(no subject)
I tell myself I know what I'm doing. I can do this, I can follow through with this choice, the same way I've followed through with every other choice I've ever made.
I don't know why I'm second guessing myself this way. I check my totem and I know it's reality every time I check. Whatever else I could have done, I didn't do it and now I'm left with the mess of my choices. I don't know what I was thinking. No, scratch that. I wasn't thinking. I was reacting, not thinking, not planning, not remembering the big picture.
I need to stop doing that. This isn't what I wanted when I started out for Paris. I had plans, and I was certain I was going to do amazing things. Where the fuck did I go? How I change so much? This isn't who I was supposed to be when I left home. I'm stronger than this, I know I am. I build things. I supply details and I get it right and I know I can do better than this. I can do wonderful things, and wallowing in my friend's flat crying every night isn't going to get me anywhere.
It's time to fix things. I need to get started and do things again.
I don't know why I'm second guessing myself this way. I check my totem and I know it's reality every time I check. Whatever else I could have done, I didn't do it and now I'm left with the mess of my choices. I don't know what I was thinking. No, scratch that. I wasn't thinking. I was reacting, not thinking, not planning, not remembering the big picture.
I need to stop doing that. This isn't what I wanted when I started out for Paris. I had plans, and I was certain I was going to do amazing things. Where the fuck did I go? How I change so much? This isn't who I was supposed to be when I left home. I'm stronger than this, I know I am. I build things. I supply details and I get it right and I know I can do better than this. I can do wonderful things, and wallowing in my friend's flat crying every night isn't going to get me anywhere.
It's time to fix things. I need to get started and do things again.