Brrrrr it's coooooooold
omg it's cold! Weather.com says it's 26* but feels like 15* Fuck that! I like the cold but not the fucking cold. My back and neck hurt a lot too. That happens when the weather changes a lot. I'm like a fuckin old lady with arthritis. I'll probably get arthritis. My grandma, mom and both aunts have it 
I know I haven't written in forever. At the end of September I started getting depressed. Then it got worse and worse and worse. Nothing happened to cause the depression it just came out of fuckin no where. I was in Austin and happy to get to see all my friends and it just happened. I came back home and just felt shitty. It was hard for me to do simple tasks like take a shower or get out of bed. My anxiety was horrible, I'd have panic attacks if the fucking phone rang and was terrified to go out into public or talk to anyone. I saw my psychiatrist and he put me on Geodon. I read about it and it's for mania and mixed episodes. I had no mania, I was fucking depressed. I stayed on it for over a month and it didn't do shit. He put me on Buspar for the anxiety and it also didn't do shit. Like 3 weeks ago he put me on Trileptol and Seroquel and I didn't notice any difference. Xanax has been the only thing that ever helped my anxiety but with the Geodon it pretty much made me pass out. I quit the buspar cuz it didn't help at all. About a week ago I started feeling better. I didn't think about dying and killing myself 24/7. I'm glad that went away it was really starting to scare me. I tried taking xanax again and it no longer makes me pass out. I'm so glad because my anxiety and social anxiety is so terrible. I went Christmas shopping with my mom today and was in a good mood all day
I had completely forgotten what it's like to be happy, or at least not miserable. Fuck bipolar and fuck depression and fuck anxiety. It scares me how worthless I become. At least I wasn't working or in school because I would have probably fucked those things up big time because how completely disabled I was.
So anyways, I'm really hoping my mood stays like this. I'm scared about getting depressed again. I know it will happen because thats how bipolar is
When I'm like that NOTHING helps or makes me feel better except being asleep. I finally have a really good psychologist now tho. She's helped me a lot. We've been doing cognitive therapy to help me deal with social anxiety and get me to stop having irrational thoughts about being terrified to be around people. I'm glad I'm feeling better because I have a date tomorrow
This will be my first social event in months. I'm kinda nervous but excited. Then on Saturday my mom and I are going to the annual Parrot Head Christmas party. I have been freaking out about that since I found out about it but I think I'll be able to handle it. Plus there will be booze and booze always makes it easier to be social
Hmmm so that's everything in a huge nutshell lol. I think I'm gonna go shopping with Adam on Monday. I am retarded and spent money I didn't have a long time ago on stuff at Express and then lost the receipt so I could only get a store gift card. I lost it then recently found it so I'm gonna get some stylish warm clothes which I desperately need. I also am going to try getting the right size lip ring for like the 5th time. kthxbye
I know I haven't written in forever. At the end of September I started getting depressed. Then it got worse and worse and worse. Nothing happened to cause the depression it just came out of fuckin no where. I was in Austin and happy to get to see all my friends and it just happened. I came back home and just felt shitty. It was hard for me to do simple tasks like take a shower or get out of bed. My anxiety was horrible, I'd have panic attacks if the fucking phone rang and was terrified to go out into public or talk to anyone. I saw my psychiatrist and he put me on Geodon. I read about it and it's for mania and mixed episodes. I had no mania, I was fucking depressed. I stayed on it for over a month and it didn't do shit. He put me on Buspar for the anxiety and it also didn't do shit. Like 3 weeks ago he put me on Trileptol and Seroquel and I didn't notice any difference. Xanax has been the only thing that ever helped my anxiety but with the Geodon it pretty much made me pass out. I quit the buspar cuz it didn't help at all. About a week ago I started feeling better. I didn't think about dying and killing myself 24/7. I'm glad that went away it was really starting to scare me. I tried taking xanax again and it no longer makes me pass out. I'm so glad because my anxiety and social anxiety is so terrible. I went Christmas shopping with my mom today and was in a good mood all day
I had completely forgotten what it's like to be happy, or at least not miserable. Fuck bipolar and fuck depression and fuck anxiety. It scares me how worthless I become. At least I wasn't working or in school because I would have probably fucked those things up big time because how completely disabled I was.
So anyways, I'm really hoping my mood stays like this. I'm scared about getting depressed again. I know it will happen because thats how bipolar is
When I'm like that NOTHING helps or makes me feel better except being asleep. I finally have a really good psychologist now tho. She's helped me a lot. We've been doing cognitive therapy to help me deal with social anxiety and get me to stop having irrational thoughts about being terrified to be around people. I'm glad I'm feeling better because I have a date tomorrow
This will be my first social event in months. I'm kinda nervous but excited. Then on Saturday my mom and I are going to the annual Parrot Head Christmas party. I have been freaking out about that since I found out about it but I think I'll be able to handle it. Plus there will be booze and booze always makes it easier to be social
Hmmm so that's everything in a huge nutshell lol. I think I'm gonna go shopping with Adam on Monday. I am retarded and spent money I didn't have a long time ago on stuff at Express and then lost the receipt so I could only get a store gift card. I lost it then recently found it so I'm gonna get some stylish warm clothes which I desperately need. I also am going to try getting the right size lip ring for like the 5th time. kthxbye