The Day After...
Yesterday was Valentine's Day and I welcomed it even though I was alone. I have gotten used to being by myself. Some folks are afraid of being alone and here my crazy ass is here welcoming it. I mean it would be nice to go out with someone but why get caught up in someone else who might not like you the same way in return. Plus I got so caught up in work nobody would probably stay around to put up with me not being around. But my work is my love actually. I fell in love with what I do but yet it's hurting me at the same time. Ever since Terri died a piece of me has died with it. Everyday it seems more pieces of me is chipping away. I told Terri I was looking into buying a home but now, I can't even do that. The places I want are too much and when I thought I found the right spot something was wrong. So now I am just stuck. Stuck with going to work when I really don't feel like going. Stuck with a job I love but it doesn't pay that much. Stuck with feeling like something is dying within me everyday. Now it's up to me to pick up the pieces, but right now I don't have the strength to do it. My soul is missing, my heart is heavy, and my mind is constantly filled with endless thoughts of what if. I know I can find my way back, but right now I just can't do it.