FUCK YEAH!
so lately everything is perfect.
like with everything.
parents. friends. boyfriend. it's fucking amazing.
for the first time in about 4 years, there is no drama.
everything is back to normal.
i've wanted this for so long that it took me a while to realize that it has actually come.
my parents trust me, love me, and don't suspect me to fuck up anymore.
my friends are all just chill.
and things with ponce are just so perfect it's scary.
it's weird how one person can fuck up so much stuff that goes on in your life. and that person for me is brittany rockelmann. it's no secret that i don't like her anymore. it does have to do with what she put me through, but i mean that is just a give in. and it kind of pisses me off when i hear about her being fake towards my name. it's kind of like, dude, if you're going to be nice about me to people, then why the fuck did you put me through all that fucking hell for no reason. i do realize all that shit went down a little over a year ago... actually... it would be a year ago today. yeah. cuz i was in Houston at ponce's cousins wedding when all that shit went down, and today is their one year anniversary. wow. coisidence or what. but anyway, i'm over what had happened but i just don't think i will ever be able to be her friend again. not because "i hate her and she's a fucking bitch" but because she went to the ultimate low of best friend betrayel, even bringing my family and boyfriend into it. i just can't trust her. she told people my secrets, cursed my name, and prayed that i would die. i just can't bring myself to forget about that shit. it's not like i bitch about it on a regular basis, nor do i ever think about that situation anymore, it's just weird how all of a sudden, i get on the computer, and my mind just starts going. but she really hurt me and i don't think that i'm up for that again. i wasted so much energy on trying to get her straight in everything. school. relationships. family. i was always trying to make her see the wrong in what she was doing and how she could make it right. but i finally just said fuck it. peace. and i couldn't be happier. i know that sounds dick of me to say that giving up on my best friend saved my life, but it did. i have no more drama. like none. not with girls, guys, or my family. it's awesome.
the only drama that i had after britt was out was with ponce. but that was between him and i. she really had nothing to do with it. and it wasn't like we were the perfect little couple. i remember bitching about him non stop over stupid shit daily to amira. good god how fucking annoying that must've been. fuck. i was a stupid dramatic little girl now that i look back on how i used to react to things. and yeah it was because ponce cheated on me, but i was the one who took him back. but i was young then, i didn't really know what was up no matter how hard i could've sworn i did. but all that shit that he put me through just made me stronger. and honestly, i thank him for breaking up with me in the summer. because if he hadn't, i wouldn't have. not even if he beat me, kicked me, fucked me over again. i wouldn't have. i was this clingy self-esteem lacking thing that was so pethetic. ugh. i hate how i let myself get so low. and it's not like ponce cheated on me when everything was perfect in our relationships, it was always when things were at their worst. but after the summer, like after he broke up with me, i got my life back. i used to spend my friday night at home watching moovies with a large pizza from papa john's. i was such a loser. i didn't care about anything except "where's ponce". god how boring my scrapbook would be if i didn't go crazy in the summer. fuck. it's just so hardcore to think about. i probably wouldn't be friends with amira anymore.... i would never have met berger, bianca, samantha, carly, jon, milam, rotko, gwyn, jada, joel, joanna... and so many more. fuck dude. I'M SO FUCKING GLAD HE BROKE UP WITH ME! I THANK GOD HE BROKE UP WITH ME! ugh. i love my life so much better now. and now me and ponce's relationship is fresh. it's not as intense and serious as it was. and that's so much less pressure that we have to deal with. i mean, we still love eachother the same if not more... no... we love eachother more because i never hate him or wish he was dead anymore. and everytime i'm with him i have a good time, whether it be running erons or chillen watching tv, bar b qing, whatever. everytime i leave his appartment, i leave loving him and not upset. and that's just such a good feeling. and i could go a whole day or two days without talking to him and know that everything's ok. that he's not fucking around. i trust him that much again. granted i'd miss him like crazy, but i would want to call him just to hear his voice, not to know where he is, who he's with, or what he's doing. i would just call him and say, "i love you", hear him tell me back and i'm set. for another day or whatever. but if you asked me last year, fuck i would call him every 30 minutes or every hour. man. i was insane.
and now, if he ever pulled that shit again, or if any of that crap started comming back, i'm just going to say fuck it. and not even out loud. i'll just look at him or who ever is fucking up straight in the face, turn around, and walk away. no need for words to be spoken. that's just wasted energy and causes a scene. i'm not up for that shit anymore. if he decides to cheat on me again, well peace. and if one of my friends decides to fuck me over, well peace. you're not going to find me calling you an hour later or answering your calls. i'm out. so be careful with what you decide to do/say. but only if that ever comes up, and i pray and hope it doesn't because i love everyone, and the way my life is going and the people in it way to much right now.
I AM SO GLAD ALL THAT SHIT IT DONE AND I NOW HAVE GOOD FRIENDS WHO CARE ABOUT ME AND HAVE MORALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love all of you!
like with everything.
parents. friends. boyfriend. it's fucking amazing.
for the first time in about 4 years, there is no drama.
everything is back to normal.
i've wanted this for so long that it took me a while to realize that it has actually come.
my parents trust me, love me, and don't suspect me to fuck up anymore.
my friends are all just chill.
and things with ponce are just so perfect it's scary.
it's weird how one person can fuck up so much stuff that goes on in your life. and that person for me is brittany rockelmann. it's no secret that i don't like her anymore. it does have to do with what she put me through, but i mean that is just a give in. and it kind of pisses me off when i hear about her being fake towards my name. it's kind of like, dude, if you're going to be nice about me to people, then why the fuck did you put me through all that fucking hell for no reason. i do realize all that shit went down a little over a year ago... actually... it would be a year ago today. yeah. cuz i was in Houston at ponce's cousins wedding when all that shit went down, and today is their one year anniversary. wow. coisidence or what. but anyway, i'm over what had happened but i just don't think i will ever be able to be her friend again. not because "i hate her and she's a fucking bitch" but because she went to the ultimate low of best friend betrayel, even bringing my family and boyfriend into it. i just can't trust her. she told people my secrets, cursed my name, and prayed that i would die. i just can't bring myself to forget about that shit. it's not like i bitch about it on a regular basis, nor do i ever think about that situation anymore, it's just weird how all of a sudden, i get on the computer, and my mind just starts going. but she really hurt me and i don't think that i'm up for that again. i wasted so much energy on trying to get her straight in everything. school. relationships. family. i was always trying to make her see the wrong in what she was doing and how she could make it right. but i finally just said fuck it. peace. and i couldn't be happier. i know that sounds dick of me to say that giving up on my best friend saved my life, but it did. i have no more drama. like none. not with girls, guys, or my family. it's awesome.
the only drama that i had after britt was out was with ponce. but that was between him and i. she really had nothing to do with it. and it wasn't like we were the perfect little couple. i remember bitching about him non stop over stupid shit daily to amira. good god how fucking annoying that must've been. fuck. i was a stupid dramatic little girl now that i look back on how i used to react to things. and yeah it was because ponce cheated on me, but i was the one who took him back. but i was young then, i didn't really know what was up no matter how hard i could've sworn i did. but all that shit that he put me through just made me stronger. and honestly, i thank him for breaking up with me in the summer. because if he hadn't, i wouldn't have. not even if he beat me, kicked me, fucked me over again. i wouldn't have. i was this clingy self-esteem lacking thing that was so pethetic. ugh. i hate how i let myself get so low. and it's not like ponce cheated on me when everything was perfect in our relationships, it was always when things were at their worst. but after the summer, like after he broke up with me, i got my life back. i used to spend my friday night at home watching moovies with a large pizza from papa john's. i was such a loser. i didn't care about anything except "where's ponce". god how boring my scrapbook would be if i didn't go crazy in the summer. fuck. it's just so hardcore to think about. i probably wouldn't be friends with amira anymore.... i would never have met berger, bianca, samantha, carly, jon, milam, rotko, gwyn, jada, joel, joanna... and so many more. fuck dude. I'M SO FUCKING GLAD HE BROKE UP WITH ME! I THANK GOD HE BROKE UP WITH ME! ugh. i love my life so much better now. and now me and ponce's relationship is fresh. it's not as intense and serious as it was. and that's so much less pressure that we have to deal with. i mean, we still love eachother the same if not more... no... we love eachother more because i never hate him or wish he was dead anymore. and everytime i'm with him i have a good time, whether it be running erons or chillen watching tv, bar b qing, whatever. everytime i leave his appartment, i leave loving him and not upset. and that's just such a good feeling. and i could go a whole day or two days without talking to him and know that everything's ok. that he's not fucking around. i trust him that much again. granted i'd miss him like crazy, but i would want to call him just to hear his voice, not to know where he is, who he's with, or what he's doing. i would just call him and say, "i love you", hear him tell me back and i'm set. for another day or whatever. but if you asked me last year, fuck i would call him every 30 minutes or every hour. man. i was insane.
and now, if he ever pulled that shit again, or if any of that crap started comming back, i'm just going to say fuck it. and not even out loud. i'll just look at him or who ever is fucking up straight in the face, turn around, and walk away. no need for words to be spoken. that's just wasted energy and causes a scene. i'm not up for that shit anymore. if he decides to cheat on me again, well peace. and if one of my friends decides to fuck me over, well peace. you're not going to find me calling you an hour later or answering your calls. i'm out. so be careful with what you decide to do/say. but only if that ever comes up, and i pray and hope it doesn't because i love everyone, and the way my life is going and the people in it way to much right now.
I AM SO GLAD ALL THAT SHIT IT DONE AND I NOW HAVE GOOD FRIENDS WHO CARE ABOUT ME AND HAVE MORALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love all of you!