(no subject)
So my work has allotted me to the Map coffee stand in Melbourne Central under the clocks for the past few weeks (in case you people missed the moaning and groaning on Facebook about how bored/lonely I get), and despite some really boring, lonely periods of time staring into the dead eyes of the corporate, I'll-pay-$5-for-a-shitty-coffee-at-Starbucks-but-not-$2.80-for-a-good-coffee general commute droning past, I do get to see some pretty amusing things.
Here is a list of things that are awesome about my job:
1. I make myself coffee when I feel like it.
2. There are regular bums who sit under the clocks for 3 or so hours staring into space.
3. Once, a balding, racist woman came up to me and asked me if she could have a cup of ice, "because it looks so tempting" referring to the salty, unpalatable ice I used to keep my milk cold. I politely declined her request; the next 3 times I saw her, she was swearing at the top of her lungs.
4. Trading stories with other stall vendors about how annoying customers are.
5. I had an American guy wave his arms around and saying very loudly and slowly, "ATM. Money machine. ATM. Where?" Thinking he had aphasia, I understandably replied, "What?". Realising I understand English, he asks, "Where is the closest ATM?" I point, with a deadpan expression, directly behind him, less than 10m away.
6. I was able to direct people to the Swanston St exit, Flight Centre, Hoyts, various restaurants, toilets, Max Brenner, Elizabeth St, La Trobe St, Myer, the train station, Coles, Metropolitan Art Museum store, Borders, T-Bar, a photo booth where you can take passport size photos, the post office, Bourke St and RMIT.
7. Watching posers acting cool until they trip up, and pretending like nothing happened.
8. "Is this coffee free?", "How much is a coffee? $2.80? Pfft...", "Do you have lattes/cappucinos/flat whites/long blacks?", "Can I have 4 sugars?", "Do you put milk in the coffee?", "Can I have it for free? Oh, come on...", "Are we supposed to make the coffee ourselves or something?"
9. Dumb schoolgirl with gaggle of friends walk past. Noticed milk sitting in ice bucket. Proclaims, "OMG, milk." Walks away.
10. Getting lolly samples from the lolly stand across from me.
11. Watching all the soccer mums/old people/tourists get excited about the hourly Waltzing Matilda clock.
12. Watching a bum laughing at a group of tweens dressed as fairies.
13. Watching the parade of greasy, pasty, disgusting, dyed hair "goths" in poser band shirts.
14. Watching the parade of gross bogans having drunk, bogan arguments ("FARKEN, yurslutshit dun brinthukidintothisarrFUCK YOU")
15. Thinking that the earthquake was a troupe of motorcyclists going down Elizabeth St.
16. Having two white guys come up to me and speak to me in Chinese randomly.
17. Seeing the second worst T-shirt I have ever seen in my life: "Daydreams Omg" in curly writing, with butterflies.
18. Seeing people I haven't seen in years.
19. After an hour of no customers, having 3 people ask me for coffees while I'm packing up.
20. Having a guy come up, smell the milk jug, and walk away.
21. People getting very impressed when I pour the milk from high up (it's not that hard/exciting).
22. People being amazed at how I could speak English so well.
23. Predicting correctly who will order the skinny chai with 2 equals and who will order the cappuccino with 5, no wait, 4 sugars. Ahhh, ok, 3 sugars.
24. Having people ask me what the difference between the regular and the large is.
25. Having one suit order a "grande cappuccino".
26. Overhearing people on the phone saying "gee, dunno what the time is, didn't wear my watch" - whilst standing under the clock.
27. Having conversations with people about how Starbucks is shit.
More to come.
Here is a list of things that are awesome about my job:
1. I make myself coffee when I feel like it.
2. There are regular bums who sit under the clocks for 3 or so hours staring into space.
3. Once, a balding, racist woman came up to me and asked me if she could have a cup of ice, "because it looks so tempting" referring to the salty, unpalatable ice I used to keep my milk cold. I politely declined her request; the next 3 times I saw her, she was swearing at the top of her lungs.
4. Trading stories with other stall vendors about how annoying customers are.
5. I had an American guy wave his arms around and saying very loudly and slowly, "ATM. Money machine. ATM. Where?" Thinking he had aphasia, I understandably replied, "What?". Realising I understand English, he asks, "Where is the closest ATM?" I point, with a deadpan expression, directly behind him, less than 10m away.
6. I was able to direct people to the Swanston St exit, Flight Centre, Hoyts, various restaurants, toilets, Max Brenner, Elizabeth St, La Trobe St, Myer, the train station, Coles, Metropolitan Art Museum store, Borders, T-Bar, a photo booth where you can take passport size photos, the post office, Bourke St and RMIT.
7. Watching posers acting cool until they trip up, and pretending like nothing happened.
8. "Is this coffee free?", "How much is a coffee? $2.80? Pfft...", "Do you have lattes/cappucinos/flat whites/long blacks?", "Can I have 4 sugars?", "Do you put milk in the coffee?", "Can I have it for free? Oh, come on...", "Are we supposed to make the coffee ourselves or something?"
9. Dumb schoolgirl with gaggle of friends walk past. Noticed milk sitting in ice bucket. Proclaims, "OMG, milk." Walks away.
10. Getting lolly samples from the lolly stand across from me.
11. Watching all the soccer mums/old people/tourists get excited about the hourly Waltzing Matilda clock.
12. Watching a bum laughing at a group of tweens dressed as fairies.
13. Watching the parade of greasy, pasty, disgusting, dyed hair "goths" in poser band shirts.
14. Watching the parade of gross bogans having drunk, bogan arguments ("FARKEN, yurslutshit dun brinthukidintothisarrFUCK YOU")
15. Thinking that the earthquake was a troupe of motorcyclists going down Elizabeth St.
16. Having two white guys come up to me and speak to me in Chinese randomly.
17. Seeing the second worst T-shirt I have ever seen in my life: "Daydreams Omg" in curly writing, with butterflies.
18. Seeing people I haven't seen in years.
19. After an hour of no customers, having 3 people ask me for coffees while I'm packing up.
20. Having a guy come up, smell the milk jug, and walk away.
21. People getting very impressed when I pour the milk from high up (it's not that hard/exciting).
22. People being amazed at how I could speak English so well.
23. Predicting correctly who will order the skinny chai with 2 equals and who will order the cappuccino with 5, no wait, 4 sugars. Ahhh, ok, 3 sugars.
24. Having people ask me what the difference between the regular and the large is.
25. Having one suit order a "grande cappuccino".
26. Overhearing people on the phone saying "gee, dunno what the time is, didn't wear my watch" - whilst standing under the clock.
27. Having conversations with people about how Starbucks is shit.
More to come.