Album update-all lyrics posted
I have completed all the songs, recorded 3/7 of them, and am planning to finish recording and begin distributing this weekend. The cover art is 2/3 done, as well. Anyway, here are all of the tracks with the lyrics, in order.
Innocent Friend
I have a friend who believes in something
I believed in a long time ago.
My friend Kevin believes in waiting
And not looking for love around every corner, every nook,
And every dark place.
He said, "I fall in love, I wait, and let it die."
I asked him if it killed him a little bit inside each time.
"No," he replied, "I learn to love more
with every passing cycle."
Kevin, who has
never touched a girl
or been kissed under the moonlight
is content with waiting forever
if that's how long it takes.
Because he believes that love is pure
That it will lift him out of every hole
He stumbles in.
I used to love like Kevin did
Honestly, sometimes I miss it.
I told him that believing that loving and losing
is better than never loving is absolute shit
That once his heart gets broken he would understand
Why I did what I did, do what I do, and
feel what I feel.
And he told me to be patient, just like him.
That chasing after the prize would just
Make it further out of reach.
That if I waited, I would find some peace.
So now I'm doing my best to not let my
heart wander too far after my eyes.
Sometimes I try to think like Kevin,
And ignore the frenzied thoughts inside of me,
And I can sleep easy.
One Long Hangover
January 1st, 2006
Was a day I started off feeling like shit
I knew it was a sign of the year to come
I should have heeded that premonition then
My body was full of a new kind of drug
Not acid or weed, but your average alcohol
I was 15 when I first got drunk
After spending New Years at home, like I had always done
But there was something I liked about the blurry vision
How I forgot a little more as each shot went down my throat
I was so fucked up that I liked what was hurting me
I got pleasure from the misery
I said, "I won't do this again, one time is enough"
But time passed and boredom grew and I just couldn't keep my hands off
My first excuse was to try and learn a new song on guitar
I thought vodka would help me learn Raining Blood by Slayer
I didn't drink to much, at least not as much as some people I know
But it didn't take a lot for me to stop seeing straight
Each day the burn would help me get to sleep
Each feeling was a reason to drink a little more
Several weeks of this passed before I looked in the mirror
My eyes were bloodshot, my skin was pale and tallow
Life had felt like one big long hangover
The fucked up creature in the reflection made me wonder
Was it worth the effort to try and put down the bottle?
Or did I like drowning out my memories too much?
Yeah, I had plenty of shit I wanted to drown
Like the person I loved hating me because of a misunderstanding
I wanted to wake up and feel all right in the morning
And it'd take a lot more than just fucking quitting drinking
But with every shot, I could feel myself dying
Which was all I wanted from the life I was living
A Balance Of Love
I fell in love with you sometime last summer
When I was having fun out in California
At first I was scared, I thought, "You're making yourself love her."
I've learned since then that love doesn't come from willpower.
When I returned, we spent some time together.
On one hot day, we biked to the bank of a river
We soaked our feet in the clear, cool water
And I held my tongue, yet by then I was certain
One day at open mic, we walked on the railroad
You held my hand so I could keep my balance
We didn't let go, even when I stumbled, laughing
And we lay in the grass, in silence, thinking.
I felt your heart, it beat the same way mine did.
And all I needed to be happy was to hear that heartbeat.
I learned what it was like to have someone love me
Soon my life before you began to fade from me.
Summer turned to fall, and fall turned to winter.
I began to wonder whether I was what you wanted
Like when we barely spoke for an entire month
So you could have more time to write your story.
You ended it on a windy day in January
But it was really over long before then.
I can still remember how my limbs were shaking
Trying to stop the tears from openly pouring.
Life became nothing but a road to death
As I stood outside, just chainsmoking on the deck
Of the happiness I knew, there was nothing left
And I looked for ways to begin my life again.
The spring began and I guess I felt better
I was no longer a stranger to my own laughter
And we spoke to each other, and we decided
That things happened the way they were intended.
Something Enjoyable
"Aids in Africa!" The girl with the pink hair screamed
As I played some chords on guitar while she shouted at the passing cars,
"He needs some money for his trip back to Russia!"
"Oh Emma, this is almost evil," I said, in midst of laughter
My case was open, I was just playin' for some change
On the street corner by the movie theater.
I think, Rowan even broke a string,
But that didn't stop us from makin' some money
I remember Henry dancing crazy
As I made up a song about homosexual sailors
And I remember a woman throwin in a few quarters
Even though I said fuck in front of her baby
"How do you light this cigar?" I asked Big Steve
As Paul bent over laughing,
"And which end goes in my mouth?"
They had every right to call me a dumbass
And I remember driving around with the music blaring
Going to Taco Bell listening to Radio K
While trying to find our friend somewhere in Hopkins
I said, "I love you, Paul, but you really suck at directions."
But feeling free on the highway is the best thing
Whether I'm driving alone or with a friend
Listening to 93X going way over the speed limit
I hope I don't get pulled over and lose my license
Two Weeks
We danced to a song I didn't like
It was a slow song, so we held each other tight
At that point it didn't matter we were only pretending
But we had been pretending ever since the start
I barely knew you since the party
You were always the girl with the red hair
That I knew through a friend
But that early morning party changed everything
You came to me a few days later,
Shyly inviting me to a formal occasion
To which I had made my mind up not to go
I'd thought of you those past few days
Dismissing those thoughts as part of my restlessness
But your proposition made me feel different
In you I saw an opportunity to relieve my loneliness
And for two weeks I made myself believe
That you could be the right person for me
It wasn't until prom night I was proven wrong,
when in your car you said that none of this was right,
That you were sorry, that I'm a great guy,
I smiled through what I felt were lies
But I didn't feel any regret, after all
You and I had made the same mistake
Of rushing in and following our eyes
Because behind them in our daydreams we may have had high hopes
Of finding the someone we'd been looking for since who knows how long ago
But does that person exist for either one of us?
And in the limo with our friends we continued to pretend
That we both wished that the night would never end
And when the last slow dance signaled the end of our affair
We both were glad to get the hell out of there
I guess in those two weeks we found relief
And though I had felt used I knew you were just confused at the time
I was hoping you'd learn something from that
But you didn't
One Day, Two Conversations
We sat on a picnic table
Under the central park pavillion
My two good friends, whom I trust completely.
We sat on a picnic table and judged each other
There was no reason to be offended
Our goal was just self improvement
Like it had been five months ago
One night in Chipotle
I turned to my friend and said, "You've become a lot wiser
You know more of the world and of yourself."
I looked at the other and said, "In our time apart
You were bitter, but your experiences have made you smarter."
They looked at me and said, "thanks, but you haven't
changed at all."
I was surprised, for I believed that five months,
no, even two months had made me a new person.
I claimed, "But now I can get out of bed in the morning,"
"That's great," he said, "But all that has changed is your emotion,
your happiness is something I love to see,
but your decisions are still foolish and not though-out."
I was surprised, but I could see where they were coming from
And they were right, though I had changed my outlook,
I still fucked up in what I believed was important.
"I guess I still need a lot of work," I sighed.
And later that night after I had dropped my friends off,
I spoke to my best friend, who, with the fewest words,
Can make me see what I really feel,
And I was angry when she said there is no wisdom.
I asked her if there was really anything at all,
Since we're just slaves to our emotions
And why do we still bother living if our perception is flawed
I thought it was depressing enough to make humanity blow its collective brains out
She said, "Why bother to worry so much if you are happy?
And when you are sad, do you notice how nothing gets done?
We could convince ourselves that we are miserable,
But we don't want to, and we choose not to."
Taking The Lessons
It was 10th grade when I made the impossible goal
Of finding out all there was to know about everything
And I've revised that goal and began by
Trying to find myself
10th grade was perhaps the worst year of all
I devoted myself to art and theories
I thought it would cure me then, but did it? No
And have I found a cure yet? I don't know
It took two years and many trials to get to where I am
It took lost loves and new friends
I can't say I've found myself quite yet
Feels like it took two years to even make the first step.
I remember looking for symbols in the world around me
Trying to put meaning into the mundane
Restless, I turned to my dreams for answers
Yet even in those I found only darkness.
Two years later, can I say I've made some progress?
Did any of this make me a better person?
What is a better person, and am I ready
To compare myself to who I was?
But here I am, it's night, I'm sober
And I'm glad to be that way
It's night, I'm alone and happy
And I'm glad that it's that way
So I'll lay on my back,
Watch the cloud shapes in the sky
If that's what it takes to feel content or even satisfied
And I'll try to take these lessons with me
I'll try not to forget all of life's teachings
I'll try and take all these lessons with me
I'll try and take all these lessons with me
Innocent Friend
I have a friend who believes in something
I believed in a long time ago.
My friend Kevin believes in waiting
And not looking for love around every corner, every nook,
And every dark place.
He said, "I fall in love, I wait, and let it die."
I asked him if it killed him a little bit inside each time.
"No," he replied, "I learn to love more
with every passing cycle."
Kevin, who has
never touched a girl
or been kissed under the moonlight
is content with waiting forever
if that's how long it takes.
Because he believes that love is pure
That it will lift him out of every hole
He stumbles in.
I used to love like Kevin did
Honestly, sometimes I miss it.
I told him that believing that loving and losing
is better than never loving is absolute shit
That once his heart gets broken he would understand
Why I did what I did, do what I do, and
feel what I feel.
And he told me to be patient, just like him.
That chasing after the prize would just
Make it further out of reach.
That if I waited, I would find some peace.
So now I'm doing my best to not let my
heart wander too far after my eyes.
Sometimes I try to think like Kevin,
And ignore the frenzied thoughts inside of me,
And I can sleep easy.
One Long Hangover
January 1st, 2006
Was a day I started off feeling like shit
I knew it was a sign of the year to come
I should have heeded that premonition then
My body was full of a new kind of drug
Not acid or weed, but your average alcohol
I was 15 when I first got drunk
After spending New Years at home, like I had always done
But there was something I liked about the blurry vision
How I forgot a little more as each shot went down my throat
I was so fucked up that I liked what was hurting me
I got pleasure from the misery
I said, "I won't do this again, one time is enough"
But time passed and boredom grew and I just couldn't keep my hands off
My first excuse was to try and learn a new song on guitar
I thought vodka would help me learn Raining Blood by Slayer
I didn't drink to much, at least not as much as some people I know
But it didn't take a lot for me to stop seeing straight
Each day the burn would help me get to sleep
Each feeling was a reason to drink a little more
Several weeks of this passed before I looked in the mirror
My eyes were bloodshot, my skin was pale and tallow
Life had felt like one big long hangover
The fucked up creature in the reflection made me wonder
Was it worth the effort to try and put down the bottle?
Or did I like drowning out my memories too much?
Yeah, I had plenty of shit I wanted to drown
Like the person I loved hating me because of a misunderstanding
I wanted to wake up and feel all right in the morning
And it'd take a lot more than just fucking quitting drinking
But with every shot, I could feel myself dying
Which was all I wanted from the life I was living
A Balance Of Love
I fell in love with you sometime last summer
When I was having fun out in California
At first I was scared, I thought, "You're making yourself love her."
I've learned since then that love doesn't come from willpower.
When I returned, we spent some time together.
On one hot day, we biked to the bank of a river
We soaked our feet in the clear, cool water
And I held my tongue, yet by then I was certain
One day at open mic, we walked on the railroad
You held my hand so I could keep my balance
We didn't let go, even when I stumbled, laughing
And we lay in the grass, in silence, thinking.
I felt your heart, it beat the same way mine did.
And all I needed to be happy was to hear that heartbeat.
I learned what it was like to have someone love me
Soon my life before you began to fade from me.
Summer turned to fall, and fall turned to winter.
I began to wonder whether I was what you wanted
Like when we barely spoke for an entire month
So you could have more time to write your story.
You ended it on a windy day in January
But it was really over long before then.
I can still remember how my limbs were shaking
Trying to stop the tears from openly pouring.
Life became nothing but a road to death
As I stood outside, just chainsmoking on the deck
Of the happiness I knew, there was nothing left
And I looked for ways to begin my life again.
The spring began and I guess I felt better
I was no longer a stranger to my own laughter
And we spoke to each other, and we decided
That things happened the way they were intended.
Something Enjoyable
"Aids in Africa!" The girl with the pink hair screamed
As I played some chords on guitar while she shouted at the passing cars,
"He needs some money for his trip back to Russia!"
"Oh Emma, this is almost evil," I said, in midst of laughter
My case was open, I was just playin' for some change
On the street corner by the movie theater.
I think, Rowan even broke a string,
But that didn't stop us from makin' some money
I remember Henry dancing crazy
As I made up a song about homosexual sailors
And I remember a woman throwin in a few quarters
Even though I said fuck in front of her baby
"How do you light this cigar?" I asked Big Steve
As Paul bent over laughing,
"And which end goes in my mouth?"
They had every right to call me a dumbass
And I remember driving around with the music blaring
Going to Taco Bell listening to Radio K
While trying to find our friend somewhere in Hopkins
I said, "I love you, Paul, but you really suck at directions."
But feeling free on the highway is the best thing
Whether I'm driving alone or with a friend
Listening to 93X going way over the speed limit
I hope I don't get pulled over and lose my license
Two Weeks
We danced to a song I didn't like
It was a slow song, so we held each other tight
At that point it didn't matter we were only pretending
But we had been pretending ever since the start
I barely knew you since the party
You were always the girl with the red hair
That I knew through a friend
But that early morning party changed everything
You came to me a few days later,
Shyly inviting me to a formal occasion
To which I had made my mind up not to go
I'd thought of you those past few days
Dismissing those thoughts as part of my restlessness
But your proposition made me feel different
In you I saw an opportunity to relieve my loneliness
And for two weeks I made myself believe
That you could be the right person for me
It wasn't until prom night I was proven wrong,
when in your car you said that none of this was right,
That you were sorry, that I'm a great guy,
I smiled through what I felt were lies
But I didn't feel any regret, after all
You and I had made the same mistake
Of rushing in and following our eyes
Because behind them in our daydreams we may have had high hopes
Of finding the someone we'd been looking for since who knows how long ago
But does that person exist for either one of us?
And in the limo with our friends we continued to pretend
That we both wished that the night would never end
And when the last slow dance signaled the end of our affair
We both were glad to get the hell out of there
I guess in those two weeks we found relief
And though I had felt used I knew you were just confused at the time
I was hoping you'd learn something from that
But you didn't
One Day, Two Conversations
We sat on a picnic table
Under the central park pavillion
My two good friends, whom I trust completely.
We sat on a picnic table and judged each other
There was no reason to be offended
Our goal was just self improvement
Like it had been five months ago
One night in Chipotle
I turned to my friend and said, "You've become a lot wiser
You know more of the world and of yourself."
I looked at the other and said, "In our time apart
You were bitter, but your experiences have made you smarter."
They looked at me and said, "thanks, but you haven't
changed at all."
I was surprised, for I believed that five months,
no, even two months had made me a new person.
I claimed, "But now I can get out of bed in the morning,"
"That's great," he said, "But all that has changed is your emotion,
your happiness is something I love to see,
but your decisions are still foolish and not though-out."
I was surprised, but I could see where they were coming from
And they were right, though I had changed my outlook,
I still fucked up in what I believed was important.
"I guess I still need a lot of work," I sighed.
And later that night after I had dropped my friends off,
I spoke to my best friend, who, with the fewest words,
Can make me see what I really feel,
And I was angry when she said there is no wisdom.
I asked her if there was really anything at all,
Since we're just slaves to our emotions
And why do we still bother living if our perception is flawed
I thought it was depressing enough to make humanity blow its collective brains out
She said, "Why bother to worry so much if you are happy?
And when you are sad, do you notice how nothing gets done?
We could convince ourselves that we are miserable,
But we don't want to, and we choose not to."
Taking The Lessons
It was 10th grade when I made the impossible goal
Of finding out all there was to know about everything
And I've revised that goal and began by
Trying to find myself
10th grade was perhaps the worst year of all
I devoted myself to art and theories
I thought it would cure me then, but did it? No
And have I found a cure yet? I don't know
It took two years and many trials to get to where I am
It took lost loves and new friends
I can't say I've found myself quite yet
Feels like it took two years to even make the first step.
I remember looking for symbols in the world around me
Trying to put meaning into the mundane
Restless, I turned to my dreams for answers
Yet even in those I found only darkness.
Two years later, can I say I've made some progress?
Did any of this make me a better person?
What is a better person, and am I ready
To compare myself to who I was?
But here I am, it's night, I'm sober
And I'm glad to be that way
It's night, I'm alone and happy
And I'm glad that it's that way
So I'll lay on my back,
Watch the cloud shapes in the sky
If that's what it takes to feel content or even satisfied
And I'll try to take these lessons with me
I'll try not to forget all of life's teachings
I'll try and take all these lessons with me
I'll try and take all these lessons with me