(no subject)
Stacie says:
well because
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
because of what stacie
Stacie says:
I saw this picture of this group of people that used to be my friends, and they all were happy and together, and im like "why the hell cant I be there?"
Stacie says:
its like nobody likes me anymore.
Stacie says:
and brb
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
okay
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
stacie, i highly doubt it that no one likes you anymore. you are one of the sweetest people out there.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
dont ever think that people odnt like you anymore..because that is not the truth. The more that you think that, the worse you are gonna feel
Stacie says:
but there are so many people who dont like me, and the rest of the people dont really care, and the ones that do dont really talk to me. and the ones that do leave me. akk....
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
if you really feel this way, talk to your friends, ask them whats going on, and let them know how you feel
Stacie says:
i have like...two friends
Stacie says:
lara and david.
Stacie says:
and mckenzie
Stacie says:
and these old friends
Stacie says:
theyve all changed so much, but THEY stuck together
Stacie says:
and its like...how did I get left out of that?
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
maybe its cause you dont go to the school anymore..
Stacie says:
its confusing because i wouldnt want to be tehre with them because they are all so ridiculous sometimes and there would be too much drama, but i miss having lots of friends.
Stacie says:
well, i know why, there were fights and stuff
Stacie says:
but everyone else had fights and got over them
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
why were there fights? what were they about?
Stacie says:
well everyone decided to take their lives down the wrong paths and I didnt approve, and the "leader" thought it meant I was judging her and didnt ever talk to me again
Stacie says:
and everyone pretty much does what she does
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i see
Stacie says:
then there is this guy who is just a jerk. and he acts like he likes me in front of my face and calls me a whore behind my back, but it s really only because I dont worship the ground that he walks on like everyone else does
Stacie says:
he is friends with shawna and emily, who are also my friends,s o now I have six friends
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
so you were trying to help them, help make sure that no one was going to hurt themselves, and with that they all started to hate you.
Stacie says:
but its not a group...
Stacie says:
yeah...pretty much
Stacie says:
no matter how much i know i did the right thing though, I still am an insecure teenager and I want to fit in and have a place to belong
Stacie says:
....it just gets tiring being "strong" and alone for a really long time
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i know..thats what everyone wants stacie. Everyone wants to fit in, everyone just wants to be loved. And if you arent gonna be yourself, then whats the point of living. Stacie, you need to be yourself still, no matter what people say. Even if you dont have as many friends as you want. I know, being the strong one all by yourself is hard
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
Stacie, the people who dont like you because of "who you are" are the really low and shallow ones. you cant stoop down to that level and be someone else, someone who you arent just to have your friends back. Have you ever thought about making new friends. Stacie, you are such an amazing person, there are so many people who would love to have the chance to get to know you, to talk to you, to be
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
your friend.
Stacie says:
well...yeah, and Im making new friends....unfortunately older ones who dont know how old i am... but its slow going, and I want to be really close with people.
Stacie says:
people from work and suck
Stacie says:
such*
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
well friendships take time, especially if you want them to be close.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
if you want them to be close and deep.
Stacie says:
I just have doubt that there is anyone who will ever really want to get that close to me, because no one ever has and the doubts and cynicism get amplified by hurt feelings and remembering old times i guess
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
are you afraid of meeting new people and telling them ALL about yourself.
Stacie says:
heck yes i am
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
afraid that they will not accept you
Stacie says:
because even the people tat know me best dont know all about me unless they read my blogs
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
and so therefore if you just continue to be friends with your old ones because they know you
Stacie says:
yeah, and because i cant leave the few people who actually like me
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
stacie, a lot of people like you..you just dont want to admit it
Stacie says:
a lot of people think that im a kick to be around, and that im funny, but there is hardly anyone that wants me to call them when im desperately lonely, and extremely depressed and even i dont know why
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
im sure that there are many people who want you to call them up when you need someone to talk to, when you are hurting, but they just wont admit that.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
im sure that a lot of your friends right now want you to do that..
Stacie says:
i wish...but like...lets go with each person. lara, lara is a lovely person and i love her to death, but she is always too involved in her latest love interest and not interested in trying to help someone feel better if it doesnt go away after a few minutes of talking.
Stacie says:
mckenzie. an amazing girl, love her to pieces, but she has even told me that she feels awakward trying to help someone feel better because she doesnt know what to sady
Stacie says:
say*
Stacie says:
david, love him more than i love pretty much anything, but he doesnt really understand a lot of the emotion that i have, nor does he know what to say, AND he feels awkward, plus, we just became friends again, and it would be awkward for me to just be like "hey, im pouring all my problems on you although weve just been friends for a little while and dont really takl anymore..."
Stacie says:
Emily-sweet kid, but doesnt know what to say, and has her own problems to worry aout. were not that close, and shes really just one of those people that thinks im a kick and nothing more
Stacie says:
shawna...she thinks so many things are awkward, and i know shed think of me differently, and i dont want her to think that, because no matter how depressed i get, im still funny, etc and she couldnt handle it
Stacie says:
and...thats it.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah that would be hard. Knowing that they feel akward talking about your problems, ow know that they just dont know what to say. EVERYONE has there own problems, but EVERYONE has time to listen. If they dont want to listen, and you just start talking about how hurt you are, how depressed you are, they will automatically start to realize that you are not just "stacie, the crack-up*
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
staceie, you need to go out on a limb..tell someone how you are feeling, and why.
Stacie says:
but I dont really KNOW why...and even talking to you, its like i have no reason to be but i am. and im really lonely, but thats awkward to say to a friend
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
Its hard because you dont want to be rejected, but that is a chance you are going to have to take.
Stacie says:
"hey, by the way, even though im sitting right here with you, im really really lonely."
Stacie says:
....last time i took that chance i ended up alone.
Stacie says:
i kind of would rather be sad and not know why than be completely alone
Stacie says:
when no one wants to talk to me
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
no its not, its not awkward to feel lonely for no reason. There is a reason, you just have to talk it out, and you will find out why you are lonely. I have been there. You feel like no one is around for you, no one wants to talk to you, no one cares about how you feel, but its not the truth. You just dont see how much people really do care for you. But for them, its just hard to show it.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
People hide behind someone who they arent, and i am sure that you have friends who do that, and they are like you, they dont want to talk about how they feel, about whats going wrong in their lives because they are afraid of rejection, just like you.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
you know what..you will NEVER be completely alone. There are many people who would NEVER let you go. Who love you to death, but are afraid to admit it, afraid to say that they want to help you.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
But i can assure you that you will never be alone.
Stacie says:
i kow youre right i just dont want to believe it
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i know..thats how i was too.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
but the longer you go not talking about it, even if you dont know what you are talking about, the more miserable and alone you are going to feel.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
if you dont talk about why you are feeling alone, lonely, sad, you are just going to feel more and more like that. You will just bottle it all up inside and eventually you are going to explode and do something stupid, or something that you would regret. Something not safe.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
and believe me you dont want to get to that point.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
its scary, and its scarier for you than it is for anyone else.
Stacie says:
yeah i know. ive been there before. and i guess its not that bad, im even feeling better.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
I know that you say that you dont know what you are sad and lonely about, but you really do, you just need to get it out.
Stacie says:
talking to you has helped a lot though
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
thats how i was, i felt like no one cared, and i was all alone, when really i had people all around me. I just wanted more from those people. But if you just sit down, and really think, REALLY THINK, think about everything, and anything that you have ever gone through, or something that has happened. Im sure you will find it out
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
but i want to let you know that you can always call me..always, ill always be here to talk to you, for no reason, or if you REALLY need to talk.
Stacie says:
youre so cool christy!!
Stacie says:
lol even though w dont talk that often, ive always thought you were pretty much the awesomest person ever
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
thanks..you are too..you really are.
Stacie says:
thanks!!
Stacie says:
so.....whats going on with you
Stacie says:
?
Stacie says:
anything new?
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
nothing much..nope..but im quite depressed
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
so..does kenzie like david? do you know
Stacie says:
yeah
Stacie says:
well...
Stacie says:
idont think i have her persmission to tell someone anything
Stacie says:
and the whole situation is complicated
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
okay..well yeah i thought that she liked him
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know a little bit..but anyways..
Stacie says:
dont tell anyone, but theyre fwb
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i knew that..
Stacie says:
k
Stacie says:
well its kinda hard to be fwb for any girl
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know
Stacie says:
in 88 % of the cases the girl likes the guy
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
your not gonna tell anyone this
Stacie says:
nooooo
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
but he wants to be fwb with me too..but i cant do that cause i am too attached to him emotionally
Stacie says:
I think he wants to be fwb with everyone.
Stacie says:
...sorry. i kinda dont like him...
Stacie says:
its a good decision not to get into that though, because he really just wants to be fwb and nothing more and that would pretty much kill you
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
but i was talking to him yesterday and he was like.."Christy i feel so sad, so mean, cause i know that i cant give you the relationship you want, because i dont think i like you in that way"
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know..thats why i cant do it..but you know what, it is really tempting cause its like..well ill be with him right..but really i wouldnt be..
Stacie says:
yeah! its horrible.
Stacie says:
you'll be right there, waiting for him to like you back, and sacrificing yourself in the process and he wont
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
he doesnt want to be more than friends with me..and that hurts, cause it seems like that is how it is with every guy i start to like..they just like me cause im an amazing girl, im easy to talk to, i state the truth, but they dont want to be anything more.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
and thats hard.
Stacie says:
and....youve gotta know, if hes fwb with mckenzie and WANTS to be fwb with you, even though he tells mckenzie he doesnt do/want to do that with anyone else....there have got to be plenty of other girls that he is doing that with
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah, i know, and that is why i cant be fwb cause it would hurt me wayy too much..
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know..i know..
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i mean he is a really sweet guy, he really is.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
if you really get to know him
Stacie says:
i dont want to sound mean but i really cant see that
Stacie says:
i mean, hes nice and friendly, but any guy that would do that to a girl doesnt seem nice to me
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah that is true.
Stacie says:
Its just that I know that you can get better
Stacie says:
you deserve better and you will get better
Stacie says:
and i dont want you to compromise your heart in the meantime
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i mean he talks to me..he really talks to me. not just about life, but about his problems, and hes like.."Christy i consider you one of my best friends, i can tell you anything, and i cant even tell everything to my best friend Kirsten"
Stacie says:
he and kirsten are probably fwb too, right?
Stacie says:
he probably wont be able to tell you those same things once you are
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i mean thats kool, but yeah i cant do the whole fwb thing..it would hurt me too much, especially because he would be the first guy i have ever really liked, and gotten close to dating..
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
if that makes sense
Stacie says:
yeah
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
no they arent friends with benefits..kirsten has a boyfriend, and cant stand david more than a friend.
Stacie says:
thats the whole premise behind fwb though, youre not more than friends.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i know.
Stacie says:
Ive never had a guy offer that
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah neither had i..until last night..
Stacie says:
so ive never really been in this situation, but i know that nothing good will come out of it
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
but really, i just want a relationship..a good one.
Stacie says:
mckenzies life is like...ruled by david
Stacie says:
yeah, and you deserve that
Stacie says:
anything else would be undeserving of you
Stacie says:
and i hate it hate it hate it when people tell me this, but you just have to wait
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i know..and i will
Stacie says:
like.... i waited for what seemed like forever, and i never got any male attention, then all of a sudden, its like... some guys just "got it"
Stacie says:
this all started happening this year too
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah, thats what happened to me too..
Stacie says:
there was adam...which..whoa. that one sucked, then everything went back to normal, and all of a sudden this month its like guys are giving me this attention that i never had before
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah..that would be kinda nice though.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
somedays
Stacie says:
its like a confidence booster...but at the same time kinda sucky because the one guy that id like to see me that way.....probably never will
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
what guy is that?
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
if you want to say
Stacie says:
well....david
Stacie says:
i dont love him like i did before, but...
Stacie says:
hes just so...amazing
Stacie says:
its hard to describe.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah.. i know what you mean
Stacie says:
and he is the only one who has ever really......beenthere/cared/been interested for how long he has
Stacie says:
and hes so smart and funny, and cute and blah blah blah
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know exactly what you mean stacie
Stacie says:
lol
Stacie says:
yeah. its just like....
Stacie says:
one day i was thinking to myself and i was like "could you really imagine marrying someone other than me?" because...i swear, its like... i dont know how to describe it, i dont really like him like i like other guys, but its like...it kinda feels like we belong together
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah..i know what you mean
Stacie says:
but he has never felt that way. hes just a really good friend and oblivious to anything else
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
well..maybe he just hasnt realized it yet
Stacie says:
the i know what you means are for your david?
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah
Stacie says:
sigh*
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
sad i know..
Stacie says:
I dunno christy, its hard and sounds mean for me to say this, and i know its hard to see once youre lost in the whole thing, but you deserve so much better than a guy who would ask for just your body and not your heart.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
but i have decided that i need to get over him..and move one..because i need more than just fwb
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i know..
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i need a guy who loves me, for me, for who i am, for what i want to become, for who i have been, for everything, not just for my body
Stacie says:
...those guys are fun to flirt with...but you need to be able to come home to talk to someone who cares about your heart.
Stacie says:
Yeah!
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yes i know
Stacie says:
i dont think ive ever been there though, but i do kind of understand how it could be desirable
Stacie says:
because hes the first guy to ever really pay you attention, right?
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah..it is
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
right.
Stacie says:
so its kind of like he may be the only one
Stacie says:
or something like that
Stacie says:
because so far he has been the only one
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
right..and thats exactly how i feel..its like hes the only one..im not gonna get anyother one, so why not just take the chance and try it, maybe he'll start to like me..but i know that i cant stoop to that level
Stacie says:
good, because tht is exactly what mckenzie thought/thinks
Stacie says:
i feel so bad for her because she is like...lost in this world
Stacie says:
and she thinks that he only does it with her, and they have a special relationship...and hes like....just using her. hes nice to her, but hes only using her.
Stacie says:
but the thing is he just wont grow to like you
Stacie says:
he gets what he wants out of the deal and youre left there empty. There are too many guys out there in the world that are like that
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i know..but like me..kenzie will always think that he will
Stacie says:
yeah! even though its proven over and over and over that he wont
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yup
Stacie says:
you deserve a better life than to live waiting for this guy to like you when he wont
Stacie says:
the worst part is that you will see him get married to someone else too
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
right..but to actually believe that is hard
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know
Stacie says:
its like the girls that are the "mistress" and think that hes leaving his wife for her
Stacie says:
...and he wont
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know
Stacie says:
it would be so much easier if I could just find a guy, show you to him and he falls in love
Stacie says:
some amazing wonderful christian guy
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
exactly..that would be good
Stacie says:
that wants to spend the rest of his life with you
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i know
Stacie says:
oh, and dont believe the first guy that tells you that
Stacie says:
just...as a precaution
Stacie says:
I always thought that th first guy to tell me that would be the one
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know
Stacie says:
...turns out no.
Stacie says:
man! men suck!!!!
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know
Stacie says:
ugh
Stacie says:
oh well
Stacie says:
we always have shoes, right
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
lol..i was totally just going to say that
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
no lie
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
lol
Stacie says:
lo
Stacie says:
l!
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
stacie, we are amazing
Stacie says:
I know it. we are the friggin coolest people ever
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yes we are..and you better believe that
Stacie says:
lol
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
or ill have to hunt you down and MAKE YOU BELIEVE IT
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
lol
Stacie says:
I think youre the coolest person ever and i think im pretty darned cool, but that people just dont know it
Stacie says:
ahhh
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
right
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
lol..
Stacie says:
mommyy!! christy is threatening me to like myself....
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
you better believe it
Stacie says:
I do. Hey, i gotta go get fixed up for the day cause im still in my pjs
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
oh and me too
Stacie says:
you are amazing!! and i love you!! and i hope you have a good day/life
Stacie says:
untill i talk to you again
Stacie says:
then i KNOW it will be good because im in it again
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i love you too..have a wonderful day
Stacie says:
thanks bye!
well because
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
because of what stacie
Stacie says:
I saw this picture of this group of people that used to be my friends, and they all were happy and together, and im like "why the hell cant I be there?"
Stacie says:
its like nobody likes me anymore.
Stacie says:
and brb
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
okay
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
stacie, i highly doubt it that no one likes you anymore. you are one of the sweetest people out there.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
dont ever think that people odnt like you anymore..because that is not the truth. The more that you think that, the worse you are gonna feel
Stacie says:
but there are so many people who dont like me, and the rest of the people dont really care, and the ones that do dont really talk to me. and the ones that do leave me. akk....
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
if you really feel this way, talk to your friends, ask them whats going on, and let them know how you feel
Stacie says:
i have like...two friends
Stacie says:
lara and david.
Stacie says:
and mckenzie
Stacie says:
and these old friends
Stacie says:
theyve all changed so much, but THEY stuck together
Stacie says:
and its like...how did I get left out of that?
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
maybe its cause you dont go to the school anymore..
Stacie says:
its confusing because i wouldnt want to be tehre with them because they are all so ridiculous sometimes and there would be too much drama, but i miss having lots of friends.
Stacie says:
well, i know why, there were fights and stuff
Stacie says:
but everyone else had fights and got over them
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
why were there fights? what were they about?
Stacie says:
well everyone decided to take their lives down the wrong paths and I didnt approve, and the "leader" thought it meant I was judging her and didnt ever talk to me again
Stacie says:
and everyone pretty much does what she does
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i see
Stacie says:
then there is this guy who is just a jerk. and he acts like he likes me in front of my face and calls me a whore behind my back, but it s really only because I dont worship the ground that he walks on like everyone else does
Stacie says:
he is friends with shawna and emily, who are also my friends,s o now I have six friends
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
so you were trying to help them, help make sure that no one was going to hurt themselves, and with that they all started to hate you.
Stacie says:
but its not a group...
Stacie says:
yeah...pretty much
Stacie says:
no matter how much i know i did the right thing though, I still am an insecure teenager and I want to fit in and have a place to belong
Stacie says:
....it just gets tiring being "strong" and alone for a really long time
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i know..thats what everyone wants stacie. Everyone wants to fit in, everyone just wants to be loved. And if you arent gonna be yourself, then whats the point of living. Stacie, you need to be yourself still, no matter what people say. Even if you dont have as many friends as you want. I know, being the strong one all by yourself is hard
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
Stacie, the people who dont like you because of "who you are" are the really low and shallow ones. you cant stoop down to that level and be someone else, someone who you arent just to have your friends back. Have you ever thought about making new friends. Stacie, you are such an amazing person, there are so many people who would love to have the chance to get to know you, to talk to you, to be
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
your friend.
Stacie says:
well...yeah, and Im making new friends....unfortunately older ones who dont know how old i am... but its slow going, and I want to be really close with people.
Stacie says:
people from work and suck
Stacie says:
such*
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
well friendships take time, especially if you want them to be close.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
if you want them to be close and deep.
Stacie says:
I just have doubt that there is anyone who will ever really want to get that close to me, because no one ever has and the doubts and cynicism get amplified by hurt feelings and remembering old times i guess
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
are you afraid of meeting new people and telling them ALL about yourself.
Stacie says:
heck yes i am
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
afraid that they will not accept you
Stacie says:
because even the people tat know me best dont know all about me unless they read my blogs
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
and so therefore if you just continue to be friends with your old ones because they know you
Stacie says:
yeah, and because i cant leave the few people who actually like me
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
stacie, a lot of people like you..you just dont want to admit it
Stacie says:
a lot of people think that im a kick to be around, and that im funny, but there is hardly anyone that wants me to call them when im desperately lonely, and extremely depressed and even i dont know why
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
im sure that there are many people who want you to call them up when you need someone to talk to, when you are hurting, but they just wont admit that.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
im sure that a lot of your friends right now want you to do that..
Stacie says:
i wish...but like...lets go with each person. lara, lara is a lovely person and i love her to death, but she is always too involved in her latest love interest and not interested in trying to help someone feel better if it doesnt go away after a few minutes of talking.
Stacie says:
mckenzie. an amazing girl, love her to pieces, but she has even told me that she feels awakward trying to help someone feel better because she doesnt know what to sady
Stacie says:
say*
Stacie says:
david, love him more than i love pretty much anything, but he doesnt really understand a lot of the emotion that i have, nor does he know what to say, AND he feels awkward, plus, we just became friends again, and it would be awkward for me to just be like "hey, im pouring all my problems on you although weve just been friends for a little while and dont really takl anymore..."
Stacie says:
Emily-sweet kid, but doesnt know what to say, and has her own problems to worry aout. were not that close, and shes really just one of those people that thinks im a kick and nothing more
Stacie says:
shawna...she thinks so many things are awkward, and i know shed think of me differently, and i dont want her to think that, because no matter how depressed i get, im still funny, etc and she couldnt handle it
Stacie says:
and...thats it.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah that would be hard. Knowing that they feel akward talking about your problems, ow know that they just dont know what to say. EVERYONE has there own problems, but EVERYONE has time to listen. If they dont want to listen, and you just start talking about how hurt you are, how depressed you are, they will automatically start to realize that you are not just "stacie, the crack-up*
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
staceie, you need to go out on a limb..tell someone how you are feeling, and why.
Stacie says:
but I dont really KNOW why...and even talking to you, its like i have no reason to be but i am. and im really lonely, but thats awkward to say to a friend
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
Its hard because you dont want to be rejected, but that is a chance you are going to have to take.
Stacie says:
"hey, by the way, even though im sitting right here with you, im really really lonely."
Stacie says:
....last time i took that chance i ended up alone.
Stacie says:
i kind of would rather be sad and not know why than be completely alone
Stacie says:
when no one wants to talk to me
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
no its not, its not awkward to feel lonely for no reason. There is a reason, you just have to talk it out, and you will find out why you are lonely. I have been there. You feel like no one is around for you, no one wants to talk to you, no one cares about how you feel, but its not the truth. You just dont see how much people really do care for you. But for them, its just hard to show it.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
People hide behind someone who they arent, and i am sure that you have friends who do that, and they are like you, they dont want to talk about how they feel, about whats going wrong in their lives because they are afraid of rejection, just like you.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
you know what..you will NEVER be completely alone. There are many people who would NEVER let you go. Who love you to death, but are afraid to admit it, afraid to say that they want to help you.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
But i can assure you that you will never be alone.
Stacie says:
i kow youre right i just dont want to believe it
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i know..thats how i was too.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
but the longer you go not talking about it, even if you dont know what you are talking about, the more miserable and alone you are going to feel.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
if you dont talk about why you are feeling alone, lonely, sad, you are just going to feel more and more like that. You will just bottle it all up inside and eventually you are going to explode and do something stupid, or something that you would regret. Something not safe.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
and believe me you dont want to get to that point.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
its scary, and its scarier for you than it is for anyone else.
Stacie says:
yeah i know. ive been there before. and i guess its not that bad, im even feeling better.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
I know that you say that you dont know what you are sad and lonely about, but you really do, you just need to get it out.
Stacie says:
talking to you has helped a lot though
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
thats how i was, i felt like no one cared, and i was all alone, when really i had people all around me. I just wanted more from those people. But if you just sit down, and really think, REALLY THINK, think about everything, and anything that you have ever gone through, or something that has happened. Im sure you will find it out
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
but i want to let you know that you can always call me..always, ill always be here to talk to you, for no reason, or if you REALLY need to talk.
Stacie says:
youre so cool christy!!
Stacie says:
lol even though w dont talk that often, ive always thought you were pretty much the awesomest person ever
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
thanks..you are too..you really are.
Stacie says:
thanks!!
Stacie says:
so.....whats going on with you
Stacie says:
?
Stacie says:
anything new?
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
nothing much..nope..but im quite depressed
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
so..does kenzie like david? do you know
Stacie says:
yeah
Stacie says:
well...
Stacie says:
idont think i have her persmission to tell someone anything
Stacie says:
and the whole situation is complicated
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
okay..well yeah i thought that she liked him
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know a little bit..but anyways..
Stacie says:
dont tell anyone, but theyre fwb
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i knew that..
Stacie says:
k
Stacie says:
well its kinda hard to be fwb for any girl
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know
Stacie says:
in 88 % of the cases the girl likes the guy
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
your not gonna tell anyone this
Stacie says:
nooooo
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
but he wants to be fwb with me too..but i cant do that cause i am too attached to him emotionally
Stacie says:
I think he wants to be fwb with everyone.
Stacie says:
...sorry. i kinda dont like him...
Stacie says:
its a good decision not to get into that though, because he really just wants to be fwb and nothing more and that would pretty much kill you
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
but i was talking to him yesterday and he was like.."Christy i feel so sad, so mean, cause i know that i cant give you the relationship you want, because i dont think i like you in that way"
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know..thats why i cant do it..but you know what, it is really tempting cause its like..well ill be with him right..but really i wouldnt be..
Stacie says:
yeah! its horrible.
Stacie says:
you'll be right there, waiting for him to like you back, and sacrificing yourself in the process and he wont
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
he doesnt want to be more than friends with me..and that hurts, cause it seems like that is how it is with every guy i start to like..they just like me cause im an amazing girl, im easy to talk to, i state the truth, but they dont want to be anything more.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
and thats hard.
Stacie says:
and....youve gotta know, if hes fwb with mckenzie and WANTS to be fwb with you, even though he tells mckenzie he doesnt do/want to do that with anyone else....there have got to be plenty of other girls that he is doing that with
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah, i know, and that is why i cant be fwb cause it would hurt me wayy too much..
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know..i know..
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i mean he is a really sweet guy, he really is.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
if you really get to know him
Stacie says:
i dont want to sound mean but i really cant see that
Stacie says:
i mean, hes nice and friendly, but any guy that would do that to a girl doesnt seem nice to me
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah that is true.
Stacie says:
Its just that I know that you can get better
Stacie says:
you deserve better and you will get better
Stacie says:
and i dont want you to compromise your heart in the meantime
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i mean he talks to me..he really talks to me. not just about life, but about his problems, and hes like.."Christy i consider you one of my best friends, i can tell you anything, and i cant even tell everything to my best friend Kirsten"
Stacie says:
he and kirsten are probably fwb too, right?
Stacie says:
he probably wont be able to tell you those same things once you are
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i mean thats kool, but yeah i cant do the whole fwb thing..it would hurt me too much, especially because he would be the first guy i have ever really liked, and gotten close to dating..
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
if that makes sense
Stacie says:
yeah
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
no they arent friends with benefits..kirsten has a boyfriend, and cant stand david more than a friend.
Stacie says:
thats the whole premise behind fwb though, youre not more than friends.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i know.
Stacie says:
Ive never had a guy offer that
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah neither had i..until last night..
Stacie says:
so ive never really been in this situation, but i know that nothing good will come out of it
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
but really, i just want a relationship..a good one.
Stacie says:
mckenzies life is like...ruled by david
Stacie says:
yeah, and you deserve that
Stacie says:
anything else would be undeserving of you
Stacie says:
and i hate it hate it hate it when people tell me this, but you just have to wait
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i know..and i will
Stacie says:
like.... i waited for what seemed like forever, and i never got any male attention, then all of a sudden, its like... some guys just "got it"
Stacie says:
this all started happening this year too
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah, thats what happened to me too..
Stacie says:
there was adam...which..whoa. that one sucked, then everything went back to normal, and all of a sudden this month its like guys are giving me this attention that i never had before
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah..that would be kinda nice though.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
somedays
Stacie says:
its like a confidence booster...but at the same time kinda sucky because the one guy that id like to see me that way.....probably never will
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
what guy is that?
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
if you want to say
Stacie says:
well....david
Stacie says:
i dont love him like i did before, but...
Stacie says:
hes just so...amazing
Stacie says:
its hard to describe.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah.. i know what you mean
Stacie says:
and he is the only one who has ever really......beenthere/cared/been interested for how long he has
Stacie says:
and hes so smart and funny, and cute and blah blah blah
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know exactly what you mean stacie
Stacie says:
lol
Stacie says:
yeah. its just like....
Stacie says:
one day i was thinking to myself and i was like "could you really imagine marrying someone other than me?" because...i swear, its like... i dont know how to describe it, i dont really like him like i like other guys, but its like...it kinda feels like we belong together
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah..i know what you mean
Stacie says:
but he has never felt that way. hes just a really good friend and oblivious to anything else
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
well..maybe he just hasnt realized it yet
Stacie says:
the i know what you means are for your david?
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah
Stacie says:
sigh*
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
sad i know..
Stacie says:
I dunno christy, its hard and sounds mean for me to say this, and i know its hard to see once youre lost in the whole thing, but you deserve so much better than a guy who would ask for just your body and not your heart.
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
but i have decided that i need to get over him..and move one..because i need more than just fwb
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i know..
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i need a guy who loves me, for me, for who i am, for what i want to become, for who i have been, for everything, not just for my body
Stacie says:
...those guys are fun to flirt with...but you need to be able to come home to talk to someone who cares about your heart.
Stacie says:
Yeah!
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yes i know
Stacie says:
i dont think ive ever been there though, but i do kind of understand how it could be desirable
Stacie says:
because hes the first guy to ever really pay you attention, right?
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah..it is
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
right.
Stacie says:
so its kind of like he may be the only one
Stacie says:
or something like that
Stacie says:
because so far he has been the only one
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
right..and thats exactly how i feel..its like hes the only one..im not gonna get anyother one, so why not just take the chance and try it, maybe he'll start to like me..but i know that i cant stoop to that level
Stacie says:
good, because tht is exactly what mckenzie thought/thinks
Stacie says:
i feel so bad for her because she is like...lost in this world
Stacie says:
and she thinks that he only does it with her, and they have a special relationship...and hes like....just using her. hes nice to her, but hes only using her.
Stacie says:
but the thing is he just wont grow to like you
Stacie says:
he gets what he wants out of the deal and youre left there empty. There are too many guys out there in the world that are like that
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i know..but like me..kenzie will always think that he will
Stacie says:
yeah! even though its proven over and over and over that he wont
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yup
Stacie says:
you deserve a better life than to live waiting for this guy to like you when he wont
Stacie says:
the worst part is that you will see him get married to someone else too
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
right..but to actually believe that is hard
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know
Stacie says:
its like the girls that are the "mistress" and think that hes leaving his wife for her
Stacie says:
...and he wont
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know
Stacie says:
it would be so much easier if I could just find a guy, show you to him and he falls in love
Stacie says:
some amazing wonderful christian guy
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
exactly..that would be good
Stacie says:
that wants to spend the rest of his life with you
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i know
Stacie says:
oh, and dont believe the first guy that tells you that
Stacie says:
just...as a precaution
Stacie says:
I always thought that th first guy to tell me that would be the one
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know
Stacie says:
...turns out no.
Stacie says:
man! men suck!!!!
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yeah i know
Stacie says:
ugh
Stacie says:
oh well
Stacie says:
we always have shoes, right
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
lol..i was totally just going to say that
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
no lie
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
lol
Stacie says:
lo
Stacie says:
l!
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
stacie, we are amazing
Stacie says:
I know it. we are the friggin coolest people ever
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
yes we are..and you better believe that
Stacie says:
lol
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
or ill have to hunt you down and MAKE YOU BELIEVE IT
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
lol
Stacie says:
I think youre the coolest person ever and i think im pretty darned cool, but that people just dont know it
Stacie says:
ahhh
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
right
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
lol..
Stacie says:
mommyy!! christy is threatening me to like myself....
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
you better believe it
Stacie says:
I do. Hey, i gotta go get fixed up for the day cause im still in my pjs
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
oh and me too
Stacie says:
you are amazing!! and i love you!! and i hope you have a good day/life
Stacie says:
untill i talk to you again
Stacie says:
then i KNOW it will be good because im in it again
Not Gonna Give Up!! says:
i love you too..have a wonderful day
Stacie says:
thanks bye!