LAST NIGHT
I wish i could explain to you what heppend to me last night in words that you all could feel the same way i feel.....but i cant.
so whats left of a break up, is me thinking about what he said. "I love you, i just dont care about you anymore, i am empty inside (and i know that ment it was all my falt). So i am going to end it before i hurt you (its to late, i wanna die).
"Its not that you dont make me happy, i dont make my self happy."
And now i am left all alone, in tears. thinking to myself....what was the point??
was the point to know that i will never find anyone as perfect as him?
or was it to put me threw the pain of loss for the 10th time. i mean i dont understand.
and when i asked him if it was for good he said " i dont beliove in breaks but i will probly be back."
so i think about this and say to my self. Wow he knew what to say to just give me a little piece of hope, that i will be happy again.
But the longer i think about the longer i think what a joke i must be.
i wanna be with him.
i dont wanna find some one eles, i dont wanna go back to my old life. as i see it i left it behind for a reason.
My mom said "just go back to what you liked to do before, go shoping, play a game."
but how empty does that make me, if i have to go shoping to be happy for a hour?
and the only friend i have left that does not make me think of jeff is jessika, kinda glad that i did not stop talking to her.
i feel like i should wait for him, but i am not that strong to be here right now.
When i was said he was the one who hugged me, and made me feel better, but now the reason i am sad and need a hug is because he is gone. i dont understand all this stress i feel. and right now i dont wanna be alive. i stayed up last night, thinking about what i could do today that would make me feel better, and it all came back down to him.
call if you wanna talk, i dont know whats going on in my life.
I feel:
HURT, alone, PAIN, sadness, EMPTY, dumb, CRAZY, shitty, USELESS, disposable, USED, dirty, SPENT, slutty, like i am that undwanted toy thats broken and left alone on the shelf to get dirty and be alone.
so whats left of a break up, is me thinking about what he said. "I love you, i just dont care about you anymore, i am empty inside (and i know that ment it was all my falt). So i am going to end it before i hurt you (its to late, i wanna die).
"Its not that you dont make me happy, i dont make my self happy."
And now i am left all alone, in tears. thinking to myself....what was the point??
was the point to know that i will never find anyone as perfect as him?
or was it to put me threw the pain of loss for the 10th time. i mean i dont understand.
and when i asked him if it was for good he said " i dont beliove in breaks but i will probly be back."
so i think about this and say to my self. Wow he knew what to say to just give me a little piece of hope, that i will be happy again.
But the longer i think about the longer i think what a joke i must be.
i wanna be with him.
i dont wanna find some one eles, i dont wanna go back to my old life. as i see it i left it behind for a reason.
My mom said "just go back to what you liked to do before, go shoping, play a game."
but how empty does that make me, if i have to go shoping to be happy for a hour?
and the only friend i have left that does not make me think of jeff is jessika, kinda glad that i did not stop talking to her.
i feel like i should wait for him, but i am not that strong to be here right now.
When i was said he was the one who hugged me, and made me feel better, but now the reason i am sad and need a hug is because he is gone. i dont understand all this stress i feel. and right now i dont wanna be alive. i stayed up last night, thinking about what i could do today that would make me feel better, and it all came back down to him.
call if you wanna talk, i dont know whats going on in my life.
I feel:
HURT, alone, PAIN, sadness, EMPTY, dumb, CRAZY, shitty, USELESS, disposable, USED, dirty, SPENT, slutty, like i am that undwanted toy thats broken and left alone on the shelf to get dirty and be alone.