feeling disconnected (warning: extreme bitching and Australia bashing)
So I've been home in Sydney for 2 weeks last Friday, after being in the UK for 6 months. And yeah.... I'm enjoying being back home but I miss being in the UK terribly with every waking second.
Being home is a good thing, don't get me wrong.
I love the comfort of it, the familarity, the easiness of it.
Also, after 6 months in almost poverty, being able to eat decent food that isn't bread or pot noodles, sleep in my own bed in my own room, and have money to actually buy things without having a job (oh centerlink how I've missed you) is something I love.
Also, it's nice to be around my parents again (most of the time) and spend time with my Australian friends again, but at the same time it all feels so different now.
So many things have changed in regards to my family and friends back here since I've been gone that I still feel slightly disconnected from life here.
I've left alot of friends back in England (including my two best friends in world who know me and understand me more than anyone else does, and I miss them completely) and while I love my Australian friends, many of them don't share the same interests as I do and well... it's just not quite the same.
But the main reason of my feeling of disconnection is my realisation of the feelings I have for my country, Australia itself. I don't really like Australia anymore, despite having lived here my entire life.
I've had 6 months away from it, going through one of the hardest and most life altering experiences I've ever had and it's just hammered home how un Australian I feel and how I feel like I don't belong in this country anymore.
The general "Australian" attitude:
Basically being called un Australian for not liking alcohol, sport, hot weather, going to the beach, going out to bars and clubs on the weekend or any of the other typical "Australian" things. Sorry, but doing any of things is not my idea of fun.
The sports crazy society
How sports people are elevated to celebrities, making the news for doing un sports related things.
Like NRL players getting in trouble for being drunken fuck heads. I DON'T CARE! If I have to watch one more news report about some football player in a fucking court case because he's got drunk/done drugs/got in a fight/paid for sex/abused his girlfriend or wife etc, I will scream.
The media especially, puts these people on pedestals, while other people who have actually made a worth wide contribution to the country or world (other than just being good at sport) get ignored.
The backwards society and government
It is getting better, but it's still backwards, especially the government. (Through hopefully with the new PM that might change.) The state of LGBT rights in this country makes me cry compared to what they are in the UK. Granted the UK aren't quite there either but they are still leaps and bounds ahead of Australia.
It's really in the media that you see how racist, sexist and homophobic this country still is.
And I hate it.
It's fucking HUGE country
Australia is HUGE! I love travelling, but travelling within Australia is so expensive because to get anywhere you either need a car (and lots of money for petrol) or money for plane tickets.
I loved how small the UK is, that you can travel the entire length of the country in about 12 hours (drive 12 hours away from where I live and you're not even in another state yet) also it's not in the ass end of the world, meaning you can travel to Europe and America without spending a fuck ton of money on plane tickets or travel for 24+ hours to get there.
Bloody nothing to do
Big one here. The lack of things to do that I enjoy.
The UK is a hot spot of all things that I love to do, and a lot of them cost little to no money to do them.
Theatre, Museums, Galleries, Conventions, Concerts, Live Music.... Australia virtually has no live pub music scene anymore (it was killed by pokie machines, which is another thing I hate about Australia, the excessive gambling) Going to Blue Gillespie gigs rekindled my love of live music that I had as a teenager.
I simply loved being able to watch unsigned and up and coming new local bands perform in such an intimate space. I miss it because I loved it and I can't find anything remotely similar in Sydney, even if I had friends here that would share my love of live music with me (which they don't) -_-
Plus being a fangirl in the UK is so much more enjoyable. For one, there's more than 1 or 2 cons a year and they are millions times better and more fun than any con in Australia that I've been to. I miss it all so much, words cannot express how much. Especially sharing all of those things with the friends I made through these events. It ain't fair.
Bogans
Maybe it was because I didn't come in much contact with many chavs (bogans are like an Australian chav) but I find bogans that more annoying than chavs.
Really doesn't help that the area I live in is down the road from a suburb that is virtually entirely made up of council housing (ie: estate) it makes me want to scream and jump into the pacific ocean and start swimming to get away from it all.
The weather
Yes, call me un Australia (lots of people do) but I hate warm weather. Lots of people asked me, once finding out that I was Australian, why I would want to live in the UK when the weather was so miserable. That's because it's too hot in Australia, all the time, save the few months of 'cold' weather we get in winter. I lived through summer in England and well, it got warm, sometimes hot, but never unbearable.
The idea that 30 degree was the hottest it either got in the UK (expect for the odd heat wave of 32 degrees *le gasp*) is something I loved about it.
The average summer day in Australia is 35 degrees + most of summer is in the 40s. Plus, autumn virtually doesn't exist anymore and the temps we have in winter rarely going below 10 degrees.
I like the cold. I love snow... and I can see myself alot more comfortable in the UK and it's 'horrible' weather. At least you have the option of escaping to France or Spain if it gets to cold in the winter for not that much money. You're pretty much stuck in the heat for 6 months of the year with no cheap escape in sight.
All the little things
-How behind technology is here to the rest of the world
-This so called 'internet filter'
-Crap commerical TV and it's never ending programming of American crap, reality bogan TV and lack of any good entertaining watchable Australian made drama
-Expensive food and other every day items
-No BBC! Yes this makes me cry, stupid region lock
-The time difference... I hate not being able talk to my UK and US friends without staying up all night. It gets awful lonely during the day on twitter.
Oh course, I don't hate everything.
I do prefer the health system here a hell of alot more than the UK health system.
(I had tonsillitis in England in April and wasn't able to see a doctor to get the medication I needed to make it go away without going through the long process of registering with a doctor and booking an appointment. By the time I had done all that, my tonsillitis had gone away on it's own, but not without nearly 2 weeks of absolute agony)
Just being able to walk into any doctor's surgery and see a doctor without making an appointment is something of utter joy.
I also do like how much cheaper transport is here, Australian rock music and the outdoor music festivals, Australian comedy and certain food stuffs, the Blue Mountains and the Central Coast and all the lovely scenery and places here, and of course, all the awesome wildlife.
I also love Sydney too, for all I bitch about it and I'm looking forward to exploring it again with fresh eyes when my friend from Blackpool comes to Sydney next year.
Granted I've only been home for 2 weeks, so my feelings might change... but I really feel like the UK is the country where my heart belongs, and where I belong.
I want to go back desperately and I think I might make the perement move over there in the future. (But NOT London, didn't like London... most likely will live either in Manchester or Cardiff)
As much as I love my family, and I really do, and my friends here, I just don't feel like I belong here anymore, I've changed, but Australia hasn't, and I want to go back to where I feel like I belong.
Being home is a good thing, don't get me wrong.
I love the comfort of it, the familarity, the easiness of it.
Also, after 6 months in almost poverty, being able to eat decent food that isn't bread or pot noodles, sleep in my own bed in my own room, and have money to actually buy things without having a job (oh centerlink how I've missed you) is something I love.
Also, it's nice to be around my parents again (most of the time) and spend time with my Australian friends again, but at the same time it all feels so different now.
So many things have changed in regards to my family and friends back here since I've been gone that I still feel slightly disconnected from life here.
I've left alot of friends back in England (including my two best friends in world who know me and understand me more than anyone else does, and I miss them completely) and while I love my Australian friends, many of them don't share the same interests as I do and well... it's just not quite the same.
But the main reason of my feeling of disconnection is my realisation of the feelings I have for my country, Australia itself. I don't really like Australia anymore, despite having lived here my entire life.
I've had 6 months away from it, going through one of the hardest and most life altering experiences I've ever had and it's just hammered home how un Australian I feel and how I feel like I don't belong in this country anymore.
The general "Australian" attitude:
Basically being called un Australian for not liking alcohol, sport, hot weather, going to the beach, going out to bars and clubs on the weekend or any of the other typical "Australian" things. Sorry, but doing any of things is not my idea of fun.
The sports crazy society
How sports people are elevated to celebrities, making the news for doing un sports related things.
Like NRL players getting in trouble for being drunken fuck heads. I DON'T CARE! If I have to watch one more news report about some football player in a fucking court case because he's got drunk/done drugs/got in a fight/paid for sex/abused his girlfriend or wife etc, I will scream.
The media especially, puts these people on pedestals, while other people who have actually made a worth wide contribution to the country or world (other than just being good at sport) get ignored.
The backwards society and government
It is getting better, but it's still backwards, especially the government. (Through hopefully with the new PM that might change.) The state of LGBT rights in this country makes me cry compared to what they are in the UK. Granted the UK aren't quite there either but they are still leaps and bounds ahead of Australia.
It's really in the media that you see how racist, sexist and homophobic this country still is.
And I hate it.
It's fucking HUGE country
Australia is HUGE! I love travelling, but travelling within Australia is so expensive because to get anywhere you either need a car (and lots of money for petrol) or money for plane tickets.
I loved how small the UK is, that you can travel the entire length of the country in about 12 hours (drive 12 hours away from where I live and you're not even in another state yet) also it's not in the ass end of the world, meaning you can travel to Europe and America without spending a fuck ton of money on plane tickets or travel for 24+ hours to get there.
Bloody nothing to do
Big one here. The lack of things to do that I enjoy.
The UK is a hot spot of all things that I love to do, and a lot of them cost little to no money to do them.
Theatre, Museums, Galleries, Conventions, Concerts, Live Music.... Australia virtually has no live pub music scene anymore (it was killed by pokie machines, which is another thing I hate about Australia, the excessive gambling) Going to Blue Gillespie gigs rekindled my love of live music that I had as a teenager.
I simply loved being able to watch unsigned and up and coming new local bands perform in such an intimate space. I miss it because I loved it and I can't find anything remotely similar in Sydney, even if I had friends here that would share my love of live music with me (which they don't) -_-
Plus being a fangirl in the UK is so much more enjoyable. For one, there's more than 1 or 2 cons a year and they are millions times better and more fun than any con in Australia that I've been to. I miss it all so much, words cannot express how much. Especially sharing all of those things with the friends I made through these events. It ain't fair.
Bogans
Maybe it was because I didn't come in much contact with many chavs (bogans are like an Australian chav) but I find bogans that more annoying than chavs.
Really doesn't help that the area I live in is down the road from a suburb that is virtually entirely made up of council housing (ie: estate) it makes me want to scream and jump into the pacific ocean and start swimming to get away from it all.
The weather
Yes, call me un Australia (lots of people do) but I hate warm weather. Lots of people asked me, once finding out that I was Australian, why I would want to live in the UK when the weather was so miserable. That's because it's too hot in Australia, all the time, save the few months of 'cold' weather we get in winter. I lived through summer in England and well, it got warm, sometimes hot, but never unbearable.
The idea that 30 degree was the hottest it either got in the UK (expect for the odd heat wave of 32 degrees *le gasp*) is something I loved about it.
The average summer day in Australia is 35 degrees + most of summer is in the 40s. Plus, autumn virtually doesn't exist anymore and the temps we have in winter rarely going below 10 degrees.
I like the cold. I love snow... and I can see myself alot more comfortable in the UK and it's 'horrible' weather. At least you have the option of escaping to France or Spain if it gets to cold in the winter for not that much money. You're pretty much stuck in the heat for 6 months of the year with no cheap escape in sight.
All the little things
-How behind technology is here to the rest of the world
-This so called 'internet filter'
-Crap commerical TV and it's never ending programming of American crap, reality bogan TV and lack of any good entertaining watchable Australian made drama
-Expensive food and other every day items
-No BBC! Yes this makes me cry, stupid region lock
-The time difference... I hate not being able talk to my UK and US friends without staying up all night. It gets awful lonely during the day on twitter.
Oh course, I don't hate everything.
I do prefer the health system here a hell of alot more than the UK health system.
(I had tonsillitis in England in April and wasn't able to see a doctor to get the medication I needed to make it go away without going through the long process of registering with a doctor and booking an appointment. By the time I had done all that, my tonsillitis had gone away on it's own, but not without nearly 2 weeks of absolute agony)
Just being able to walk into any doctor's surgery and see a doctor without making an appointment is something of utter joy.
I also do like how much cheaper transport is here, Australian rock music and the outdoor music festivals, Australian comedy and certain food stuffs, the Blue Mountains and the Central Coast and all the lovely scenery and places here, and of course, all the awesome wildlife.
I also love Sydney too, for all I bitch about it and I'm looking forward to exploring it again with fresh eyes when my friend from Blackpool comes to Sydney next year.
Granted I've only been home for 2 weeks, so my feelings might change... but I really feel like the UK is the country where my heart belongs, and where I belong.
I want to go back desperately and I think I might make the perement move over there in the future. (But NOT London, didn't like London... most likely will live either in Manchester or Cardiff)
As much as I love my family, and I really do, and my friends here, I just don't feel like I belong here anymore, I've changed, but Australia hasn't, and I want to go back to where I feel like I belong.