I'm disappointed in you. Yes, you. Personally. It's Friday and the latest update on my friends page is still Rich's Tuesday post? wtf is this? Lazy mother fuckers are NO FRIENDS OF MINE.
I forgive you for taking a while to get around to commenting on this, especially now that APC is gone--as long as you forgive me for taking so long to reply. And it's fine that you posted it here, I have no problem with anyone commenting in my journal who wants.
-It is quite depressing to see shit like this happen to places that used to be nice, but I'm kind of numb to it now, seeing as it's sort of the theme of my whole area here in the Ohio river valley of eastern Ohio. I don't see how "township" so thoroughly messes up the rhythym, though, or how this first stanza is lacking rhythym altogether.
this LAND is-n't ZONED it's ONly a TOWNship RATHer than VOTE the LOCals go FISHing RATHer than HOPE they DISdain deCISions
-I agree, "obvious" does throw the reader off there. I have been trying to think of something better, but it hasn't come to me yet. That is to say, I haven't given it enough thought yet.
-Now I can see how "light" could be a troublesome word choice. I saw the scene of an approaching junk-yard as being accompanied by unpleasant looking vegetation and gloomy skies--as opposed to sunny, happy peach orchards. That image wasn't supported enough for just "light" to work out here, though. I'll have to think of what could work there better.
Yes, your input has been useful. Thank you for getting around to it at all; no one else did (wonder why APC is gone?)
I forgive you for taking a while to get around to commenting on this, especially now that APC is gone--as long as you forgive me for taking so long to reply. And it's fine that you posted it here, I have no problem with anyone commenting in my journal who wants.
-It is quite depressing to see shit like this happen to places that used to be nice, but I'm kind of numb to it now, seeing as it's sort of the theme of my whole area here in the Ohio river valley of eastern Ohio. I don't see how "township" so thoroughly messes up the rhythym, though, or how this first stanza is lacking rhythym altogether.
this LAND is-n't ZONED
it's ONly a TOWNship
RATHer than VOTE
the LOCals go FISHing
RATHer than HOPE
they DISdain deCISions
-I agree, "obvious" does throw the reader off there. I have been trying to think of something better, but it hasn't come to me yet. That is to say, I haven't given it enough thought yet.
-Now I can see how "light" could be a troublesome word choice. I saw the scene of an approaching junk-yard as being accompanied by unpleasant looking vegetation and gloomy skies--as opposed to sunny, happy peach orchards. That image wasn't supported enough for just "light" to work out here, though. I'll have to think of what could work there better.
Yes, your input has been useful. Thank you for getting around to it at all; no one else did (wonder why APC is gone?)
yours truly,
cg
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