I'm Freaking Out!!
I feel so stupid. I need to learn to ask questions and then take the answers in stride. I wish I could just figure things out. It makes me so upset and I can't tell people I can't explain my disappointment. I wish people would do things according to my values and I know that it's ridiculous to expect that of people especially when things that have happened are entirely in the past. I just feel so unsafe now. I don't know how to explain it. It's like I'll never feel the same again. I almost wish I didn't know but I do so how can I forget or not care. I hate how I let things affect me but I can't change who I am or how I feel. Can I go back in time and slow myself down. Can I get rid of my mistakes and others? I know I can't I can only wish that I could. I need to go to the doctor. It's the only way that I can actually feel better I think. I can't tell anyone because that could be potentially dangerous to my well-being. I'd hate to place myself in that situation or anyone else for that matter. There's only one person that I can talk to and even they don't completely understand the magnitude of the situation. I'm afraid of what could happen to me. There's nothing I can do to change that now though. I've taken too many chances. Too many liberties. It has to stop. I need to ask some questions. I'm not good at that though especially when the topic is difficult for me. What am I going to do? Someone tell me what to do please. Make it all all the problems, changes, hurting, and fear just go away. Please. Just tell me what to do. Well I'm going away now so I'll attempt to write again soon. Later.