(no subject)
Every day I wonder if I should be here. I know that there are highs and lows and for the most part it feels like the city for me, but I'm closwer to the "lows" right now.
I miss my friends a lot and I just wish I could be with them. One inparticular is going through a hard time and I wish I could be there to support her. Also my best friend is leaving the country soon, for a long time but seems unwilling to make sure that we see each other before she leaves. Even though I'm gone, they are still the only close friends that I have. The distance is chilling.
I just feel like my life has no direction. That nothing has been making me truly happy. I did feel very content sitting outside looking by the lake in my backyard today. It's just scary when your only human contact (other than strangers out in public) is through the phone, to your friends across the country. I've met some people here but they seem flakey.
Things would be better if I had a job. Or some kind of magical sign telling me what kind of job I should go out for. I'm continuing to be incredibly disappointed with my job search. Someone here told me that it's not me, that Austin is a really hard job market to crack. They said that to me to make me feel better. It didn't work. Now I'm stuck paying rent in a city with a bad job market? Uck, I wish it was me. Then I could change. I'd have more control.
There's always those people that graduate college and then bitch about how the real world is and how they wish they were in college. I'm not going to be one of those people. For me, college wasn't easy. I worked very hard. Balancing work and school and paying for school was a challenge for me. Battling family problems and broken bones, etc. I miss college, yes. And the real world seems scary, but I'm happy to be in it. Although I think it's silly that supporting yourself, while in school full time, while paying for school isn't considered the "real world". I'm just going to look at this job search as a challenge, and I thrive on challenges. A job would really help with the loneliness...
I miss my friends a lot and I just wish I could be with them. One inparticular is going through a hard time and I wish I could be there to support her. Also my best friend is leaving the country soon, for a long time but seems unwilling to make sure that we see each other before she leaves. Even though I'm gone, they are still the only close friends that I have. The distance is chilling.
I just feel like my life has no direction. That nothing has been making me truly happy. I did feel very content sitting outside looking by the lake in my backyard today. It's just scary when your only human contact (other than strangers out in public) is through the phone, to your friends across the country. I've met some people here but they seem flakey.
Things would be better if I had a job. Or some kind of magical sign telling me what kind of job I should go out for. I'm continuing to be incredibly disappointed with my job search. Someone here told me that it's not me, that Austin is a really hard job market to crack. They said that to me to make me feel better. It didn't work. Now I'm stuck paying rent in a city with a bad job market? Uck, I wish it was me. Then I could change. I'd have more control.
There's always those people that graduate college and then bitch about how the real world is and how they wish they were in college. I'm not going to be one of those people. For me, college wasn't easy. I worked very hard. Balancing work and school and paying for school was a challenge for me. Battling family problems and broken bones, etc. I miss college, yes. And the real world seems scary, but I'm happy to be in it. Although I think it's silly that supporting yourself, while in school full time, while paying for school isn't considered the "real world". I'm just going to look at this job search as a challenge, and I thrive on challenges. A job would really help with the loneliness...