Been a while
I'm in a really weird mood. Any other given day I would be depressed and mopey. I'm BEYOND broke even though I work at a retail store with overtime hours cuz we're so super busy. It's to the point where it's so bad that I can't make rent for January and it's a real problem. I'm in this apartment all alone and not even my 4th roommate who lives in Ocean City isn't here at all anymore, and I can't afford Christmas presents for the ones I love.
But I'm happy. I'm sure it's just for today but I figure I would jump on the opportunity and record this down while I still have these feelings to perhaps get them back when I'm down in the dumps later.
I took a day trip to Baltimore to see Maria on Tuesday and just having her there to listen to me as well as listen to her really helped. I went home for HER but in trying to give her advice as well as share what I had been through to help her out... just lifted something in me. I passed my stupid math class that I was borderline C/D for... and an A and a B in the other classes that my stupid professor was trying to fail me in. My car is still running, my room is consistently clean [cuz I work way too much to dirty it up], Emily is pulling her share more. At least her dishes are CLEAN and on the counter now, not just in the sink for 6 days.
I thought I would be more upset cuz Sara isn't here. But work has kept me so busy and tired that I wouldn't have had any time to play with her if she were here anyway. And the nights I have off some people from work keep me company so I'm not moping around my place alone. I think Sara's upset to be home. I don't like being home - I love my mom but... she drives me nuts. And the tension in her house is always at an alltime high. I think she called me last night? I was sleeping on the couch by accident and I half remember texting her and answering the phone and tried to play it off like I was just watching TV. I dunno our conversation last night didn't go so well cuz I wasn't really comprehending everything and she just seemed really down when I talked to her online earlier. And I know what you're thinking - "it's online - you can't tell emotion." Yeah well it's us and we can. Couples always bicker when they're apart - always. And we're just the perfect example. *sigh*
Work is crazy. We're all stressed out while we work between customers but in general we're all pretty calm, it's weird. Tomorrow they're cutting seasonal help, but not telling you to your face if that is your last day or not - which is real shitty if you ask me. Anyway, seasonal help is only guaranteed a job till December 24th. I don't work tomorrow. So of course I'm freaking out cuz all of my friends there work tomorrow and are finding out that they're all getting cut left and right... but then I look at the schedule and I'm on there for Friday and Saturday. When I talked to my managers about my schedule and the fact that I was staying they looked at me like I was stupid. So - it was just really nice to know that I busted my ass at work and they noticed :) I really really like my job. They're all just really laid back and I get to play with toys and the people I work with are just amazing. There's something really gratifying about seeing all of the paper cuts and gashes in my hands again and know that I did it at my JOB. And it may sound weird but I LOVE washing my hands when I get home and see how gray the water is. My hands put over $6,000 of pure cash in my register every day I work.
Boys are still an issue of course. When are they not haha. The last entry I wrote was about that guy named Justin who my friend set me up with. He's amazing - but I don't like him. And that always happens to me. I feel like a jerk but something in me just doesn't like him like that and I can't figure out why. He's fine and moved on [which is really refreshing...] but I still felt bad. I think cuz I really got my hopes up about it? Maybe who knows. Maybe I don't like him cuz I know it would lead into a relationship and I'm not ready to be tied down but don't know it? Whooooo knows. Glenn called me today for the first time in over a month. So... we'll see where that goes. I still talk to a few others pretty steadily and four new ones were added about a week ago. All of which are from work. So that's nice. bah. My life my life.
I go home to Baltimore tomorrow! I'll be there till Thursday night, cuz I gotta work Friday morning. I'm trying very VERY hard to squeeze as many people in as I can so please be patient with me! I'm gonna see if I can take about a week off for my birthday cuz I'll be 21 and a complete wastefest and I wanna be in Baltimore for it so.. stay tuned for updates :) It's January 10th so.. be ready :-D
That's all for now! Merry Christmas cuz I'll be home away from my puter!! LOVE YOU GUYS :)
But I'm happy. I'm sure it's just for today but I figure I would jump on the opportunity and record this down while I still have these feelings to perhaps get them back when I'm down in the dumps later.
I took a day trip to Baltimore to see Maria on Tuesday and just having her there to listen to me as well as listen to her really helped. I went home for HER but in trying to give her advice as well as share what I had been through to help her out... just lifted something in me. I passed my stupid math class that I was borderline C/D for... and an A and a B in the other classes that my stupid professor was trying to fail me in. My car is still running, my room is consistently clean [cuz I work way too much to dirty it up], Emily is pulling her share more. At least her dishes are CLEAN and on the counter now, not just in the sink for 6 days.
I thought I would be more upset cuz Sara isn't here. But work has kept me so busy and tired that I wouldn't have had any time to play with her if she were here anyway. And the nights I have off some people from work keep me company so I'm not moping around my place alone. I think Sara's upset to be home. I don't like being home - I love my mom but... she drives me nuts. And the tension in her house is always at an alltime high. I think she called me last night? I was sleeping on the couch by accident and I half remember texting her and answering the phone and tried to play it off like I was just watching TV. I dunno our conversation last night didn't go so well cuz I wasn't really comprehending everything and she just seemed really down when I talked to her online earlier. And I know what you're thinking - "it's online - you can't tell emotion." Yeah well it's us and we can. Couples always bicker when they're apart - always. And we're just the perfect example. *sigh*
Work is crazy. We're all stressed out while we work between customers but in general we're all pretty calm, it's weird. Tomorrow they're cutting seasonal help, but not telling you to your face if that is your last day or not - which is real shitty if you ask me. Anyway, seasonal help is only guaranteed a job till December 24th. I don't work tomorrow. So of course I'm freaking out cuz all of my friends there work tomorrow and are finding out that they're all getting cut left and right... but then I look at the schedule and I'm on there for Friday and Saturday. When I talked to my managers about my schedule and the fact that I was staying they looked at me like I was stupid. So - it was just really nice to know that I busted my ass at work and they noticed :) I really really like my job. They're all just really laid back and I get to play with toys and the people I work with are just amazing. There's something really gratifying about seeing all of the paper cuts and gashes in my hands again and know that I did it at my JOB. And it may sound weird but I LOVE washing my hands when I get home and see how gray the water is. My hands put over $6,000 of pure cash in my register every day I work.
Boys are still an issue of course. When are they not haha. The last entry I wrote was about that guy named Justin who my friend set me up with. He's amazing - but I don't like him. And that always happens to me. I feel like a jerk but something in me just doesn't like him like that and I can't figure out why. He's fine and moved on [which is really refreshing...] but I still felt bad. I think cuz I really got my hopes up about it? Maybe who knows. Maybe I don't like him cuz I know it would lead into a relationship and I'm not ready to be tied down but don't know it? Whooooo knows. Glenn called me today for the first time in over a month. So... we'll see where that goes. I still talk to a few others pretty steadily and four new ones were added about a week ago. All of which are from work. So that's nice. bah. My life my life.
I go home to Baltimore tomorrow! I'll be there till Thursday night, cuz I gotta work Friday morning. I'm trying very VERY hard to squeeze as many people in as I can so please be patient with me! I'm gonna see if I can take about a week off for my birthday cuz I'll be 21 and a complete wastefest and I wanna be in Baltimore for it so.. stay tuned for updates :) It's January 10th so.. be ready :-D
That's all for now! Merry Christmas cuz I'll be home away from my puter!! LOVE YOU GUYS :)