bizarre saturday
Well, it really started friday night where i learned how to do shots without using my hands....at work (is this really allowed). Stick your mouth around the shot glass, pick it up with your lips, and knock it back. It seemed so simple. After many shots, lots of wine, and I think a beer or 2...we went out. Food, of course, seemed like a bad idea, and somehow another drunken night was spent wondering from bar to bar around the city. A friend of mine had just broken up with her boy friend so the main goal of the evening was to keep her entertained. She started puking around midnight and was sent home. The rest of us continued on for a few more hours until we realised we had accomplished our goal and could go home.
Saturday afternoon, I get a call from one of the folks from the night before. She asked, "What's your plan for tonight?".
Me: "I don't know".
Her: "Well now you do. We're all coming over to your place for beer and pizza."
Me: "One problem. There is no place to sit here."
Her: "Well, you better solve that. We'll be over around 7pm"
Me: "OK"
So, I get out of bed and walk to IKEA (about a 20 minute walk). I find a table (really 2 tables) and chairs and a few extra chairs. Perfect. I load up the IKEA trolley and head to the check-outs. After the check-outs, I go to the delivery desk...delivery won't happen until Monday or Tuesday (not a good option for my looming house-guests - 3 of which have fucking cars). I call a cab, "um, I'd like a taxi, a big one, to come and pick me up at the ikea parcel pick-up place". They say to me, "We won't deliver furniture". I say, "I just want them to deliver me. I have a few boxes, but I can carry them." They connect me to the handi-capp taxi service (american = handicapped?). I say, "Hello, I would like a large taxi to come get me and a few boxes." I get the same response about furniture delivery, but after assuring them that I was going to carry everything, they said they would send a car. 20 minutes go by and no cab. I call back. "Oh, we are having trouble locating a large taxi, can we send a small one?" I say sure, figuring I'll work out how to fit all of the stuff when the cab gets there. A few minutes later the taxi pulls up and the driver actually helps me load stuff (not much different than when I travel to the airport). He drives me to my place, and on the way we have the following ridiculous conversation.
Taxidriver (T): So where are your friends? Why aren't they helping you?
Me: They are coming over later for pizza.
T: Where is your boyfriend?
Me: What boyfriend? ...Oh, no boyfriend. I don't have one.
T: We should change that
Me: Huh? (not really thinking about what he said)
T: I think you need somebody 27 or 28.
Me: Holy shit, how did you know i was about to turn 28...that's amazing. My birthday is next week.
T: He should also be taller than you. Maybe 6 foot 1.
Me: Yeah, I'm kind of tall (and not really paying any attention to the conversation - to busy plotting the evening)
T: So, what happened to your last boyfriend?
Me: I work too much. People don't like to be in relationships with people that work so much (at this point - I realise what's going on as I look over and see a 6 foot 1, 28 year old, completely clueless cab driver...don't i look gay?)
T: I work 15 hours a day.
Me: That's terrific (Please get me out of this car)
T: That went straight over your head.
Me: Yes, it did (Now, I see why some women play stupid)
...(now we are getting close to my house..)
T: So, how are you going to get all of this stuff up-stairs?
Me: I need the exercise.
T: I can help you.
Me: That's OK. It'll be kind of fun (yeah right)
T: So, how about I get a few bottles of wine, i come by and we hang out some time.
Me: I don't think so... I think we are after completely different things (actually, ironically, we are probably after the same thing).
T: What do you think I am after?
Me: I don't know, but it has to be different than what I am looking for...(kind of)
The scary thing is that this is not the first time this has happened. The other scary thing, is that in retrospect, I could have had a personal chauffer (that wouldn't be so bad).
The good news - is that I now have places to sit.
My apartment looks somewhat like an ikea add.
Saturday afternoon, I get a call from one of the folks from the night before. She asked, "What's your plan for tonight?".
Me: "I don't know".
Her: "Well now you do. We're all coming over to your place for beer and pizza."
Me: "One problem. There is no place to sit here."
Her: "Well, you better solve that. We'll be over around 7pm"
Me: "OK"
So, I get out of bed and walk to IKEA (about a 20 minute walk). I find a table (really 2 tables) and chairs and a few extra chairs. Perfect. I load up the IKEA trolley and head to the check-outs. After the check-outs, I go to the delivery desk...delivery won't happen until Monday or Tuesday (not a good option for my looming house-guests - 3 of which have fucking cars). I call a cab, "um, I'd like a taxi, a big one, to come and pick me up at the ikea parcel pick-up place". They say to me, "We won't deliver furniture". I say, "I just want them to deliver me. I have a few boxes, but I can carry them." They connect me to the handi-capp taxi service (american = handicapped?). I say, "Hello, I would like a large taxi to come get me and a few boxes." I get the same response about furniture delivery, but after assuring them that I was going to carry everything, they said they would send a car. 20 minutes go by and no cab. I call back. "Oh, we are having trouble locating a large taxi, can we send a small one?" I say sure, figuring I'll work out how to fit all of the stuff when the cab gets there. A few minutes later the taxi pulls up and the driver actually helps me load stuff (not much different than when I travel to the airport). He drives me to my place, and on the way we have the following ridiculous conversation.
Taxidriver (T): So where are your friends? Why aren't they helping you?
Me: They are coming over later for pizza.
T: Where is your boyfriend?
Me: What boyfriend? ...Oh, no boyfriend. I don't have one.
T: We should change that
Me: Huh? (not really thinking about what he said)
T: I think you need somebody 27 or 28.
Me: Holy shit, how did you know i was about to turn 28...that's amazing. My birthday is next week.
T: He should also be taller than you. Maybe 6 foot 1.
Me: Yeah, I'm kind of tall (and not really paying any attention to the conversation - to busy plotting the evening)
T: So, what happened to your last boyfriend?
Me: I work too much. People don't like to be in relationships with people that work so much (at this point - I realise what's going on as I look over and see a 6 foot 1, 28 year old, completely clueless cab driver...don't i look gay?)
T: I work 15 hours a day.
Me: That's terrific (Please get me out of this car)
T: That went straight over your head.
Me: Yes, it did (Now, I see why some women play stupid)
...(now we are getting close to my house..)
T: So, how are you going to get all of this stuff up-stairs?
Me: I need the exercise.
T: I can help you.
Me: That's OK. It'll be kind of fun (yeah right)
T: So, how about I get a few bottles of wine, i come by and we hang out some time.
Me: I don't think so... I think we are after completely different things (actually, ironically, we are probably after the same thing).
T: What do you think I am after?
Me: I don't know, but it has to be different than what I am looking for...(kind of)
The scary thing is that this is not the first time this has happened. The other scary thing, is that in retrospect, I could have had a personal chauffer (that wouldn't be so bad).
The good news - is that I now have places to sit.
My apartment looks somewhat like an ikea add.