Shambles?
The life path that I need to see is starting to be paved. The grass and dirt have been cleared, the gravel is being set... and I see the asphalt trucks rolling in. The path for my life is finally there. I graduate in May of this year - I have a house lined up in Glen Burnie. I'll start moving in whenever the people that are in there right now are moving out, probably May 1stish.
I expect a phone call Friday telling me that I have been handed a position at an awesome Summer Camp in Baltimore. He pretty much told me he's going to give me a position, it's just about paper work and getting the final word. Even if I don't get the position, then I can find something else to do for 3 months.
I had a job fair on the 12th, and Baltimore County gave me an advanced contract - basically saying that I have a guaranteed job in Baltimore County if I want to work there, doing middle school math which I would love to do. They will call me in about April or May to tell me where, but the principal of Sudbrook Magnet Middle School is absolutely dying for me to work there. I will start my job this upcoming school year. Prince George's County and Anne Arundel County are dying for me to get an interview with them too, so I figured I would see who wants to offer me the most and bid back and forth and see who wants to fight the most for me.
An old professor told me that I need to contact some person about my student loans, and that if I promise to teach in MD for 5 years, they will waive my student loans.
Everything that I have been having nightmares about, everything that I have been terrified of.. is being handed to me on a silver platter within the next few months. So why do I feel like such crap?
My classroom management professor once told me that there are 6 or 7 different aspects of balancing your life. I can't remember them all right now. Something like physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual and... something else. I'm healthy - not my ideal weight but I'm not sick is what I mean, I've got my life on the right track, I have all the support in the world from the best family and friends anyone could ask for, and I know what I believe in. But - I don't have love. And I've never really considered myself a hopeless romantic but the crappier I feel lately the more I'm starting to believe it.
I cry over nothing but I'm not depressed, I'm just very emtional and empathetic. I find myself starting at couples and either sighing and smiling or wanting to cry. I compare everything to love, or being single, or to a boyfriend or husband or what have you. I think I'm just lonely.
I've recently started trying to be friends with Cory again. We started talking as friends again in July or something, and we've hung out probably... 4 or 5 total times since then. We're both too busy with school and work to talk during the week, so we don't talk a lot, but when we do hang out it does feel like old times. Not boyfriend and girlfriendish, but just how we used to laugh about stupid little things and sharing inside jokes and talking about all the things we used to do. My head is confused as to why I'm laughing and happy at the same time that he is in the same room.
Camilo - my summer/work boy - has recently become a steady bf with a girl he used to talk to me about a few times. He told me and his best friend on more than one occasion that he hated her. And when I went to visit Camilo for Christmas, he was acting like things were like old summer times between him and I. And now we don't even speak.
A boy from work will not leave me alone. He has expressed the want to know me biblically, if you will, but at the same time when we are alone, he turns into a little teenage boy and gets nervous and cliche and cutesy - he'll ask me to dance while he's humming in the middle of a playground at night, or pull lines from a movie for an excuse to kiss me. I am very attracted to him, but he is confusing, and I feel as if it's better that I don't see him anymore.
I'm all over the place when it comes to boys and I don't know where to begin and where to end. I've been more outspoken and not afraid to stand up for myself anymore but, I dunno. I feel like there is an empty gap somewhere.
I don't have time to have a boyfriend or to even think about having some type of love life, but the option would be nice. I'm not sure what's going on with my head and my heart.
I expect a phone call Friday telling me that I have been handed a position at an awesome Summer Camp in Baltimore. He pretty much told me he's going to give me a position, it's just about paper work and getting the final word. Even if I don't get the position, then I can find something else to do for 3 months.
I had a job fair on the 12th, and Baltimore County gave me an advanced contract - basically saying that I have a guaranteed job in Baltimore County if I want to work there, doing middle school math which I would love to do. They will call me in about April or May to tell me where, but the principal of Sudbrook Magnet Middle School is absolutely dying for me to work there. I will start my job this upcoming school year. Prince George's County and Anne Arundel County are dying for me to get an interview with them too, so I figured I would see who wants to offer me the most and bid back and forth and see who wants to fight the most for me.
An old professor told me that I need to contact some person about my student loans, and that if I promise to teach in MD for 5 years, they will waive my student loans.
Everything that I have been having nightmares about, everything that I have been terrified of.. is being handed to me on a silver platter within the next few months. So why do I feel like such crap?
My classroom management professor once told me that there are 6 or 7 different aspects of balancing your life. I can't remember them all right now. Something like physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual and... something else. I'm healthy - not my ideal weight but I'm not sick is what I mean, I've got my life on the right track, I have all the support in the world from the best family and friends anyone could ask for, and I know what I believe in. But - I don't have love. And I've never really considered myself a hopeless romantic but the crappier I feel lately the more I'm starting to believe it.
I cry over nothing but I'm not depressed, I'm just very emtional and empathetic. I find myself starting at couples and either sighing and smiling or wanting to cry. I compare everything to love, or being single, or to a boyfriend or husband or what have you. I think I'm just lonely.
I've recently started trying to be friends with Cory again. We started talking as friends again in July or something, and we've hung out probably... 4 or 5 total times since then. We're both too busy with school and work to talk during the week, so we don't talk a lot, but when we do hang out it does feel like old times. Not boyfriend and girlfriendish, but just how we used to laugh about stupid little things and sharing inside jokes and talking about all the things we used to do. My head is confused as to why I'm laughing and happy at the same time that he is in the same room.
Camilo - my summer/work boy - has recently become a steady bf with a girl he used to talk to me about a few times. He told me and his best friend on more than one occasion that he hated her. And when I went to visit Camilo for Christmas, he was acting like things were like old summer times between him and I. And now we don't even speak.
A boy from work will not leave me alone. He has expressed the want to know me biblically, if you will, but at the same time when we are alone, he turns into a little teenage boy and gets nervous and cliche and cutesy - he'll ask me to dance while he's humming in the middle of a playground at night, or pull lines from a movie for an excuse to kiss me. I am very attracted to him, but he is confusing, and I feel as if it's better that I don't see him anymore.
I'm all over the place when it comes to boys and I don't know where to begin and where to end. I've been more outspoken and not afraid to stand up for myself anymore but, I dunno. I feel like there is an empty gap somewhere.
I don't have time to have a boyfriend or to even think about having some type of love life, but the option would be nice. I'm not sure what's going on with my head and my heart.