some advice perhaps (emo post warning)
So.... depressed again. It happens. Alot.
I don't really need to go into a long rambling emo about why, but I'll put it shortly as I can:
I feel like a caged bird here.
Unable to be where I want to be. Trapped. Helpless and constantly longing for somewhere I can't be.
I'm not growing as a person here either, I'm always alone, I have friends here but most of the time it feels like I don't for all the amounts of time they actually talk to me.
Life generally is crap.
Sometimes I can be fine, but alot of the time I feel this way.
Usually it's set off by stumbling across the most random things, usually always on Facebook or Twitter or even here on LJ.
I'll see posts made by my UK friends online, conversations between my UK friends amoungst themselves, looking through photos of a get together I WOULD of been at had I not been stuck in Australia, etc.
One day I looked through a photo album of the most random get together at someone's house and almost burst into tears. The feeling of longing and hopelessness too much, and didn't do much for the rest of that day expect lay in bed.
Constantly being exposed to what my friends are up too, my friends that are so far away, friends that understand me and talk to me a hell of a lot more than any of my 'friends' here (or even my family) do.
It's too much.
So I'm half thinking of unfriending/unfollowing my UK friends.
As much as I love them all and want to see what they are up do and talk to them, I can't keep accidently making myself feel so hopeless and depressed because it isn't productive.
Or maybe I just need to slap myself and tell myself to 'toughen the fuck up' but it's kind of hard when the only people who seem to give 2 craps about me are thousands of miles away and even with skype, are never able to talk to me due to the stupid fail time difference.
I just wish my friends here would talk to me more, or at least act like they care enough about me to let me just 'talk' about this shit in my head and give some advice, or even just a hug.
Maybe I should see a counselor or something.
But again, that involves something which is the main part of the problem.... money.
Q_Q
I don't really need to go into a long rambling emo about why, but I'll put it shortly as I can:
I feel like a caged bird here.
Unable to be where I want to be. Trapped. Helpless and constantly longing for somewhere I can't be.
I'm not growing as a person here either, I'm always alone, I have friends here but most of the time it feels like I don't for all the amounts of time they actually talk to me.
Life generally is crap.
Sometimes I can be fine, but alot of the time I feel this way.
Usually it's set off by stumbling across the most random things, usually always on Facebook or Twitter or even here on LJ.
I'll see posts made by my UK friends online, conversations between my UK friends amoungst themselves, looking through photos of a get together I WOULD of been at had I not been stuck in Australia, etc.
One day I looked through a photo album of the most random get together at someone's house and almost burst into tears. The feeling of longing and hopelessness too much, and didn't do much for the rest of that day expect lay in bed.
Constantly being exposed to what my friends are up too, my friends that are so far away, friends that understand me and talk to me a hell of a lot more than any of my 'friends' here (or even my family) do.
It's too much.
So I'm half thinking of unfriending/unfollowing my UK friends.
As much as I love them all and want to see what they are up do and talk to them, I can't keep accidently making myself feel so hopeless and depressed because it isn't productive.
Or maybe I just need to slap myself and tell myself to 'toughen the fuck up' but it's kind of hard when the only people who seem to give 2 craps about me are thousands of miles away and even with skype, are never able to talk to me due to the stupid fail time difference.
I just wish my friends here would talk to me more, or at least act like they care enough about me to let me just 'talk' about this shit in my head and give some advice, or even just a hug.
Maybe I should see a counselor or something.
But again, that involves something which is the main part of the problem.... money.
Q_Q