(no subject)
Victim No More
He hurt me.
I didn't deserve it.
He didn't deserve me.
It effected me in quite the undesirable way. Not only did it hurt me, but it scarred me and scared me. I was afraid. For the longest time, anything that looked like him or sounded like him, or smelt like him, or in any sort of way reminded me of him scared me. I had to think to myself so many times, "am I afraid of him?" No, I'm not. I still hold firm in my belief that he wouldn't try to physically harm me. Although if he did, it wouldn't be hard to overpower him. I knew I wasn't afraid of him physically. The problem was that I couldn't figure out why I was afraid of him. I asked myself again today if I was afraid of him physically. I thought, "No, he didn't ever hurt me...." Then I realized that the hurt he caused me was worse than any physical harm he could have inflicted. He stole my heart and broke it. I was afraid that it would happen again. With him? No. Ha. No. But I was afraid that some man, much more handsome, much more christian, and just as emotionally unintelligent would come along and charm me into giving up my heart, just for him to play with and break after he got bored with it.
I am still relatively afraid of that, because it is a scary prospect. It's hard to recognize the situation before it's too late. And even when it's not, I like to stay involved. I have problems pulling out of any relationship.
I'm not just afraid of men and charming men. I'm just afraid of people. People who don't have their "stuff" together. Who don't know themselves or what they want. There are always redeeming qualities in these people that I fall in love with, and I try to become a part of them and their lives, and they end up causing me to implode from my heart. If I stayed on the outside, the pain that they cause wouldn't be a problem, but when I get really involved and on the inside, it sort of ruins me each time.
Unfortunately, I don't think there is a single person on the planet who has their stuff together.
So, my plan is to get over it.
It is over.
It is past.
I am present.
It is future.
And I can handle anything thrust my way.
I'm changing everything.
Rearranging my life.
I'm calling a redo
and you know what? This time I'm going to do it right.
I am fine.
I am better than fine.
I won.
I'm more than victorious.
I'm a conqueror
I deserve better
I'll get better
Because nobody can stop me.
HA!
TAKE THAT!
He hurt me.
I didn't deserve it.
He didn't deserve me.
It effected me in quite the undesirable way. Not only did it hurt me, but it scarred me and scared me. I was afraid. For the longest time, anything that looked like him or sounded like him, or smelt like him, or in any sort of way reminded me of him scared me. I had to think to myself so many times, "am I afraid of him?" No, I'm not. I still hold firm in my belief that he wouldn't try to physically harm me. Although if he did, it wouldn't be hard to overpower him. I knew I wasn't afraid of him physically. The problem was that I couldn't figure out why I was afraid of him. I asked myself again today if I was afraid of him physically. I thought, "No, he didn't ever hurt me...." Then I realized that the hurt he caused me was worse than any physical harm he could have inflicted. He stole my heart and broke it. I was afraid that it would happen again. With him? No. Ha. No. But I was afraid that some man, much more handsome, much more christian, and just as emotionally unintelligent would come along and charm me into giving up my heart, just for him to play with and break after he got bored with it.
I am still relatively afraid of that, because it is a scary prospect. It's hard to recognize the situation before it's too late. And even when it's not, I like to stay involved. I have problems pulling out of any relationship.
I'm not just afraid of men and charming men. I'm just afraid of people. People who don't have their "stuff" together. Who don't know themselves or what they want. There are always redeeming qualities in these people that I fall in love with, and I try to become a part of them and their lives, and they end up causing me to implode from my heart. If I stayed on the outside, the pain that they cause wouldn't be a problem, but when I get really involved and on the inside, it sort of ruins me each time.
Unfortunately, I don't think there is a single person on the planet who has their stuff together.
So, my plan is to get over it.
It is over.
It is past.
I am present.
It is future.
And I can handle anything thrust my way.
I'm changing everything.
Rearranging my life.
I'm calling a redo
and you know what? This time I'm going to do it right.
I am fine.
I am better than fine.
I won.
I'm more than victorious.
I'm a conqueror
I deserve better
I'll get better
Because nobody can stop me.
HA!
TAKE THAT!