Travails of the Sponsees
TJ gets out of the hospital today. He went in a little over a week ago for psych-related issues - I guess he was on the wrong meds or something. Last night at the meeting Gay Keith, a friend from the rooms, gave me a little more background on TJ. His father is abusive and commanding/demanding. Mom, as I knew previously, is suicidal (literally). Sisters are... well, semi-stable.
Mostly, though, Keith acknowledged that TJ is needy. Which is what I needed to hear myself, really, because it's hard to get that across to others, and so I almost feel guilty for disliking TJ at times. The fact that somebody else sees his leech-like behavior, though, is comforting. It helped to put a more definitive and objective label on his actions.
TJ and I are supposed to get together soon, probably tomorrow evening, for more step-work. I want to push him through 2 and 3, get him started on 4. I also want to have nothing to do with him. It's hard to explain how draining working with him can be. *I* want him to develop a thicker skin, to develop the capacity for independent thought and action, to find a backbone and use the damned thing. But I feel like that's not likely to happen. Actually, I feel like it's likely TJ will continue to find trivial reasons to drink even as we continue through his stepwork. I have little in the way of hope.
Southern Frank is... well, he's just plain a mess. He goes to jail for a short time coming up; he's living out of his car; he works, but rarely has money; his girlfriend ODed, recently. Southern Frank, as I was explaining to Two Times last night, is in the same sort of situation Two Times was in. He needs a place to stay, food, and steady, not-too-nuts employment. With the thousand and one things going on in his like, Southern Frank's head is always spinning, and because it's always spinning, he's always running from one crisis to the next.
I hate admitting this, but I'm worn out from working with Two Times to get his situation stabilized. Right now he has a place to stay, he's on a budget, he's fed, and he's working on his art and sobriety simultaneously - it's a really good spot. But it took forever to get to this point, and I don't know if I'm up to the challenge of doing it again.
KG is an entirely different story. I haven't heard from him in a couple weeks, when he asked for a ride and I discovered that not only had he broken up with his girlfriend (without telling me), but he had gotten together with a new one (contrary to what I told him regarding relationships). But he called yesterday to have me send his lawyer a letter stating what a good AA member he is. This leaves me a little torn, because (a) I don't want KG going to jail for a long time, since that wouldn't be helpful, and (b) I can't honestly say he's a good AA member because he hasn't called his sponsor in weeks, hasn't talked to me about his stepwork, has point-blank ignored my various suggestions, and appears to be running his own show.
I've decided that my letter isn't going to shave much time off his sentence. I'd rather keep my honesty and not play into his demands.
Two Times, of all my sponsees, is the one doing well. As mentioned previously he has stable housing, food, and is actually managing to save his money because he's on such a tight budget. He's painting away and happy with his work, and is about to start going to the gym. He's working on getting some teeth (finally!), and he's plugging away at his stepwork, although we haven't had much of a chance to sit down and read through his 8th and 9th step. But by the next sponsorship meeting dealy, coming up at the end of the month, he should be finished with his stepwork for this round and able to attend.
Myself? I'm exhausted. I haven't been at ALL in the mood to attend AA meetings. Part of me groans any time somebody cracks open a Big Book. If I don't hear about stepwork again it won't be too soon. I've been through phases like this in my sobriety before; they come and they go. This one is hitting particularly hard, though. I'm sick of AA, sick of meetings, sick of the gossip, sick of the lingo. I'm aching for a more normal life, where the people around me aren't so chaotic.
It never works out that way, but... there's always dreaming.
I should work now.
Mostly, though, Keith acknowledged that TJ is needy. Which is what I needed to hear myself, really, because it's hard to get that across to others, and so I almost feel guilty for disliking TJ at times. The fact that somebody else sees his leech-like behavior, though, is comforting. It helped to put a more definitive and objective label on his actions.
TJ and I are supposed to get together soon, probably tomorrow evening, for more step-work. I want to push him through 2 and 3, get him started on 4. I also want to have nothing to do with him. It's hard to explain how draining working with him can be. *I* want him to develop a thicker skin, to develop the capacity for independent thought and action, to find a backbone and use the damned thing. But I feel like that's not likely to happen. Actually, I feel like it's likely TJ will continue to find trivial reasons to drink even as we continue through his stepwork. I have little in the way of hope.
Southern Frank is... well, he's just plain a mess. He goes to jail for a short time coming up; he's living out of his car; he works, but rarely has money; his girlfriend ODed, recently. Southern Frank, as I was explaining to Two Times last night, is in the same sort of situation Two Times was in. He needs a place to stay, food, and steady, not-too-nuts employment. With the thousand and one things going on in his like, Southern Frank's head is always spinning, and because it's always spinning, he's always running from one crisis to the next.
I hate admitting this, but I'm worn out from working with Two Times to get his situation stabilized. Right now he has a place to stay, he's on a budget, he's fed, and he's working on his art and sobriety simultaneously - it's a really good spot. But it took forever to get to this point, and I don't know if I'm up to the challenge of doing it again.
KG is an entirely different story. I haven't heard from him in a couple weeks, when he asked for a ride and I discovered that not only had he broken up with his girlfriend (without telling me), but he had gotten together with a new one (contrary to what I told him regarding relationships). But he called yesterday to have me send his lawyer a letter stating what a good AA member he is. This leaves me a little torn, because (a) I don't want KG going to jail for a long time, since that wouldn't be helpful, and (b) I can't honestly say he's a good AA member because he hasn't called his sponsor in weeks, hasn't talked to me about his stepwork, has point-blank ignored my various suggestions, and appears to be running his own show.
I've decided that my letter isn't going to shave much time off his sentence. I'd rather keep my honesty and not play into his demands.
Two Times, of all my sponsees, is the one doing well. As mentioned previously he has stable housing, food, and is actually managing to save his money because he's on such a tight budget. He's painting away and happy with his work, and is about to start going to the gym. He's working on getting some teeth (finally!), and he's plugging away at his stepwork, although we haven't had much of a chance to sit down and read through his 8th and 9th step. But by the next sponsorship meeting dealy, coming up at the end of the month, he should be finished with his stepwork for this round and able to attend.
Myself? I'm exhausted. I haven't been at ALL in the mood to attend AA meetings. Part of me groans any time somebody cracks open a Big Book. If I don't hear about stepwork again it won't be too soon. I've been through phases like this in my sobriety before; they come and they go. This one is hitting particularly hard, though. I'm sick of AA, sick of meetings, sick of the gossip, sick of the lingo. I'm aching for a more normal life, where the people around me aren't so chaotic.
It never works out that way, but... there's always dreaming.
I should work now.