Crazy.
Shamelss repost from Myspace. But i figured- hey. while I'm writing- I might as well share it. :)
"When I sing it's a cyclone
I'm writing a raging sea
Searching for a sign of life
Is it safe to say it's me?
Listen to our lives
The wind will whisper the way it is
I am going to happen, what a lovely day it is
Don't ask why
Just live, and, die " _Gnarles Barkley "Storm Coming"
"You see, everybody is somebody
But nobody wants to be themselves
and If I ever wanted to understand me
I'll have to talk to someone else
Cause every little bit helps." "Who Cares"
"I want to be you - whenever I see you smilin'
Cause it's easily one of the hardest things to do
Your worries and fears become your friends
And they end up smilin' at you
Put on a smilin' face "
"You are the best. You are the worst. You are average. Your love is a part of you. You try to give it away because you cannot bear its radiance, but you cannot separate it from yourself. To understand your fellow humans, you must understand why you give them your love. You must realize that hate is but a crime-ridden subdivision of love. You must reclaim what you never lost. You must take leave of your sanity, and yet be fully responsible for your actions.' -Gnarls Barkley, in a letter to the legendary rock critic Lester Bangs
I've recently discovered Gnarles Barkley. Has to be the strangest name I've encountered in a while... not a persons name though I've come to find out... its a collaboration of Danger Mouse and Cee-lo.... not that I know much about either one but maybe i'm VERY behind. Anyway- its been catching my ear for weeks and i've just now taken the time to figure out who it is... and I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised. For whatever reason, maybe it will haunt me, but Crazy just STICKS in my head. Lyrically- They've really got something going.
Thinkin... what is it about "worries and fears" and negative thoughts in general.. that is like a security blanket? Why is it so much easier to stay within oneself, even when in a horrible place.. .feeling so isolated and lost- angry and confused-- than to branch out and ... be happy? To smile and appreciate the whimsical things during any particular day-- to take the time to notice when something good happens- to acknowledge it and to let it slip sweeter stimulation into your veins.... Why is it- that when I have a choice. I'd rather sit and do absolutely nothing- than do something to make myself feel I'm worth it. I'd rather sit and distract myself, than start to pick up some of my pieces and place them in a pattern towards things I want. Why is it that I don't start small- and start building motivation within myself piece by piece? Why is it that there's always too much to lose. When I don't know where I am, don't like where I am- there can't be a risk too large... in order to bring myself out of this mess.
What is the value, in floating? In merely existing- because there's nothing better to do. To get up, clock in, clock out- get a paycheck....then use multiple remedies for the exacerbating stress that constantly refreshes itself with every waking day. Nothing ever changes, builds, lessens, processes, or shows its face within me. The only energy that comes out of me, expresses itself in pure ambiguousness. Or even worse, indifference. And it doesn't get much lower than indifference. Because I'm not the type of person to be careless or even carefree (even if i want to be)- in fact, often times I wish I could care less. But in the times in life that I just can't even muster up the energy to, prefer, one thing over the next- I can't make simple decisions.....without imagining them as a 'eenie meenie miney mo' type of trade-off.... I have to say-- what am I waiting for. Life's not just going to wait for me to get my act together... precious moments die with every second I waste, wasting away into myself. I gotta get some help...
When I'm helping someone else... when I'm talking to someone I love- who is struggling within themselves.. I've always encouraged others- to release what burdens them. To release those inner demons, because the longer you hold them inside they will just eat you alive. Why is it that, I am so very.... unacquainted with the darkness inside of me?
"I think part of my problem.. with the future. Is I haven't made amends with my past. And its caught up to me. Living in the present will only get you so far, when you've got demons biting at your ankles. Eventually you (well I) have to turn around and face yourself [myself], and fight off the demons within. I need to find out what feeds me, what I need...." (seems really crazy to quote myself, but for the value of what i'm expressing here, my saying this in conversation helps in what I'm writing) lil thank you to C for so often being my muse.
That's it for now, i've been writing piece by piece all evening. Gotta show my face out of my room and eat some dinner ... woops.
"When I sing it's a cyclone
I'm writing a raging sea
Searching for a sign of life
Is it safe to say it's me?
Listen to our lives
The wind will whisper the way it is
I am going to happen, what a lovely day it is
Don't ask why
Just live, and, die " _Gnarles Barkley "Storm Coming"
"You see, everybody is somebody
But nobody wants to be themselves
and If I ever wanted to understand me
I'll have to talk to someone else
Cause every little bit helps." "Who Cares"
"I want to be you - whenever I see you smilin'
Cause it's easily one of the hardest things to do
Your worries and fears become your friends
And they end up smilin' at you
Put on a smilin' face "
"You are the best. You are the worst. You are average. Your love is a part of you. You try to give it away because you cannot bear its radiance, but you cannot separate it from yourself. To understand your fellow humans, you must understand why you give them your love. You must realize that hate is but a crime-ridden subdivision of love. You must reclaim what you never lost. You must take leave of your sanity, and yet be fully responsible for your actions.' -Gnarls Barkley, in a letter to the legendary rock critic Lester Bangs
I've recently discovered Gnarles Barkley. Has to be the strangest name I've encountered in a while... not a persons name though I've come to find out... its a collaboration of Danger Mouse and Cee-lo.... not that I know much about either one but maybe i'm VERY behind. Anyway- its been catching my ear for weeks and i've just now taken the time to figure out who it is... and I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised. For whatever reason, maybe it will haunt me, but Crazy just STICKS in my head. Lyrically- They've really got something going.
Thinkin... what is it about "worries and fears" and negative thoughts in general.. that is like a security blanket? Why is it so much easier to stay within oneself, even when in a horrible place.. .feeling so isolated and lost- angry and confused-- than to branch out and ... be happy? To smile and appreciate the whimsical things during any particular day-- to take the time to notice when something good happens- to acknowledge it and to let it slip sweeter stimulation into your veins.... Why is it- that when I have a choice. I'd rather sit and do absolutely nothing- than do something to make myself feel I'm worth it. I'd rather sit and distract myself, than start to pick up some of my pieces and place them in a pattern towards things I want. Why is it that I don't start small- and start building motivation within myself piece by piece? Why is it that there's always too much to lose. When I don't know where I am, don't like where I am- there can't be a risk too large... in order to bring myself out of this mess.
What is the value, in floating? In merely existing- because there's nothing better to do. To get up, clock in, clock out- get a paycheck....then use multiple remedies for the exacerbating stress that constantly refreshes itself with every waking day. Nothing ever changes, builds, lessens, processes, or shows its face within me. The only energy that comes out of me, expresses itself in pure ambiguousness. Or even worse, indifference. And it doesn't get much lower than indifference. Because I'm not the type of person to be careless or even carefree (even if i want to be)- in fact, often times I wish I could care less. But in the times in life that I just can't even muster up the energy to, prefer, one thing over the next- I can't make simple decisions.....without imagining them as a 'eenie meenie miney mo' type of trade-off.... I have to say-- what am I waiting for. Life's not just going to wait for me to get my act together... precious moments die with every second I waste, wasting away into myself. I gotta get some help...
When I'm helping someone else... when I'm talking to someone I love- who is struggling within themselves.. I've always encouraged others- to release what burdens them. To release those inner demons, because the longer you hold them inside they will just eat you alive. Why is it that, I am so very.... unacquainted with the darkness inside of me?
"I think part of my problem.. with the future. Is I haven't made amends with my past. And its caught up to me. Living in the present will only get you so far, when you've got demons biting at your ankles. Eventually you (well I) have to turn around and face yourself [myself], and fight off the demons within. I need to find out what feeds me, what I need...." (seems really crazy to quote myself, but for the value of what i'm expressing here, my saying this in conversation helps in what I'm writing) lil thank you to C for so often being my muse.
That's it for now, i've been writing piece by piece all evening. Gotta show my face out of my room and eat some dinner ... woops.