too personal but i want to cry it all out through this post
hhmmm..this past few days..i've felt so unwanted..i had that feeling that i am all alone..i relied to much to a "FRIEND" that i really never thought he's be my friend..actually..i love him..i liked him from the first time we chatted and learned to love him more and more..
a lot of things happened and everything gathered in my thoughts and heart and one thing for sure will happen after this..i would suddenly burst out without apparent reason..
why did i end up showing those to him and him leaving those marks of scars in my heart..why do i need to get hurt? i was expecting a nice valentines day this year but unluckily these things all happened..
everything change right? and for now though we had settle things down we won't be like what we were to each other before right? i'm so damn..i acted like a fool..i shouldn't have done that!!
and one thing more..i was really HURT by him..for everything he said..i felt that my heart cracked up!!
here was are arguing session and the reason i find this year's valentines day so cold!!
watashi: guys i'm really bored!! and a bit pissed!! but it's ok..i can manage!! it only shows i'm not important i'm feeling so unwanted...why does this y.m. need to have that invisible!! i know who's invisible!! and it turns out to be that person is who i have been waiting!! ggrrrr....it really pisses me off!!!
kare: maa...
kare: you really are pissed with that someone
watashi: YEAH I REALLY AM PISSED WITH THAT SOMEONE
kare: who's that? maybe i can kill that person
watashi: I SO SO SO THINK..SURELY I THINK YOU KNOW THAT PERSON
watashi: NO NEED FOR ME TO TELL
kare: ehh? i don't know that person.
watashi: IF SO..I'D RATHER YOU NOT KNOW HIM
kare: what did i do to you???
watashi: NOTHING...DID I SAY YOU DID SOMETHING TO ME?
kare: but you seems mad at me
watashi: I'M NOT MAD
watashi: SURELY I AM NOT
kare: maa...i will go now...if you're just mad at me
watashi: YOU'RE ALWAYS LIKE THAT..
watashi: I'M USED TO IT
kare: tsk
watashi: GGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
watashi:
kare: you are so random. i can't understand you now
watashi: YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND ME?
watashi: want me to tell why i'm so pissed|?
kare: why?
watashi: it's because..there was a time that i chatted with someone..and i needed to go...i promised i would come back..and i did..that time my mother even slapped me..because i didn't follow her..i went back on the computer room
watashi: i went back..only to know that the person to whom i promised was already sleeping
watashi: and just like about minutes ago..if i wouldn't send a group message..i think i wouldn't be mind by that person
watashi: i'm so feeling unwanted right now
kare: ne...
kare: why don't you tell me that, that "person" is me
kare: i'm not a fool to not know who are you referring with?
kare: you're always like that
watashi: i know..
kare: referring me
watashi: like what?
kare: but not telling me straight that i'm the one who you are really referring
kare: i'm just ignoring it, just tyo respect you
watashi: coz i don't want to name persons or people
kare: but i remembered. that i said sorry that time. because i'm really tired and sleepy on my work
watashi: i'd rather express what i feel without naming people
kare: if you're mother got mad at you, because of me. then, GOMENASAI
watashi: i understand your situation that time..but this time..i'm sorry..but i just can't control myself
watashi: honestly i feel jealous
watashi: that;'s it
kare: why are you jealous? do we have a relationship?
kare: we're just bestfriends here
watashi: is there a need to have a relationship to be jealous
watashi: that's it..you said it...we're just bestfriends here
watashi: just here
kare: but honestly...
kare: you are acting sometimes like we HAVE a relationship
watashi: is that what you think? am i not allowed to care for my friend?
watashi: you're not only my friend here...i have a lot of friends and i do the same thing
kare: yes you can.
kare: you are allowed to care to anyone of your friends
watashi: and you are one of them right?
watashi: or you just really think that i'm just a friend of you here? not a real friend?
kare: real friend
kare: you know how much i treasure my friends
kare: and you're one of them
watashi: i know that..but sometimes..sorry to say this but i honestly feel that i'm not really like a friend t oyou
watashi: to you*
kare: you're wrong
kare: i treat you as my sister here
kare: my friend
kare: my real friend
kare: maa...what did i do for this to happen...kuso!
watashi: it's easy to say but it's hard to show
watashi: i do not even know what you did and why i am mad
watashi: why am i jealous if we don't have any RELATIONSHIP
watashi: asid from "FRIENDSHIP"
kare: answer me...honestly...
kare: do you love me more than a friend?
watashi: honestly?
watashi: YEAH
watashi: it was ever since we first chatted
watashi: though i remember that day arguing with you too...i liked you back then
watashi: and i still like you
kare: i don't want to reject you feelings. but i can't like you back the way you like me...
kare: *your
kare: gomen...
watashi: i know that..i understand that..i've accepted the fact that we are just friends
watashi: and i know i can't do anything with it, the fact that i know who you love
kare: i'm so sorry...
kare: i didn't mean to hurt you...
kare: gomenasai..
watashi: please don't say sorry...
watashi: i'm at fault too
kare: why?
watashi: i just suddenly bursed out..and caused these commotions
watashi: with out any apparent reason
kare: maa...it's okay
kare: but honestly..I AM HURT
watashi: gomen
watashi: ne..tell me, was that what you really thought ever since? that i act like we have something going on between us?
kare: hai
watashi: sorry for causing you to think that
kare: no, sorry if i'm thinking that way
watashi: its ok..let's just forget all of this
watashi: all of these*
kare: okay, let's just forget all of these
watashi: start all over again?
kare: hai
watashi: that's fine with me..
watashi: but for now..sorry..i don't have anything to say to you this time..
kare: sorry too
is there a need for me to know all of these things? do i deserve it?!
a lot of things happened and everything gathered in my thoughts and heart and one thing for sure will happen after this..i would suddenly burst out without apparent reason..
why did i end up showing those to him and him leaving those marks of scars in my heart..why do i need to get hurt? i was expecting a nice valentines day this year but unluckily these things all happened..
everything change right? and for now though we had settle things down we won't be like what we were to each other before right? i'm so damn..i acted like a fool..i shouldn't have done that!!
and one thing more..i was really HURT by him..for everything he said..i felt that my heart cracked up!!
here was are arguing session and the reason i find this year's valentines day so cold!!
watashi: guys i'm really bored!! and a bit pissed!! but it's ok..i can manage!! it only shows i'm not important i'm feeling so unwanted...why does this y.m. need to have that invisible!! i know who's invisible!! and it turns out to be that person is who i have been waiting!! ggrrrr....it really pisses me off!!!
kare: maa...
kare: you really are pissed with that someone
watashi: YEAH I REALLY AM PISSED WITH THAT SOMEONE
kare: who's that? maybe i can kill that person
watashi: I SO SO SO THINK..SURELY I THINK YOU KNOW THAT PERSON
watashi: NO NEED FOR ME TO TELL
kare: ehh? i don't know that person.
watashi: IF SO..I'D RATHER YOU NOT KNOW HIM
kare: what did i do to you???
watashi: NOTHING...DID I SAY YOU DID SOMETHING TO ME?
kare: but you seems mad at me
watashi: I'M NOT MAD
watashi: SURELY I AM NOT
kare: maa...i will go now...if you're just mad at me
watashi: YOU'RE ALWAYS LIKE THAT..
watashi: I'M USED TO IT
kare: tsk
watashi: GGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
watashi:
kare: you are so random. i can't understand you now
watashi: YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND ME?
watashi: want me to tell why i'm so pissed|?
kare: why?
watashi: it's because..there was a time that i chatted with someone..and i needed to go...i promised i would come back..and i did..that time my mother even slapped me..because i didn't follow her..i went back on the computer room
watashi: i went back..only to know that the person to whom i promised was already sleeping
watashi: and just like about minutes ago..if i wouldn't send a group message..i think i wouldn't be mind by that person
watashi: i'm so feeling unwanted right now
kare: ne...
kare: why don't you tell me that, that "person" is me
kare: i'm not a fool to not know who are you referring with?
kare: you're always like that
watashi: i know..
kare: referring me
watashi: like what?
kare: but not telling me straight that i'm the one who you are really referring
kare: i'm just ignoring it, just tyo respect you
watashi: coz i don't want to name persons or people
kare: but i remembered. that i said sorry that time. because i'm really tired and sleepy on my work
watashi: i'd rather express what i feel without naming people
kare: if you're mother got mad at you, because of me. then, GOMENASAI
watashi: i understand your situation that time..but this time..i'm sorry..but i just can't control myself
watashi: honestly i feel jealous
watashi: that;'s it
kare: why are you jealous? do we have a relationship?
kare: we're just bestfriends here
watashi: is there a need to have a relationship to be jealous
watashi: that's it..you said it...we're just bestfriends here
watashi: just here
kare: but honestly...
kare: you are acting sometimes like we HAVE a relationship
watashi: is that what you think? am i not allowed to care for my friend?
watashi: you're not only my friend here...i have a lot of friends and i do the same thing
kare: yes you can.
kare: you are allowed to care to anyone of your friends
watashi: and you are one of them right?
watashi: or you just really think that i'm just a friend of you here? not a real friend?
kare: real friend
kare: you know how much i treasure my friends
kare: and you're one of them
watashi: i know that..but sometimes..sorry to say this but i honestly feel that i'm not really like a friend t oyou
watashi: to you*
kare: you're wrong
kare: i treat you as my sister here
kare: my friend
kare: my real friend
kare: maa...what did i do for this to happen...kuso!
watashi: it's easy to say but it's hard to show
watashi: i do not even know what you did and why i am mad
watashi: why am i jealous if we don't have any RELATIONSHIP
watashi: asid from "FRIENDSHIP"
kare: answer me...honestly...
kare: do you love me more than a friend?
watashi: honestly?
watashi: YEAH
watashi: it was ever since we first chatted
watashi: though i remember that day arguing with you too...i liked you back then
watashi: and i still like you
kare: i don't want to reject you feelings. but i can't like you back the way you like me...
kare: *your
kare: gomen...
watashi: i know that..i understand that..i've accepted the fact that we are just friends
watashi: and i know i can't do anything with it, the fact that i know who you love
kare: i'm so sorry...
kare: i didn't mean to hurt you...
kare: gomenasai..
watashi: please don't say sorry...
watashi: i'm at fault too
kare: why?
watashi: i just suddenly bursed out..and caused these commotions
watashi: with out any apparent reason
kare: maa...it's okay
kare: but honestly..I AM HURT
watashi: gomen
watashi: ne..tell me, was that what you really thought ever since? that i act like we have something going on between us?
kare: hai
watashi: sorry for causing you to think that
kare: no, sorry if i'm thinking that way
watashi: its ok..let's just forget all of this
watashi: all of these*
kare: okay, let's just forget all of these
watashi: start all over again?
kare: hai
watashi: that's fine with me..
watashi: but for now..sorry..i don't have anything to say to you this time..
kare: sorry too
is there a need for me to know all of these things? do i deserve it?!