GTFO Drama Llama T_T
*warning major bawwwwwww emo post below.... I just had to vent somewhere my parents won't see*
So life is pretty shit right now.
Once I left home (Australia) and came here (UK), everything in my life back home changes without me.
My aunt and uncle have split up, with another aunt and uncle maybe splitting up as well. Some of my friends have broken up with their boyfriends/girlfriends, or moved on or changed in some shape or form. I almost feel as through my life back home is changing without me.
I feel quite often like I'm missing so much back home, and for what?
I still have no job and no home here in the UK, living from day to day out of my suitcase, starving and pennyless. I've lost at least 7 kgs (I think) in 3 months just from pure starvation, having to walk everywhere, utter stress and constant crying.
My parents have given me so much money that I despair ever paying them back, and I always need more and more to be able to eat and get to job interviews.
Then there's the very real problem of becoming homeless very soon, or continuing to leech off people by sleeping on their floors/sofas/bed. I have only 1 week in the place I am now before I either have to sleep in the attic or to sleep on my friends floor... but then what, what happens next if my friends have to kick me out and still don't have a job by the time that happens.
I just feel like it's not going to change and that I'll have to give up and fly home early... and I really really don't want too. I feel if I do that I'll hate myself forever for giving up, for failing.... and that's not why I came over here for. I came over here to travel, to experience the country of my heritage, where my father came from, to live and be happy and make new friends, yet I simply cannot do anything or go anywhere, and after 3 months it's starting to send me completely insane and make me feel utterly depressed.
I at least want to last here long enough to be able to go to Cardiff in early August, if I don't manage to do anything else at all, I want to do that (and try and ask my parents to make it all an early birthday present)
I owe so many people so much money I don't know what to do anymore... I apply for nearly 100 jobs virtually everyday, yet I can't seem to find anything. It's getting to the stage where I'm constantly depressed and so scared fucking shitless every waking hour.
I need my fandoms and my friends right now to escape the waking nightmare that is my life.
Please send me good thoughts and all the positive energy you can spare.
So life is pretty shit right now.
Once I left home (Australia) and came here (UK), everything in my life back home changes without me.
My aunt and uncle have split up, with another aunt and uncle maybe splitting up as well. Some of my friends have broken up with their boyfriends/girlfriends, or moved on or changed in some shape or form. I almost feel as through my life back home is changing without me.
I feel quite often like I'm missing so much back home, and for what?
I still have no job and no home here in the UK, living from day to day out of my suitcase, starving and pennyless. I've lost at least 7 kgs (I think) in 3 months just from pure starvation, having to walk everywhere, utter stress and constant crying.
My parents have given me so much money that I despair ever paying them back, and I always need more and more to be able to eat and get to job interviews.
Then there's the very real problem of becoming homeless very soon, or continuing to leech off people by sleeping on their floors/sofas/bed. I have only 1 week in the place I am now before I either have to sleep in the attic or to sleep on my friends floor... but then what, what happens next if my friends have to kick me out and still don't have a job by the time that happens.
I just feel like it's not going to change and that I'll have to give up and fly home early... and I really really don't want too. I feel if I do that I'll hate myself forever for giving up, for failing.... and that's not why I came over here for. I came over here to travel, to experience the country of my heritage, where my father came from, to live and be happy and make new friends, yet I simply cannot do anything or go anywhere, and after 3 months it's starting to send me completely insane and make me feel utterly depressed.
I at least want to last here long enough to be able to go to Cardiff in early August, if I don't manage to do anything else at all, I want to do that (and try and ask my parents to make it all an early birthday present)
I owe so many people so much money I don't know what to do anymore... I apply for nearly 100 jobs virtually everyday, yet I can't seem to find anything. It's getting to the stage where I'm constantly depressed and so scared fucking shitless every waking hour.
I need my fandoms and my friends right now to escape the waking nightmare that is my life.
Please send me good thoughts and all the positive energy you can spare.