(no subject)
OK..so you know the 100 facts about Chuck Norris.....well there are some Jack Bauer ones. I just HAVE to post some of them because I was laughing so hard I nearly peed myself!
There are two hands that can beat a royal flush. Jack Bauer's right hand and Jack Bauer's left hand.
The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
Jack Bauer once showed up late for work. CTU adjusted their clocks accordingly.
On Jack Bauer's Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependents.
Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is heart attack from hearing Jack Bauer is coming for them.
If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
Jack Bauer was once charged with attempted murder in Los Angeles County, but the judge dropped all charges because Jack Bauer never "attempts" murder.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
When Santa Claus asked Jack Bauer what he wanted for Christmas, he snapped his neck. No one interrogates Jack Bauer and gets away with it.
If a suspect mentions your name, while being interrogated by Jack Bauer, you have a 3.26% chance of surviving the next 3 hours.
Alex Trebek once asked Jack Bauer the question, "What's your idea of a perfect game show?" He replied with, "I'm the contestant and I ask the questions around here." Jeopardy was born at that moment.
Jack Bauer doesn't have a refresh button on his web browser. All events take place in real time.
If Jack Bauer needs backup, he looks in a mirror.
Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
Jack Bauer can break anyone and anything, but he will always break the protocol first.
Jack Bauer doesn't ground Kim, he teaches her a lesson by allowing her to be kidnapped by terrorists.
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
Dr House once told Jack Bauer that "House" could kick 24's ass. Notice how House now walks with a limp.
The Jack Bauer action figure shot Barbie in the knee to get Ken to talk about GI Joe.
When Jack Bauer is chasing you, you can run. But you'll only die tired.
Jack Bauer can keep a person trapped in a phone booth for hours with his voice alone.
Peace is not an absence of war, it's an abundance of Jack Bauer.
The Army stopped recruiting when they realized Jack Bauer was in fact the army of one they had been looking for.
This bag is not a toy. It is a torture device used by Jack Bauer.
Not only can Jack Bauer divide by 0, he knows the value of the square root of negative one, the last 4 digits of pi and the Colonel's secret blend of herbs and spices.
The only time Jack Bauer looks Death in the eye is when he's looking in a mirror.
"The valley of the shadow of death", refers to anywhere within a 25 mile radius of Jack Bauer.
If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.
MacGyver uses everyday items to save people; Jack Bauer uses everyday items to kill them.
If you have a headache, it's because Jack Bauer is thinking about you.
Jack's favorite game show is Jeopardy, because they give him the answers before he even has to ask the questions.
Chuck Norris once sent Jack Bauer a Total Gym. Jack promptly returned it with the bullet-ridden corpse of a terrorist, as well as a note that had been stapled to the man's chest. It read, "This is what I do to workout."
You are going to tell Jack Bauer what he wants to know, it's just a question of how much you want it to hurt.