bodies lie across the parking lot. She looks. No zombies. Maybe they went into town. She grabs her water and a whip, and starts walking to the field behind the mall.
“Hey!” Simon Gallagher whispers as he hears Cloe walk by. He is hiding inside his trunk. Cloe stops for a moment and opens the lid.
She says, “It’s ok. They’re gone.” And she continues walking.
“Wait up!” He calls after her as he grabs his climbing rope, camping pan, and a bottle of water. He races to catch up. “I’m Simon. Glad to meet you.” He is still whispering as he extends his hand, which Cloe ignores.
“We’ll head to the fields behind the mall. The zombies are headed for the city, so we’ll be safe.”
“OK.”
Simon has to jog to keep up with Cloe’s pace. He attempts to make friendly small talk until he trips over a dead body, the dead sending him a message from beyond the grave to get out of the parking lot - it is no time for small talk. And so they walk in silence.
They walk five miles across dirt fields and scrub brush before stopping to sit under a tree.
“I’m Cloe. You’re in good shape.” Cloe takes a sip of water and notices the cooling night air. She wonders if she and Simon are far enough away that the zombies won’t smell their scent.
“Comes from rock-climbing and working at REI on the weekends.”
“Good.” Cloe gets up again. Walking an extra mile will put them closer to her old school. There will be food there. Simon gets up too and they continue.
“So, what do you do?” Simon asks, now lying on dirt and hoping to get some sleep.
“I’m a professional dominatrix.” Cloe looks up at the night sky. She notices it’s wide and bright this far away from the city, and then she turns on her side and shuts her eyes.
“Seriously?” Simon wondered if it’d be hard to make a living at that.
“Yes. It can be a positive experience for people.”
“I’m pretty vanilla.”
“Maybe you just haven’t met the right girl.”
Simon chuckled. The air now was quiet and cool. He tried to ignore the fact that last night he was lying in a stuffy trunk listening to people screaming. He tried to forget that his friend never made it back to the car.
“How about you? REI your full-time job?” Cloe asked.
“Nah. I’m actually getting my MBA. I want to market cutting-edge technology to the general public. REI just pays the bills.”
Cloe yawned.
Simon crossed his ankles and rested his arms on his stomach. He was getting tired, and they both had to face the morning.
Somehow they managed to fall asleep.
I'm grateful for all critique. Tear it apart.
AN: Thanks to branded_irony and scatterthebones for critique in general
The trunk of Cloe Sandburg’s car creaked as she peeked outside to look for zombies. It had been twenty-seven hours since the zombies attacked the shopping mall. It had been twenty-seven hours since she’d seen daylight. She had been hungry for the last twenty-three, but not thirsty because she kept a gallon of water in her trunk. She’d never expected to end her trip to Fascinations lying inside her trunk, silently listening to the lock-step march of zombies. The marching ended hours ago, and now she takes a deep breath as she lifts her trunk lid. Strewn bodies lie across the parking lot. She looks. No zombies. Maybe they went into town. She grabs her water and a whip, and starts walking to the field behind the mall.
“Hey!” Simon Gallagher whispers as he hears Cloe walk by. He is hiding inside his trunk. Cloe stops for a moment and opens the lid.
She says, “It’s ok. They’re gone.” And she continues walking.
“Wait up!” He calls after her as he grabs his climbing rope, camping pan, and a bottle of water. He races to catch up. “I’m Simon. Glad to meet you.” He is still whispering as he extends his hand, which Cloe ignores.
“We’ll head to the fields behind the mall. The zombies are headed for the city, so we’ll be safe.”
“OK.”
Simon has to jog to keep up with Cloe’s pace. He attempts to make friendly small talk until he trips over a dead body, the dead sending him a message from beyond the grave to get out of the parking lot - it is no time for small talk. And so they walk in silence.
They walk five miles across dirt fields and scrub brush before stopping to sit under a tree.
“I’m Cloe. You’re in good shape.” Cloe takes a sip of water and notices the cooling night air. She wonders if she and Simon are far enough away that the zombies won’t smell their scent.
“Comes from rock-climbing and working at REI on the weekends.”
“Good.” Cloe gets up again. Walking an extra mile will put them closer to her old school. There will be food there. Simon gets up too and they continue.
“So, what do you do?” Simon asks, now lying on dirt and hoping to get some sleep.
“I’m a professional dominatrix.” Cloe looks up at the night sky. She notices it’s wide and bright this far away from the city, and then she turns on her side and shuts her eyes.
“Seriously?” Simon wondered if it’d be hard to make a living at that.
“Yes. It can be a positive experience for people.”
“I’m pretty vanilla.”
“Maybe you just haven’t met the right girl.”
Simon chuckled. The air now was quiet and cool. He tried to ignore the fact that last night he was lying in a stuffy trunk listening to people screaming. He tried to forget that his friend never made it back to the car.
“How about you? REI your full-time job?” Cloe asked.
“Nah. I’m actually getting my MBA. I want to market cutting-edge technology to the general public. REI just pays the bills.”
Cloe yawned.
Simon crossed his ankles and rested his arms on his stomach. He was getting tired, and they both had to face the morning.
Somehow they managed to fall asleep.