Too hard too fast, but worth it!
Last week I was feeling exceptionally well. I went to the barn and rode twice, once on Cody and once on my favorite boy, Phoenix. Cody is an avid rein-puller, which is SO annoying, but he has a nice temperament and didn't give me much trouble other than that. It was an easy ride, which was good since I'm not quite back in the game yet. Man, I was sooo sore after only just walking and trotting for a couple minutes.
A couple days later I rode the horse of my heart, Fifi. Phoenix was a doll, as always. He was rather snorty whenever we passed the door, but I just laughed at him because I know he's all snort and no spook. Actually, I can't keep a straight face for long when I ride him. He is so good, and he has so much personality, all I can do is laugh and laugh. It was good for my heart and soul, that's for sure!
And then I started to not feel so well again. I got the pain back in my back and butt, and so for the past couple of days I've been essentially glued to my full body heating pad. Maybe I did too much too soon? I know I probably did...but can you blame me? I have missed so much over the past year I just couldn't hold myself back. I was so afraid that my wellness wouldn't last, and so I wanted to make the most of it while I could.
I see a Rhuemetologist on Monday for my Fibromyalgia. Maybe he will adjust my Lyrica dosage so I feel better again. I hope so anyway! It's getting freaking cold outside, but I am so sick of being inside! I just want to be at the barn. I feel at home there, with my best friend Carrie, and it never matters how sick I'm feeling, I'm always laughing when I'm at the stable. I don't even have to ride. Actually, I would be completely happy just sitting around or doing chores.
You know what I realized? I freaking LOVE doing barn chores. I know most people are all about the riding, but I just want to get in there and get dirty...for now. Barn chores will make me nice and strong again, so I can jump in the saddle and wrestle ponies when they need a good ass whoopin! Whether it's mucking stalls, unloading hay, scrubbing water buckets, sweeping, shoveling bedding, grooming horses with mud caked all over their bodies, cleaning tack, or feeding for the night. Damn, I just want to do it all! Isn't that weird? I guess I really learned to appreciate all that once I couldn't do it anymore. And what's better than making the most wonderful animals in the world healthy and comfortable?
Oh, and you know what else? I'm not sure if any of you get to do this, but one of my favorite barn chores is making grain. I feel like a chef, only with sweet feed, pellets, and supplements. A pinch of this, a scoop of that, a shake here, a cup there. It's awesome. Seriously. I wish it was my job. Does anyone else feel that way?
You know what I want to do someday? I want to be a manager at a Tractor Supply or an Agway. That's my dream. Or maybe own a Non-profit Bunny or Horse Rescue. Or both! I could conquer the world if I could only escape this constant cycle of fatigue and pain. I have faith that I will, it's just going to take time, and the support and encouragement of friends :) -wink wink, nudge nudge-
I know there has been an absence of artwork from me...and believe me, I'm working on it. It's just really hard to be inspired when all you can think about is how much you hurt. There are so many things I want to draw. All of you deserve a really awesome Christmas present...I'm just not sure if you will get it this year. I'm so sorry. I'm trying really hard tho...just try to believe in me!
On January 1st, I will no longer be on my parents insurance. If I don't get approved for Disability...I will be uninsured. That's a really scary thought for someone like me, who sees the doctor a lot and needs a lot of medication. If I have to go with a private insurance agency...I know I wont be able to afford it. Rates for people with pre-existing conditions are through the roof, and I have no income. I am completely dependent on my parents. How will I get the medicine and care I need?
Oh well, that's far off and I'm putting it in the back of my mind. I am crossing my fingers that I will be approved for Disability soon and that I wont have to worry about that. However, the money I will be getting from Disability will be barely enough to live on. I think I will be rationed $500 a month, to cover all my expenses. It's better than nothing, but how can someone even cover basic needs with that amount?
Anyway, I am happy regardless of everything. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me, and a family that is so encouraging and supportive.
<3
A couple days later I rode the horse of my heart, Fifi. Phoenix was a doll, as always. He was rather snorty whenever we passed the door, but I just laughed at him because I know he's all snort and no spook. Actually, I can't keep a straight face for long when I ride him. He is so good, and he has so much personality, all I can do is laugh and laugh. It was good for my heart and soul, that's for sure!
And then I started to not feel so well again. I got the pain back in my back and butt, and so for the past couple of days I've been essentially glued to my full body heating pad. Maybe I did too much too soon? I know I probably did...but can you blame me? I have missed so much over the past year I just couldn't hold myself back. I was so afraid that my wellness wouldn't last, and so I wanted to make the most of it while I could.
I see a Rhuemetologist on Monday for my Fibromyalgia. Maybe he will adjust my Lyrica dosage so I feel better again. I hope so anyway! It's getting freaking cold outside, but I am so sick of being inside! I just want to be at the barn. I feel at home there, with my best friend Carrie, and it never matters how sick I'm feeling, I'm always laughing when I'm at the stable. I don't even have to ride. Actually, I would be completely happy just sitting around or doing chores.
You know what I realized? I freaking LOVE doing barn chores. I know most people are all about the riding, but I just want to get in there and get dirty...for now. Barn chores will make me nice and strong again, so I can jump in the saddle and wrestle ponies when they need a good ass whoopin! Whether it's mucking stalls, unloading hay, scrubbing water buckets, sweeping, shoveling bedding, grooming horses with mud caked all over their bodies, cleaning tack, or feeding for the night. Damn, I just want to do it all! Isn't that weird? I guess I really learned to appreciate all that once I couldn't do it anymore. And what's better than making the most wonderful animals in the world healthy and comfortable?
Oh, and you know what else? I'm not sure if any of you get to do this, but one of my favorite barn chores is making grain. I feel like a chef, only with sweet feed, pellets, and supplements. A pinch of this, a scoop of that, a shake here, a cup there. It's awesome. Seriously. I wish it was my job. Does anyone else feel that way?
You know what I want to do someday? I want to be a manager at a Tractor Supply or an Agway. That's my dream. Or maybe own a Non-profit Bunny or Horse Rescue. Or both! I could conquer the world if I could only escape this constant cycle of fatigue and pain. I have faith that I will, it's just going to take time, and the support and encouragement of friends :) -wink wink, nudge nudge-
I know there has been an absence of artwork from me...and believe me, I'm working on it. It's just really hard to be inspired when all you can think about is how much you hurt. There are so many things I want to draw. All of you deserve a really awesome Christmas present...I'm just not sure if you will get it this year. I'm so sorry. I'm trying really hard tho...just try to believe in me!
On January 1st, I will no longer be on my parents insurance. If I don't get approved for Disability...I will be uninsured. That's a really scary thought for someone like me, who sees the doctor a lot and needs a lot of medication. If I have to go with a private insurance agency...I know I wont be able to afford it. Rates for people with pre-existing conditions are through the roof, and I have no income. I am completely dependent on my parents. How will I get the medicine and care I need?
Oh well, that's far off and I'm putting it in the back of my mind. I am crossing my fingers that I will be approved for Disability soon and that I wont have to worry about that. However, the money I will be getting from Disability will be barely enough to live on. I think I will be rationed $500 a month, to cover all my expenses. It's better than nothing, but how can someone even cover basic needs with that amount?
Anyway, I am happy regardless of everything. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me, and a family that is so encouraging and supportive.
<3