Wicked Game, Chapter 45.
Chapter 45.
The day had come. The day Zowie had dreaded ever since one cold August afternoon long ago had dictated her life would never be the same again, was finally there.
The day Orlando left New Zealand. For good.
Zowie had spent so long trying to convince herself such moment would never come to happen, that seeing her worst fears become a reality was unbearable for her. In that moment, she regretted not having done so many things, not sharing with Orlando those secrets her heart knew he was worth of. Now it was much too late for any of that. Now he was leaving, and Zowie's life seemed on the brink of ending.
What would happen now? What would be of her with Orlando gone? Zowie had shared every possible minute with him in the past weeks, not wanting to be separated any longer than necessary. Leaving his side, even if only to make some sort of appearance at her house to keep her mother happy, seemed like the worst torture possible for Zowie. Why would she want to leave Orlando's side when she knew every second she spent away was a second that would never come back? Knowing their time was running out, realising it irrevocably slipped between her fingers, made Zowie feel like her own life was quickly sliding away.
Suddenly, all that had affected her until that moment seemed to take a turn for the worst. It became unbearable. What little strength she had once had to confront what troubled her had vanished, disappearing for good the moment she had stopped by Orlando's house to find him packing up. It had been such a shock, that Zowie hadn't been able to make the necessary connections. Stupidly, she had asked him whether he was going away with the Hobbits like many other times before, only to have Orlando giving her a confused look followed by an amused smile.
"Well, away as in England, yes. I'm leaving, remember? In just a couple of days."
Saying a bucket of ice cold water had been dropped on her couldn't have never described what Zowie had felt that day. The world suddenly stopped moving, and the finality in Orlando's words had frozen her heart and soul.
He was leaving. He was going back to England and, unlike his trip there for Christmas, Orlando wouldn't be back in two weeks. He was leaving, and that time, it was for good.
It had taken every ounce of willpower for Zowie to hold herself up and together that afternoon, and while it made her proud that Orlando hadn't noticed her shock or the panic quickly rising inside her, it had also torn her heart to pieces. All that time they had spent together, Zowie had diligently ignored the fact that, one day, Orlando would leave. That Orlando, the man she loved, the only one who cared for her, the one she had given her heart, soul and body to, would eventually return to his normal life on the other side of the world, while as for her... what would happen to her? What did Zowie have left of the life she had once known?
The answer was just as final as Orlando's departure: nothing. There was nothing left of the secure, stable life Zowie had been so comfortable in not long ago. Her family had crumbled down to pieces, no matter how hard Noemie tried to hold it together, and even Zowie's own life was nothing like it used to. Once healthy and sporty, she was now prisoner to the one thing that offered some relief to the omnipresent pain in her heart. She had vowed herself to quit it, but all the grief that surrounded her only made her habit worse. And now, with Orlando's impending departure only minutes away, Zowie would have gladly fallen in the arms of her fake solace... but she couldn't. Not with Brooke sitting at the feet of her bed with a concerned expression on her face.
"Talk to me, Zowie," she begged, dragging her back to reality. "You're not fine, so stop pretending."
Zowie sighed. She didn't feel like answering Brooke's question, but the look on her face was impossible to ignore: her friend wasn't going to take a no for an answer. And regardless of how much Zowie would have liked to remain silent and just dwell on how miserable her life was, she still met her friend's eyes, her own blue gaze dark with grief.
"He's leaving, B. I can't be fine when I don't know for sure when I'll see him again... if I ever do."
Voicing her worst fears slashed Zowie's heart, opening new, fresh wounds that only added to her overall depression. She didn't want to talk about it but knowing Brooke, she would have none of it. Ever since arriving in Wellington the night before to spend the holiday season with her family, Brooke had wanted to catch up with her best friend. Problem was, she soon discovered that the usually bright and full of life Zowie she had once known was long gone, replaced by merely a shadow of who she used to be. Putting two and two together wasn't hard, surely, and since then, Brooke had refused to leave her side, as if fearing Zowie could do something stupid.
Brooke sighed and moved closer to Zowie, ever mindful of the large box wrapped in yellow gift paper that laid on the bed. Orlando's favourite colour, Zowie had said. That was his farewell present, a scrapbook much like the one Zowie had made for Brooke some time ago. She was intrigued by it, but didn't feel like upsetting her friend any more than she already was with nosy questions.
Taking Zowie's cold hands in hers, Brooke sat down next to her friend, her eyes pleading on hers.
"You knew this would happen, Zow. You knew Orlando would leave at one point or another."
Angry, Zowie's eyes blazed in Brooke's direction.
"Is that supposed to make me feel any better? Because, honestly, it doesn't. It's not helping at all."
Closing her eyes, Brooke bit back the remark that struggled to leave her lips. She had imagined Zowie would be sad, upset, or even edgy, but that... aggressiveness, Brooke hadn't been ready for that. It was obvious that many things had happened while she was away, things she probably knew nothing of. For one, Brooke could understand how her parents' divorce could drive Zowie even closer to Orlando; it was only natural that, spending as much time together as Brooke knew they did, Zowie would turn to him when she needed someone, especially considering her own best friend was away.
Yet, there was something else in her actions, something entirely different than Zowie's obvious and everlasting adoration for Orlando. Something else had happened while she was away, and while Brooke would have loved to know exactly what that was, she had the feeling she wouldn't get any information right now, not while Zowie tried to unleash her frustration on whoever happened to be near her.
Brooke would stay, nonetheless. It was obvious Zowie needed her more than she let her know, and nothing would drive her away. She still hoped that, with time, when Zowie finally grew accustomed to the idea of Orlando leaving, when his parting became a distant memory and her life returned to normal, she would be able to look at the whole situation with, at least, a smile on her face. Not that Brooke couldn't see it happening any time soon, though.
Zowie was so focused on her grief, that she failed to notice the venom in her words. She was scared, terrified of what was about to happen and with such thoughts in mind, how could she even pay any attention to the way she dealt with Brooke? Honestly, all Zowie wanted from her friend was a companionable silence, maybe words that let her know that what she felt wasn't entirely wrong, but not rational statements she despised.
While Orlando leaving had been an undeniable fact that had loomed over her head probably since the very moment they had met, that didn't make that moment any more bearable. All that time Zowie had known that there was an expiration date, a deadline for Orlando's time in New Zealand, but she had chosen to either ignore it, or push it to the darkest corners of her mind as she tried to make the most out of their time together. Couldn't Brooke see that what Zowie needed were words such as 'this won't be the last time you'll see him', even when her heart feared the opposite? Zowie didn't want to be reasonable, neither did she want anyone else doing it for her. She needed to be reassured, but she wasn't getting any of it.
"Maybe we should get going," she murmured. "I don't want to be late."
Brooke nodded. They had more than enough time to drive to the airport and even wait there until Orlando arrived, but she decided to keep that to herself. Standing up instead, she went to Zowie's desk, picking the keys to her mum's car, which she had borrowed for the day. Then, staring at Zowie as she lovingly picked the package from her bed, Brooke's heart twisted at the sight her friend made.
It was heartbreaking. Zowie was taking that the worst possible way, and Orlando leaving was obviously the cherry on top of many other things that had happened to her that year. Guilt rose inside Brooke at the sight. She should have been there for Zowie when she had needed her the most, but what could she do? She couldn't drop out University, no matter how much she loved her friend! She was there now, though, and Brooke planned to devote that entire summer to spending time with Zowie. Perhaps, once they settled into some sort of routine, one that reminded them of the old days, Zowie would open up and tell her all those things Brooke didn't know about.
When Zowie looked up at her, Brooke could barely repress a shiver. Her friend's eyes held no life spark whatsoever and the sight was so terrifying, that Brooke closed the distance between them with alarmed eyes, taking Zowie in her arms for a tight, heartfelt hug.
"I'm here for you, you know that? We have all summer, and you know I'm a good listener."
Even in her anger and frustration, Brooke's words couldn't be ignored. Tears knotted Zowie's throat, but the long, open look they shared was enough. It wasn't easy for Zowie to think someone could understand what she was going through after dealing with her pain on her own for so long, but perhaps... perhaps Brooke could be the one she could trust in.
She knew it was a big change from her own behaviour from just minutes ago when all Zowie had wanted was for Brooke to disappear, but it was then that she realised how much she actually needed a friend, how much she needed someone to talk to. Perhaps Zowie would never be able to explain Brooke all that had happened during her absence; after all, Zowie couldn't picture herself discussing some of her choices with anyone, not even Brooke. But some things, she could definitely share them with her. Wasn't that what her mum had wanted all along, after all? For her to share her load with someone? Orlando had helped and so had Elijah, but Brooke had been with her for years, and knew more about Zowie than anyone else. Maybe it was time for her to trust someone.
When Zowie nodded, Brooke smiled. Showing the keys dangling from her finger, a smile spread her lips.
"Still want to do this?"
"Hell, yes!" Zowie's emphatic answer made Brooke grin. As if she could ever convince her of staying!
The day had come. The day Zowie had dreaded ever since one cold August afternoon long ago had dictated her life would never be the same again, was finally there.
The day Orlando left New Zealand. For good.
Zowie had spent so long trying to convince herself such moment would never come to happen, that seeing her worst fears become a reality was unbearable for her. In that moment, she regretted not having done so many things, not sharing with Orlando those secrets her heart knew he was worth of. Now it was much too late for any of that. Now he was leaving, and Zowie's life seemed on the brink of ending.
What would happen now? What would be of her with Orlando gone? Zowie had shared every possible minute with him in the past weeks, not wanting to be separated any longer than necessary. Leaving his side, even if only to make some sort of appearance at her house to keep her mother happy, seemed like the worst torture possible for Zowie. Why would she want to leave Orlando's side when she knew every second she spent away was a second that would never come back? Knowing their time was running out, realising it irrevocably slipped between her fingers, made Zowie feel like her own life was quickly sliding away.
Suddenly, all that had affected her until that moment seemed to take a turn for the worst. It became unbearable. What little strength she had once had to confront what troubled her had vanished, disappearing for good the moment she had stopped by Orlando's house to find him packing up. It had been such a shock, that Zowie hadn't been able to make the necessary connections. Stupidly, she had asked him whether he was going away with the Hobbits like many other times before, only to have Orlando giving her a confused look followed by an amused smile.
"Well, away as in England, yes. I'm leaving, remember? In just a couple of days."
Saying a bucket of ice cold water had been dropped on her couldn't have never described what Zowie had felt that day. The world suddenly stopped moving, and the finality in Orlando's words had frozen her heart and soul.
He was leaving. He was going back to England and, unlike his trip there for Christmas, Orlando wouldn't be back in two weeks. He was leaving, and that time, it was for good.
It had taken every ounce of willpower for Zowie to hold herself up and together that afternoon, and while it made her proud that Orlando hadn't noticed her shock or the panic quickly rising inside her, it had also torn her heart to pieces. All that time they had spent together, Zowie had diligently ignored the fact that, one day, Orlando would leave. That Orlando, the man she loved, the only one who cared for her, the one she had given her heart, soul and body to, would eventually return to his normal life on the other side of the world, while as for her... what would happen to her? What did Zowie have left of the life she had once known?
The answer was just as final as Orlando's departure: nothing. There was nothing left of the secure, stable life Zowie had been so comfortable in not long ago. Her family had crumbled down to pieces, no matter how hard Noemie tried to hold it together, and even Zowie's own life was nothing like it used to. Once healthy and sporty, she was now prisoner to the one thing that offered some relief to the omnipresent pain in her heart. She had vowed herself to quit it, but all the grief that surrounded her only made her habit worse. And now, with Orlando's impending departure only minutes away, Zowie would have gladly fallen in the arms of her fake solace... but she couldn't. Not with Brooke sitting at the feet of her bed with a concerned expression on her face.
"Talk to me, Zowie," she begged, dragging her back to reality. "You're not fine, so stop pretending."
Zowie sighed. She didn't feel like answering Brooke's question, but the look on her face was impossible to ignore: her friend wasn't going to take a no for an answer. And regardless of how much Zowie would have liked to remain silent and just dwell on how miserable her life was, she still met her friend's eyes, her own blue gaze dark with grief.
"He's leaving, B. I can't be fine when I don't know for sure when I'll see him again... if I ever do."
Voicing her worst fears slashed Zowie's heart, opening new, fresh wounds that only added to her overall depression. She didn't want to talk about it but knowing Brooke, she would have none of it. Ever since arriving in Wellington the night before to spend the holiday season with her family, Brooke had wanted to catch up with her best friend. Problem was, she soon discovered that the usually bright and full of life Zowie she had once known was long gone, replaced by merely a shadow of who she used to be. Putting two and two together wasn't hard, surely, and since then, Brooke had refused to leave her side, as if fearing Zowie could do something stupid.
Brooke sighed and moved closer to Zowie, ever mindful of the large box wrapped in yellow gift paper that laid on the bed. Orlando's favourite colour, Zowie had said. That was his farewell present, a scrapbook much like the one Zowie had made for Brooke some time ago. She was intrigued by it, but didn't feel like upsetting her friend any more than she already was with nosy questions.
Taking Zowie's cold hands in hers, Brooke sat down next to her friend, her eyes pleading on hers.
"You knew this would happen, Zow. You knew Orlando would leave at one point or another."
Angry, Zowie's eyes blazed in Brooke's direction.
"Is that supposed to make me feel any better? Because, honestly, it doesn't. It's not helping at all."
Closing her eyes, Brooke bit back the remark that struggled to leave her lips. She had imagined Zowie would be sad, upset, or even edgy, but that... aggressiveness, Brooke hadn't been ready for that. It was obvious that many things had happened while she was away, things she probably knew nothing of. For one, Brooke could understand how her parents' divorce could drive Zowie even closer to Orlando; it was only natural that, spending as much time together as Brooke knew they did, Zowie would turn to him when she needed someone, especially considering her own best friend was away.
Yet, there was something else in her actions, something entirely different than Zowie's obvious and everlasting adoration for Orlando. Something else had happened while she was away, and while Brooke would have loved to know exactly what that was, she had the feeling she wouldn't get any information right now, not while Zowie tried to unleash her frustration on whoever happened to be near her.
Brooke would stay, nonetheless. It was obvious Zowie needed her more than she let her know, and nothing would drive her away. She still hoped that, with time, when Zowie finally grew accustomed to the idea of Orlando leaving, when his parting became a distant memory and her life returned to normal, she would be able to look at the whole situation with, at least, a smile on her face. Not that Brooke couldn't see it happening any time soon, though.
Zowie was so focused on her grief, that she failed to notice the venom in her words. She was scared, terrified of what was about to happen and with such thoughts in mind, how could she even pay any attention to the way she dealt with Brooke? Honestly, all Zowie wanted from her friend was a companionable silence, maybe words that let her know that what she felt wasn't entirely wrong, but not rational statements she despised.
While Orlando leaving had been an undeniable fact that had loomed over her head probably since the very moment they had met, that didn't make that moment any more bearable. All that time Zowie had known that there was an expiration date, a deadline for Orlando's time in New Zealand, but she had chosen to either ignore it, or push it to the darkest corners of her mind as she tried to make the most out of their time together. Couldn't Brooke see that what Zowie needed were words such as 'this won't be the last time you'll see him', even when her heart feared the opposite? Zowie didn't want to be reasonable, neither did she want anyone else doing it for her. She needed to be reassured, but she wasn't getting any of it.
"Maybe we should get going," she murmured. "I don't want to be late."
Brooke nodded. They had more than enough time to drive to the airport and even wait there until Orlando arrived, but she decided to keep that to herself. Standing up instead, she went to Zowie's desk, picking the keys to her mum's car, which she had borrowed for the day. Then, staring at Zowie as she lovingly picked the package from her bed, Brooke's heart twisted at the sight her friend made.
It was heartbreaking. Zowie was taking that the worst possible way, and Orlando leaving was obviously the cherry on top of many other things that had happened to her that year. Guilt rose inside Brooke at the sight. She should have been there for Zowie when she had needed her the most, but what could she do? She couldn't drop out University, no matter how much she loved her friend! She was there now, though, and Brooke planned to devote that entire summer to spending time with Zowie. Perhaps, once they settled into some sort of routine, one that reminded them of the old days, Zowie would open up and tell her all those things Brooke didn't know about.
When Zowie looked up at her, Brooke could barely repress a shiver. Her friend's eyes held no life spark whatsoever and the sight was so terrifying, that Brooke closed the distance between them with alarmed eyes, taking Zowie in her arms for a tight, heartfelt hug.
"I'm here for you, you know that? We have all summer, and you know I'm a good listener."
Even in her anger and frustration, Brooke's words couldn't be ignored. Tears knotted Zowie's throat, but the long, open look they shared was enough. It wasn't easy for Zowie to think someone could understand what she was going through after dealing with her pain on her own for so long, but perhaps... perhaps Brooke could be the one she could trust in.
She knew it was a big change from her own behaviour from just minutes ago when all Zowie had wanted was for Brooke to disappear, but it was then that she realised how much she actually needed a friend, how much she needed someone to talk to. Perhaps Zowie would never be able to explain Brooke all that had happened during her absence; after all, Zowie couldn't picture herself discussing some of her choices with anyone, not even Brooke. But some things, she could definitely share them with her. Wasn't that what her mum had wanted all along, after all? For her to share her load with someone? Orlando had helped and so had Elijah, but Brooke had been with her for years, and knew more about Zowie than anyone else. Maybe it was time for her to trust someone.
When Zowie nodded, Brooke smiled. Showing the keys dangling from her finger, a smile spread her lips.
"Still want to do this?"
"Hell, yes!" Zowie's emphatic answer made Brooke grin. As if she could ever convince her of staying!